Saturday Night Silliness -- Random Musings of a Writer Lady and Her Cat.

“You have rules? For being a guy?” Carp asks. “Sure. Doesn't everyone?” Tinkletoes answers. Carp looks at Mr. Donut. Mr. Donut looks at Carp. Looking back at Tinkletoes, “So what are these rules?” Carp asks. “Daylight's a burnin'.” Tinkletoes answers. Carp and Mr. Donut wait. “We don't have time for this.” Silence. “I'll give you a couple while Mr. Donut throws the knife some more. Then we're moving on to the guns.” Carp and Mr. Donut nod. Pulling another combat knife out of it's sheath Tinkletoes hands it to Mr. Donut. “Take your time, aim.” He instructs. “Rule One. If you kill it you gotta eat it .” Mr. Donut throws the knife. It gets lodged in the spot aimed for but only momentarily falling from the trunk seconds later. “That was good Sweets. Try it again. This time put a little more power into the throw.” Tinkletoes says. Mr. Donut throws again. This time the

“I'm a little deeper man. I'm a guy.” -- Duncan “Sweets” Donut. “It's okay Mr. Donut, you don't have to tell everyone. They know.” -- Carp “What should we do first?” Mr. Donut asks. “You are our guest Mr. Donut. What would you like to do first?” Carp asks. “Don't call me Mr. Donut. We're friends. No...wait.” Mr. Donut lowers his voice, “We're all guys. Call me “Sweets” or “Duncan.” “Okay...Sweets. What would you like to do on your first day as one of the guys?” Carp asks. “Yeah. A man gives up a lot when he gets married. You said Mrs. Donut wouldn't let you hunt. Let me show you how to fire a gun. We'll have you tearing things up like Rambo in no time.” Tinkletoes says reaching for Mr. Donut's arm. “Actually there is one thing I'd like to do. I have not done it on my own terms in 47 years. It would feel so good to do it again.” “I thought you said you couldn't do that stuff anymore.” Tin

“How long is this gonna take?” Tinkletoes asks after the first thirty minutes. “I don't know.” Carp says. “I think he said something about having a guitar stand in every room of the house.” Mr. Donut shuffles past them without a word on his way to the bathroom. Going inside he shuts the door behind him. “Here's our chance. Let's split.” Tinkletoes says. “Eureka!” Mr. Donut calls. “See.” Tinkletoes says, “Now we're gonna have to listen to stories about his bowels and shit.” “Is it necessary to repeat yourself?” Carp says. “Huh?” Mr. Donut opens the bathroom door. “Eureka! I found my guitar. This was the last place I was playing it.” “You mean you play guitar while you're...” Tinkletoes asks. “I'm 94. Some things take a while.” Mr. Donut says shuffling into the bedroom. He is carrying a shiny ebony guitar with a customized black leather strap that says 'Sweets' on it. Reaching into the hollow of the guitar

“Um...um...” Tinkletoes says. Mr. Donut rises from the bed to embrace the spirit of his late wife. For every step he takes, small shuffling ones, Tinkletoes takes a large step back. “My advances always did render you speechless didn't they my dear?” Tinkletoes pales. He furiously searches his mind for way out of this but he never planned a strategy for this type of scenario. “I can hear your breathing as it quickens. Your spirit responds to me even if you cannot.” Duncan Donut reaches for Tinkletoes' hand. Tinkletoes quickly pulls it out of range and begins to fan himself. “Please Sweets, just let me catch my breath for a moment darlin'.” “Keep talking my little Rainbow Sprinkles. Your southern belle is the hottest thing north of Memphis.” Tinkletoes fans faster. Think. I gotta think. Maybe if I let him keep talking I'll get an idea. “ I should have known when you appeared to me on the Fourth of July you were only after one

Tinkletoes stops just outside the bathroom door studying his reflection in the hallway mirror. Looking back from the reflection is a grown man with thick closely cut hair, a five o'clock shadow, and massive arms. Hair from his legs is sticking out along the hem of the dress. “I told you I was too manly for this. He'll never buy it.” TP, Dobby, and Carp all gather around Tinkletoes. “You might be right. And I thought you just really didn't want to put on the dress. I have to say this is disturbing.” Carp says looking at Tinkletoes with horror. “It's the angles, just too many angles. Women are supposed to be soft.” “I know. There's just nothing soft about me.” Tinkletoes says. “Take off your shirt,” he says looking at Carp. Carp takes off his shirt. “You aren't very soft either and your pecs aren't big enough. They would never pass for boobs.” Tinkletoes points out. “This was the only plan I had too. Do you have a si