“The line has been discontinued, if the mug gets broken it can't
be replaced.” Writer Lady argues.
TP disappears, reappearing next to Writer Lady. “It's a four
dollar mug. It's not the Holy Grail.” The faerie says giggling.
“You should hear what she says to it when she thinks she's alone
in the kitchen.” Tinkletoes says.
“It's a cup.”
The faerie says.
“It's precious
to her.” Dylan says, “My cup. My cup!” The tow headed boy
coughs.
“We need to get
back to what's important.” Tinkletoes says. “Making War and
Presidential me making it.”
“Presidents
don't go to war, Silly Human.” TP says.
“Yes, they
do.” Tinkletoes argues.
“Historically,”
Paige counters, rising from her spot next to her brothers, “they
don't.”
“They do now.”
Tinkletoes says grinning. “I have guns, knives, ammo,
semi-automatics, crates full of grenades. When I'm President of the
United States I am going to make all the war I want.”
Paige shakes her
head. “It's against the rules.” She says.
“I'll change
the stupid rules. That's what being President is all about, changing
the country around to suit you.”
Paige continues
shaking her head. “If you want to be President then you can't keep
playing with grenades.” She says.
“No grenades?”
The color slowly drains from Tinkletoes' face. “At all?”
She shakes her
head.
“Not even on
holidays or special occasions?”
More head shaking.
“What about
when nobody's lookin'?” He asks.
More head shaking.
“What about
President's Day?”
Paige confirms
that he cannot do those things even on President's Day.
“When it's
President's Day and I'm President?” Tinkletoes counters. “What
fun is there in being President if I can't go make war with my
grenades?”
“Sir?” Peter
says. “Dylan and I have been learning about some of the things
that the President of the United States can do because we want to
help when you're elected.”
Tinkletoes nods at
Peter and looks at Dylan. Paige sits back down as Peter urges his
little brother to stand up. Once Dylan has stood up the room grows
quiet and stays quiet.
“What's so great
about being President if I can't use my grenades?” Tinkletoes
asks.
“You can pardon
people.” He says.
Tinkletoes makes a
face. “Show me.” He says.
Ray and TP
demonstrate. Ray begins walking across the room and TP flies into
him.
“Pardon me.”
TP says giggling.
“Pardon me.”
Ray says.
“It was my
fault Mr. President. Pardon me.” TP says.
“It's okay.
You're free to go man.” Ray says.
“Thank you.”
TP says.
“Duuuude.”
TP and Ray return
to their seats.
Tinkletoes shakes
his head. “That's not better than grenades. What else can the
President do?”
“He makes
appointments.” Dylan says.
“That's what
mothers are for. Next.”
“It's not that
kind of appointment.” Monitor Man says.
“The President has
the power to fill key positions within the Federal government
including his Cabinet.” Paige explains.
“Huh?”
Tinkletoes asks.
“You get to
decide who works where.”
“That sounds more
like it. Let's fire Congress first.” He says.
“You can't. They
are elected the same as you are.” Monitor Man explains.
“I'll pick out
their supervisor. TP you can be a real hard ass.”
“I can.” The
faerie responds.
“He can.”
Dylan pipes in.
“Our last Halo
tournament was brutal.” Tinkletoes says looking at Monitor Man.
Writer
Lady shakes her head and quietly sips her coffee.
“It
was.” Carp adds. “Limited rations, water was the
only beverage, scheduled
bathroom breaks.”
“I
had the stomach flu.” Ray says.
“You
toughed it out.” Dylan says. “Cause 'War is Hell'.”
“War
is Hell.” Ray says. “Duuuude.” He reaches over Peter's head to
high five Dylan.
“I
was a character in one of the Halo games.”
Monitor Man says.
Everyone looks at Monitor Man, studying him.
“I
remember you!” Dylan says. “I love being you!”
Monitor
Man smiles.
Tinkletoes
looks at Monitor Man, then at Dylan, then
back at Monitor Man. “You're
that guy.” He says. “Good Soldier. Good
Man.”
“I
remember that contest.” Diomedes says looking at Writer Lady.
“Most riveting.
Bugsy and I are now learning how to participate. The ways that you
humans fight is completely different than the ways of magical
beings...”
Tinkletoes
clears his throat.
“Most
riveting.”
Diomedes says finishing his thought.
“I
still don't know if being President is going to be more fun than my
grenades.”
“You'll
be in charge of the armed forces.” House's voice sings.
“All
of 'em?” Tinkletoes asks.
“All
of them.” She responds.
“You
could play with their grenades instead of yours.” Dylan says.
Tinkletoes
stands in front of the group not speaking, the wheels in his head
turning, a twinkle appearing in his eyes. He looks at Monitor Man
and says. “We could play a game of Halo.
A real one.” Tinkletoes
looks at Monitor Man, “Not
a real, real one. Not
all of the technology exists yet. It will when I get done.”
“How
is this important?” Writer Lady asks.
“I
can prove to the American people that I can keep them safe and kill
all the aliens.” Tinkletoes announces proudly.
“Context...remember
what we talked about.” Monitor Man whispers.
Tinkletoes
clears his throat. “I can prove to the American people that I can
keep them safe and kill all the Space
Aliens.”
TP
snaps his fingers, the television disappears, and a large dry-erase
board appears behind Tinkletoes.
“Space
Aliens are at the top of my list of concerns when it comes to the
current state of this country.” Ray says looking at Dylan.
The
little boy nods in agreement.
“That
and the pending re-collapse of our economy. It's totally coming.”
Tinkletoes
overhears and looks at Ray. “Ray. Destruction of all space
aliens.” He says.
“You're
right. We should stay with the important stuff.” He agrees.
A
couple of coughs are heard coming from the direction of the couch.
“Speaking
of important subjects...” Writer Lady says. “...Monitor Man has
something to say.”
“I
did bribe you with coffee so you would get up didn't I?” He says
smiling.
“You
kind of did.” Writer Lady smiles back.
“Good
coffee?”
“Good
coffee.”
Tinkletoes
looks around the room, fidgeting, and waiting his turn. He pulls the
cap off of the marker, puts it back on, pulls it off the of the
marker...
“Grown-ups...”
Dylan says.
“...can
be so boring.” Ray says, finishing the sentence
“I did come all of
this way to talk to you about a war. The Ninja Zombie War.”