The chorus of
angels can be heard echoing throughout the house.
Laaaaaa....a.....a..laaaaaaaaaaaaa...
Carp
looks at Writer Lady. “What did I tell you? Angels Singing.”
The
angels sing out.
He's
Beautiful..........................
Tinkletoes looks out the kitchen window at his fence which sits
undisturbed. “What's going on? How did he?” Tinkletoes
demands.
Writer Lady walks over to Mural Man. “Mural Man is that you?”
She whispers.
“Yeah. It's still me.” Mural Man says.
Writer Lady keeps staring. Circling around Mural Man. Carp waits
for her at the end of her orbit.
“Amazing isn't it?” Carp asks.
“Uncanny.” Writer Lady says as she absentmindedly fusses with
her hair. “Are you hungry Mural Man? Can I get you anything?”
“No. I'm still essentially a really big piece of paper so I can't
eat or drink anything.”
Reminded that this is in fact Mural Man, “Oh.
Of course,” Writer Lady says taking a step back.
“If you're still paper then it will be real easy for me to
wad you butt up into a tight little ball.” Tinkletoes says.
“You don't want to do that.” Mural Man says.
“Why don't I want to do that?” Tinkletoes asks pushing the
table aside. “Maybe I should just make the world's biggest pile of
spit balls out of you instead.”
“That wouldn't be very nice either.” Mural Man says.
“Why do I want to be nice?” Tinkletoes asks crossing the room
in two steps, stopping nose to nose with Mural Man.
“Because.” Mural Man says, leaning in closer. “TP
made me this way so I can help your stubborn backside.” Standing
back up there is red mark across Tinkletoes' nose.
“That's a cheap shot and I want you to know that it doesn't hurt.”
Tinkletoes says.
“He didn't touch you. Did he?” Writer Lady asks.
Mural Man looks at the floor. “I did. I used the only weapon I
have.”
Writer Lady sighs. “Let me look.” She inspects Tinkletoes'
nose. “It's a paper cut. I think you'll live. Peter? Will you
please get me the...” A bottle of peroxide and cotton balls
materialize on the kitchen counter before Writer Lady can finish
getting the words out. She cleans Tinkletoes' war wound.
“Paper cuts don't seem like much but they burn.” Tinkletoes
says.
Writer Lady rolls her eyes. “So are you men done fighting or
what? It's getting really violent in here I'm not sure I'll get any
sleep tonight if this keeps up. I thought you two were friends.”
Aunt Purdy quietly escorts the children and the baby dragon from the
room.
“I thought we were. But a guy who's a friend doesn't wait until
another guy is trying to keep someone out and then dress up like the
guy his friend is trying to catch in the kill zone. That's not
nice.” Tinkletoes says.
“How nice is it to try catch someone in a kill zone?” Writer
Lady asks.
“Look woman. I had a reason. A damn good one.” Tinkletoes
says.
“A reason that has no foundation in reality—at all.” Writer
Lady says pushing on Tinkletoes' chest with her finger. “You were
wrong to tear up my yard and wrong to set up a kill zone for
anything. Admit it!”
Mural Man, Carp and TP quietly watch the exchange shaking their
heads.
Tinkletoes looks over at the others. They hold up a banner only
Tinkletoes can see.
Apologize
Tinkletoes mouths “What?”
Say
You're Sorry
Tinkletoes shakes his head.
“Fine. Fine. Just get out. Clean up my yard. That's all I
want, finish cleaning up my yard.”
Tinkletoes leaves the room with Mural Man, Carp and TP in tow.
They leave Writer Lady in the kitchen cleaning up the mess from the
over turned breakfast table alternately screaming and muttering
profanities.
Once the men are outside. {We are counting Mural Man as a man
because man is in his name, he looks like one, and House loves his
sweet tushy so that's close enough.} Mural Man, Carp and TP form a
semi-circle around Tinkletoes.
“I never do anything wrong and I'm always getting yelled at.”
Tinkletoes starts to complain.
“That is why I'm here.” Mural Man says.
“Why?”
“Because you keep screwing things up.” Carp says.
“You need serious help.” TP giggles.
“What, what'd I do?” Tinkletoes asks.
“I think this might take a while. Should we try the comfortable
or the uncomfortable approach?” Mural Man asks. Both TP and Carp
look at Mural Man with blank stares. “Come on guys. Huddle up.”
The three start whispering amongst themselves.
Tinkletoes starts looking at the barbed wire fence and muttering.
“I think I see the problem. There's a design flaw between the
third and fourth rows.” Seeing his friends occupied, the mercenary
quietly steps further and further away from the group.
“You!” Mural Man says pointing to Tinkletoes. “Come back
here. We aren't finished.”
Tinkletoes
returns to the group.
“Stay.” Mural Man says.
Tinkletoes stands in one place.
“Stay.” Mural Man says putting two fingers next to his eye and
pointing in the “I'm watching you” gesture then returning to the
huddle.
Several minutes pass. Mural Man, Carp and TP all clap hands and say
“Break.” Standing up they turn and face Tinkletoes. TP
disappears in a puff of smoke and reappears in his General Tampon
uniform (See—General Tampon Takes Over). Snapping his fingers the
four are transported to a military classroom. TP is at the speaker's
podium. Carp and Mural Man are sitting in chairs next to the podium.
Facing the podium is a room full of empty school desks. Tinkletoes
is cramped in to the third desk in the front row. Front and Center
the self-proclaimed mercenary is going to learn. Guy Stuff.