Invasion! Part II

Dobby steps into the doorway and looks into the hall. “Okay Mom, it's clear. Let's go.” Dobby instructs, looking up at Mom. Dobby is still wearing the communicator on his left ear, but now there is a strange device over Dobby's right eye. His eye is no longer green. It has grown to become a big and bright red laser surrounded by shiny metal. He is also wearing two ammo belts crisscrossed over his torso and a hip holster with a Really Big Gun on one side and a whip on the other.

“Dobby, what's with all the weaponry?” Mom asks.

“Tinkletoes says a good soldier is prepared for all possible scenarios.”

“An eye laser?” Mom asks.

“When you are fighting aliens you use alien technology, Mom. What else?”

“Where did you get it?” Mom asks.

Dobby stands up on his back legs, grabs the Artistic License from Mom's hand and holds it up to her face. The ginger tabby then quickly folds his license and and tucks it into his holster belt. “Mom. Please. Fo-cus.” Dobby returns to all fours, leaving the bedroom first. He gestures for Mom to follow. They make the twenty foot trek into the kitchen safely. Mom and Dobby find Tinkletoes standing lookout in front of the refrigerator that is pulled out into the middle of the room.

“Here it is Mom. This is what they are after.”

“The refrigerator? Aliens are invading the planet for this refrigerator?” Mom starts laughing.

“I don't thinks she believes us Sir.” Tinkletoes says. “She may be in shock. Having a fit. Should I slap her?” he asks.

“No,” Dobby answers. “She is the only family I've got. I can handle this. Mom. Let me explain what happened, so we can figure out what to do next.” Mom starts laughing harder. She has to sit down on the floor. Dobby rubs his cheek against her knee to reassure Mom it will be okay.

Mom stops laughing long enough to speak. “Let me guess, two men came into the house this morning. They stood in the kitchen looking at and talking about the refrigerator. They talked about taking it away. The strange men will be back on Monday.”

Dobby looks at Mom with shock. “How did you know?” he asks.

“Dobby, sweetie, that was the landlord and his handyman. The refrigerator is broken and they will be replacing it on Monday. That is why they will be back.”

Dobby studies Mom's face closely. “No aliens?” he asks.

“No aliens kitty.”

“Oh.”

Dobby looks up at Tinkletoes. “No aliens.”

“I always wanted to save the planet from alien invasion. That's one of the reasons I took this job.” Tinkletoes says, bowing his head in disappointment. “Well, at least there's cupcakes. If you don't mind Sir, I would like to take my cupcakes and go. I'll be back in a few days for the next payment.”

“Of course.” Dobby says. Dobby walks over to the counter on the far side of the kitchen and picks up a large bag full of Mom's homemade goodies.

“It was a pleasure protecting you Ma'am.” Tinkletoes says giving Mom a hand to get to her feet.

“Thank you for the...thank you for taking the job.” Mom says.

Tinkletoes walks over to Dobby, “Remember what I taught you, Sir. You are one remarkable feline. Keep Flying.”

“Keep flying, Tinkletoes.”

Tinkletoes accepts the bag of goodies and leaves.

Dobby walks over to Mom, artillery gone, a housecat again.

“Dobby were those the goodies that were in my freezer?”

“Uh huh.”

“All the goodies? Cakes, pies, cookies, cupcakes?”

“Yep.”

“How did you find a mercenary that worked for baked goods?”

“Mom, remember how I used the internet before?”

“Your magic only works if I look in your files, I can still surf the net. I figured that out before I stopped glowing (see Secret Agent Cat). I have been using the internet lots. Role playing games are really good for passing the time. I made lots of friends including Tinkletoes. He's a soldier. Retired last year. This was his first mercenary job. Tinkletoes just does it to keep in shape. He has been teaching me about science fiction. His favorite show mostly, “Firefly?” Anyway he's really into it. Been to cons for years knows everyone that worked on the show.

“Your point?”

“We talked about the invasion, he wanted to help for a price. I invited him over to negotiate and I gave him some of the sweet potato pie you made. He loved it. So, I offered to keep him and his soldier friends in baked goods for a while as payment for helping us.”

Mom starts laughing. “You seduced a soldier with baked goods?” Dobby's eyebrows went up in shock. “Ok, not seduced, hired him with baked goods. That is too funny. I love you kitty. You make life interesting.”

“Mom?”

“Yes sweetie?”

