Exploring A New Dimension Without A Guidebook

 

“Maybe if I walk backwards.”   Carp says turning around to face the road already traveled.

“What are you doing?”  Tinkletoes asks.

“The cat and the lioness came from behind.  What if there's more and it's on its way?”

“Okay.”  Tinkletoes says continuing his hike.   The self-proclaimed mercenary sees something ahead, processes what he sees and smiles.   “The interesting stuff is in front of you.”

Carp turns around, there is a sharp intake of breath.  The assassin in training stops and stares.  “It's an antelope, blocking the road.”  Carp says looking at Tinkletoes.   “And he's meditating.”

Spots Wash watches the space recently abandoned by their target's unknown ally.   The sound of their footsteps grow fainter and disappear into the darkened trees.

“Should we split up?”   He asks.

“No.”  Smudge Mal says. “We follow Monitor Man.”

“What about the other guy?”

“We stick to the mission.”

“What if the other guy comes along and saves Monitor Man?”

“He can't.”

“What if he can?”

“He won't.”

“What if...?”

“We are Browncoats.”  Smudge Mal says looking at his brother.  “We took the job.  We finish the job.  That's it.”

Spots Wash walks around Smudge Mal in a circle, thumping his tail behind him as he walks.

“I'm older and what I say goes.”   Smudge Mal says.  “So don't challenge me on this.   You won't win.”

“If we don't do something about the other one you won't win either.”

“Don't worry lil' brother.  I have already made adjustments to the plan.  I have already made adjustments.”

“Psst.  Psst.  Psst!”   Writer Lady whispers from a few feet behind Monitor Man.

“What?”   Monitor Man whispers.

“Do you see anything?”

“No.  I don't think that it worked.  What are you doing back?  You've only been gone for a few minutes.”

Writer Lady continues closing the distance between them.   “You said, 'Walk over there.' ”   She says gesturing with a nod of her head.

“Was I a little bit short with the instructions?”  Monitor Man asks.

“Ye-ah.”

Monitor Man attempts to explain his instructions.

“Shhh...”

Monitor Man looks at Writer Lady.

“I heard something.”

“You heard something?”

“Didn't you?”  She asks.

He listens more closely then shakes his head.   “I hear nothing.”

“You can't hear that?”

He shakes his head.

Writer Lady looks at Monitor Man, “When you get back home you might want to get your ears checked.”  Writer Lady turns her head and listens again.  “It's getting closer.”  She whispers and slips off towards the phantom sound.

“I'm getting a dog whistle.  How about that for a hearing test?”

Writer Lady turns around, “What? Why?”

“It's a gift?   My friend just bought his first dog.”  He answers weakly.

“Oh.  Why are you thinking about that now?”   She asks with a puzzled look.

“I don't know.”  Monitor Man says.   “It just popped in there.”  He elaborates gesturing to his head.

Writer Lady looks at him for minute and continues her pursuit.

“I'm getting a dog whistle and she might want to get her head examined.”

“I heard that!”

“You have a useful, yet dangerous talent.”  Monitor Man says quietly as he watches Writer Lady make her way deeper into the jungle.

“Hi.” Carp says as he stops in front of the antelope.

“Shhhh...”

“What are you doing?”  Carp asks the antelope who is sitting cross legged in the middle of the road.

“Relaxing.”  The antelope says without opening its eyes, “I find that traveling these roads keeps me on edge.”

Carp looks at Tinkletoes.  Tinkletoes looks at the antelope.  “Why?” He asks. “Is it dangerous?  It doesn't look dangerous.”

The antelope opens one eye and studies Tinkletoes for a moment.   “No.”  He says.  “I find them to be very...busy.”

Both men look at the empty road, the open meadow, all of the wildflowers.

“Where?”  Tinkletoes asks.

“Just wait.”  The antelope says.   “You'll see.”

After several awkward moments Tinkletoes takes over.

“So, you been here long?”   Tinkletoes asks.

The antelope opens one eye, then both.  “I just arrived, although I have lived here forever.”

Tinkletoes leans in and whispers to Carp without taking his eyes off of the antelope,  “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I think it means that we are in another dimension.”

“This is Faerie.   Time does not exist here the way that it does in our world.”   The antelope looks at Tinkletoes and Carp with amusement.  “Don't tell me that you traveled to another dimension without knowing the most basic details.”   He smiles.  “That would be like going from a city to a tiny jungle village without knowing that the occupants are cannibals.   Neither of you know about Faerie? Isn't this going to be interesting.”  The antelope rises from his seated position to stand on his hind legs.  “And to think...I almost decided to stay in today.”   He leans in closer, gently sniffing at the two newcomers.  “Visitors to On-Ramp. From America.  The central region?  No.  I know that smell.”   He sniffs again. “The Midwest.”   The antelope announces looking at the two men expectantly.

Tinkletoes looks at Carp.   Carp looks at the antelope and nods.

“My name is Buck.  Black Buck.  It's nice to meet you.”   He says offering a hoof.

The On-Ramp To Faerie

“Where's Writer Lady?”   Tinkletoes asks.

“You're not going?”  Dylan asks looking up at Tinkletoes.

“Now way man.”  Ray says.

“This is so typical.”  House groans.

“They're her cats.”  Tinkletoes says.

“Dobby's your friend.”  House points out.

“I'm going.”   Tinkletoes says.  “She should be there.”

“I think we should go.”  Carp says.

Tinkletoes looks at Carp.   “You just want to go so you can see stuff.”

“It is Faerie.”   Carp says.  “We have survival skills.”

“I have survival skills.”  Tinkletoes counters.   “You have camping skills.”

“Whatever.  Let's go.”

“And Writer Lady?”

“Everyone else can look for her while we're gone.”  Carp says looking around the room.  There are nods of agreement.

“I'm the cat.”  Ray says grinning.  “Dudes...she likes cats.”

Carp makes a confused face and thinks about making an effort to catch the train of thought as it travels through Ray's head.

“No.”   Tinkletoes says to Carp.  “Don't get on the Ray train, you'll blow a gasket.”

“Good point.”  Carp agrees.

The self-proclaimed mercenary turns his attention to House.  “Tell us more about this on ramp of yours.”

“What do you want to know?”

“This isn't Twenty Questions.”  Tinkletoes glares at House, then at Carp.   “Get the intell.”

“Let's start with the basics.  How do we get there?”   Carp asks.

“Really?   How do you think you get there, Mo-ron.”

“House, darling, not everyone knows how Faerie works.” Mural Man says. “Even if they do know about Faerie your story has not been added to Lore.”

“Fine.”   She sighs.  “TP made me a gatekeeper to the on-ramp he created.”

“So?”  Tinkletoes says.

“I can get you to the on ramp in whatever way I choose.  You can walk through the pantry, flush yourself down the toilet...”

“Or simply walk through a door that you enchanted...”  Carp suggests.

“Let's go.”   Tinkletoes says.

“I'll go get my gear and we'll be on our way.”

“I'm already packed.”   Tinkletoes says reaching for the front door knob.

“We need a tent, rations, a change of clothes...”

“No we don't.   Let's go.”

“We don't know how long we'll be gone.”

“Not long.”

Carp looks at Tinkletoes.

“We're picking up cats and finding Monitor Man.  It's easy.  Hike down the on-ramp, herd em' up, and move em' out.”

“You do realize that you are talking about herding cats.”   Carp points out.

“Go get your stuff.”   Tinkletoes says.  “We leave in five minutes.”

Spots follows Smudge into the darkened canopy of trees.   Both kittens are on full alert, eyes wide, ears perked, noses sniffing.  They stop a few feet inside to listen and get their bearings.  Smudge hears the rustling first.  Spots hears the second rustle and catches a glimpse of the lower edge of a shoe.

“Smudge.  Over here!”

“What?” Smudge Mal whispers.

“I saw him.”  Spots Wash responds.

“No you didn't.”

“Yes I did.”

“You couldn't have seen him.”

“Why not?”

“I'm lookin' at him.”

Spots makes his way through the mud to where his brother is crouched.

“Look closely.  You can just make out the target on Monitor Man's chest.”

“I saw a shoe.”  Spots says.

“What kind of a shoe?”

“I don't know.  A shoe.”  Spots Wash offers.

Smudge Mal looks at Spots Wash.  “What kind?”

There is more rustling coming from Monitor Man's direction, the two kittens watch as he moves further into the jungle.  Both get a good look at his feet.

“Monitor Man is wearing boots.”

“I didn't see boots before.”  Spots Wash says.

“This hunt just got more interesting lil brother.  Our target has a friend.”