“The payment isn't baked goods exactly. It's your baked goods.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“I'm supposed to bake for him and his friends? That is a big man. He probably eats a lot.”

“You have no idea.”

Mom sits back down on the kitchen floor as reality sets in.

“Mom? He likes fancy cupcakes. The little ones.”

Invasion!

-->

“Mom!” Dobby calls to Mom from behind the bedroom door.

“Dobby? Where are you?”

“In here. The bedroom.”

“Dobby kitty, what's wrong? Are those ear mites bothering you again?” Mom asks walking toward the bedroom door.

“Get in here! Now!” A hand reaches out and pulls Mom into the bedroom and behind the door. Another hand covers her mouth. Dobby's face comes into sight through her peripheral vision. “Mom...It's okay he's with me. Promise to not to scream? Talk in a whisper?” Mom nods her head.

“Dobby, who is this? What is going on?”

“Did you give my cat money? Did you!?” Mom demands.

“No Mom. This is Tinkletoes. He's a soldier.” Mom looks at Tinkletoes. Tinkletoes is about 6 ft. 2 inches tall with lots of muscles. Military hair cut and wearing an odd array of camouflage. Desert camo pants, white wife beater with a bullet proof vest and a green camo jacket. Tinkle is also wearing belts laden with guns and ammo. So much...guns and ammo. “It's okay Mom. I hired him.”

“For what? What did you use for money?”

“To teach me how to protect us from the invaders.”

“Invaders?”

“From outer space. They are taking over the planet.”

“Really?” Mom asks doing her best to hide her smile.

“Yes.” Dobby answered deadly serious. Tinkletoes nods in agreement in the background.

“Aliens are invading and out of all the places they could invade they are starting in a town with a few hundred people?”

“No.” Dobby answered.

“Of course they aren't sweetie. Tell your 'friend' to go home. Play time is over.”

“They are starting with us.”

-->

“With us?” Mom asks. Taking a moment to absorb this information. “What do we have that aliens want?”

“It's here. In the kitchen.” Dobby looks out into the hall. “Tinkle, you know what to do.”

Tinkletoes eases past Mom and Dobby heads out into the hall. Mom listens to the floor creak as Tinkletoes enters the kitchen. Mom hears static near the floor next to her and what must be Tinkletoes' voice says, “Okay clear.”

Mom looks down to see Dobby with a communicator taped on to his ear with medical tape. “Copy that.” Dobby answers.

“Okay Mom let's go.”

“Wait a minute...where did you get that thing on your ear? It wasn't there before.”

Dobby rolls his eyes and pulls out an official looking piece of paper then hands it to Mom.

Mom reads,

This Artistic License authorizes Dobby the cat to do whatever is necessary to be his lovable, endearing and entertaining self.

Duly signed by the one and only most endearing and lovable entertainer ever.

P.S. If you don't automatically know who I am you really don't get out much.

Many More

 

-->

“Sir. Sir?? I can only guarantee security of the area for brief intervals of time. Tinkletoes' voice comes over the radio again.

“We'll be right there.” Dobby answers. “This is really important Mom. It could save your life.”

“Well let's see what these aliens are after then.”

                                                (Part I of II)

When A Cat Reads...

“Mom, what are you doing?” Dobby asks after entering the den.

“Listening to music. I am thinking.”

“What is that crap anyway?” Dobby asks.

“Excuse me?”

“This is country music.”

Dobby sits quietly and listens for a moment. “Sorry Mom. I'm just not feeling it.”

“I didn't turn on the music for your benefit.”

Dobby looks at Mom. Correction, Dobby glares at Mom. Clears his throat. “I thought we established years ago that you do everything for my benefit. I am, after all, the CAT.”

Mom looks at Dobby, raising an eyebrow. “Seriously?”

Dobby blinks. “Seriously,” he says, stating the most basic of universal truths.

“Dobby, sweetie...I do a lot for you because I love you not because the world revolves around you.”

“Your world revolves around me.”

“No it doesn't”

“Yes. It does.”

“Nope. Sorry it doesn't.”

Dobby jumps up on Mom's lap. Looks into her eyes. “I know you are waaay older than I am. You're alone. It's only natural that you live to take care of me.” Dobby puts a paw on Mom's back to pat her when she starts to cry in admission that everything Dobby said is true. She's not crying...Dobby waits...still no crying.. “Mom? Don't you need to cry or something?”