Five minutes later, as promised, Tinkletoes stands in the middle of the bonus room, “What now?”  He asks.

“Stand in front of the window.”   House answers impatiently.

“Which window?”  Carp asks, he's wearing his fatigues and is loaded down with gear.

“The one to your left.”  Mural Man answers.

Carp turns right and faces the window.

“Your other left.”  House says.

Carp turns to face the window that Tinkletoes is already facing.

“Hurry up.”   Tinkletoes says.

“Remember.”   House says, slowly.  “I am opening the door not only to another place but another dimension.   If you wouldn't mind showing some patience.”

“I have patience.   This is a rescue mission.  Everything should already be in order.”   Tinkletoes points out.

“Look GI Joe, I'm in charge here.   Get over yourself.”

Tinkletoes' jaw clenches, an eyebrow goes up, and he starts the looking around the room for her mural.

Carp looks at Mural Man, “We'll be sure to do that.”  He says.  Facing the window, waiting, and muttering, “Come on.  Open.  Please.”

The floor moves in one sharp jolt.   Beginning at the lower left, a narrow stream of light is seen moving between the edge of the wall and the frame of the window. The stream of light outlines a large bridge.

“What's that sound?”   Carp asks.

“A zipper.  Opening the door is like opening a zipper for her.”  Tinkletoes says. He mutters, “Vain, self-important...”  The self-proclaimed mercenary looks for another word, not finding one he looks around the room and says, “woman.”

Stopping at the far end of the opening, the bridge lowers to the ground outside. Both men exit avoiding the window because windows cost money and Tinkletoes isn't paying for that.   Writer Lady's backyard disappears and as they take their first steps onto the on-ramp a meadow appears before them, thick with tall green grasses and wildflowers.

Carp thinks of something, he turns around, looks into the house, and calls, “How do we get back...home?”

“How you think you get back inside a building Doofus?  Knock on the door.” House answers with an exasperated sigh.

Tinkletoes shakes his head and keeps moving.  He looks around, paying close attention to the sky as well as the ground.   “Nothing unusual yet.  It's about noon.” He points out looking up at the sky.   Looking at Carp, he says, “We have plenty of time.”

Carp follows closely.  A quarter mile into the meadow both men hear what sounds like chains turning a drawbridge going up.

“Sound effects.”  Tinkletoes says.  “It's too late to fool us.  Women.”

Carp looks at Tinkletoes.

“What?” 

“That's it?”  Carp asks.   “We're already in Faerie?”

Tinkletoes shrugs.

“The door blends in.  How are we going to know where to knock?”

A sign slowly appears that reads: HOUSE.

“Oh.”  Carp says.

Both men turn away from the door and continue forward.

“Not bad.  Not bad at all.”  Tinkletoes says.

Carp sighs.

“The grassy meadow isn't enough?”

“I was hoping to see an elf.  Maybe an ogre.”

“No dragons?”  Tinkletoes asks grinning.

“The two dragons that we know are enough. Thank you.”

“I'm looking for two things.” Tinkletoes announces. “Monitor Man and the cats.”

The meadow leads onto a worn path that becomes a lane and eventually a dirt road.

“It's so empty.”  Carp points out.

“This is the part of Faerie that is accessed through House.”  Tinkletoes says, looking at Carp.   “Not much traffic.”

“Why did TP put it here?'”

“No telling.  It's TP.  Watch out for grenades and traps.  Cause...TP.”

“Do you think that he might have set a trap for Monitor Man?”

“TP?”  Tinkletoes thinks for a minute, "if he did there's more to it than that.”

A cat passes the two men.   No, not one of the ones that they are looking for.  The cat proceeds up the road at a quickened pace.

“There ya go.”  Tinkletoes says.  “You saw something.”

“Something I don't see every day.”  Carp says.

The cat calls behind it, “Mom. Mom!”

Tinkletoes and Carp hear the response come from behind them.

“Coming dear.”

A lioness passes them calling to her charge.  “I'm coming.  You know it's not nice to run away from Mommy like that.”

“Sorry Mom.” The cat says.

“A domestic cat and a wild cat having a mother and son talk. There's something you don't see everyday.” Tinkletoes says grinning.

Carp stands open-mouthed not uttering a sound.

Tinkletoes looks around.  “This is shaping up to be a beautiful day.”  He says and continues walking.