Mom looks at Dobby. “No. I don't need to cry. Do you need me to cry?” Mom asks.

“No.”

“That's good. I think we need to have a talk.”

“Did you find trouble again? Did you at least try to negotiate for community service?”

“No.”

“Mom, you are never going to learn to behave yourself if you keep paying a fine every time you disturb the peace, expose something indecently. You just don't miss the money like other people do.”

“Dobby. Just let me talk, okay?”

Dobby jumps down on to the floor and waits for Mom.

“You can read can't you?” Mom asks.

Holy crap! When did she find that out? I can't lie to Mom, I just gave her a speech about lying the other day. Dobby looks down at the floor, looking up at Mom he says. “Yes. I can read.”

“When did this happen? How long have you been reading? How did you learn?” Mom asks, smiling.

I can't tell her. I can't look at her and say, “Mom I traded all the characters you created including your dragon so I could learn to read.” There is no way this can end well. What would Secret Agent Cat do? I'm waaay smarter than Mom is, it just might work.

“It's a 'special project' I have been working on. So I can't really share the details. It's classified.”

“It's classified? Uh huh.” Mom says in her 'it's hard for me not to get mad now' tone.

Why did she have to ask? I can't tell her what really happened. EVER.

** High pitched giggling is heard coming from behind the Magic Door**

Mom looks at the Magic Door then at Dobby. “Dobby, what did you do?”

Dobby looks away before Mom catches his eye.

Slippery Slopes

-->

“Are you writing yet Mom? Because you should be writing?” Dobby walks around Mom's chair and looks at her in expectation.

“Umm...yes...of course.”

“Let me see.” Dobby jumps in Mom's lap and leans on the table to get a better look at the computer screen.

“Did I mention how much better you look these days since you relaxed. The faerie dust is being absorbed into the atmosphere nicely. You aren't pink anymore. Your fur isn't lit up and pulsating. There is just a really faint shimmer. It's quite attractive. Really.”

“Mom. This isn't your writing.”

“What do you mean it isn't? Of course it is.”

“If it is your writing you need to practice more. This stuff is all over the place. First it's about tweets then boots then a horoscope then a movie. It's really short and under six different names. Some of these aren't even girl names.” Dobby turns around, leans up against Mom's chest and looks into her eyes. “How many of you are in there anyway? Steve? Steve Martin? Where are you?”

“What are you talking about?”

“A couple of these are listed under the name Steve Martin. If you are Steve Martin, you must have multiple personalities. Before we continue living under the same roof; Mom-- well, I need to meet everybody.”

Mom laughs for a minute. “Okay, kitty. You caught me. I'm not really writing yet. I was looking at Twitter. You have nothing to worry about, I only have this one personality and you have met her.”

Dobby pulls his head away from Mom's and then comes in close to look in Mom's eyes once again. “No Steve Martin?” He asks.

“No Steve Martin.” Mom answers smiling.

“You lied about working when you were on Twitter?” Dobby asks.

“I lied. I'm sorry.”'

Dobby jumps down from Mom's lap landing on the floor. Standing up on his hind legs, with a swift flick of his wrist the 'I'm Incredibly Intelligent' glasses materialize. Dobby puts them on. Pacing back and forth in front of her the interrogation begins.

“How do I know you aren't lying about having multiple personalities then? You've already lied once.” Dobby holds up a tape recorder and hits the play button. Mom's voice repeats, 'I lied. I'm sorry.'

“What is it Grandma says, 'heading down a slippery slope'?”

“Not exactly. But that's close enough.”

“What else have you lied about Mom?” Mom looks down at her feet.

“Is coffee really bad for me?”

“Yes.” Mom looks right at Dobby.

“Do I have such honed hunting skills that I never need to hunt another cricket again?”

“No it just creeps me out when you tear the cricket's leg off.”

“Is a soap and water bath really better than the baths I give myself?”

Mom looks down to the floor. “Your breath is less disgusting.”

“Is the funny white thing in the bathroom really a litter box for people?”

“Yes.”

“Well. I'm not drinking out of that anymore.” Dobby says making a thoroughly disgusted face.

“That's a relief. I really am sorry I lied to you kitty. Are we good now?”

Dobby stops pacing for a moment and looks at Mom. “Okay Mom. We're good. Now...if you would just relax for a moment, close your eyes and open your mind. Go ahead and mentally line all those personalities you have in there up so I can ask the rest of my questions. Let's start with Steve Martin.”