*Email address soldierboy01@TPMail is completely fictional. No soldier boys exist at TP Mail because TP Mail was created by a mischievous faerie and does not actually exist.
**The characters of HR Apostos' blog and the FBI guys are the heroes in this story. No FBI guys were harmed in any way during the writing of the blog because this is fiction: none of it really happened.
The first thing Tinkletoes, Dobby, and Ray hear is a sucking noise. A fan stops running inside Writer Lady’s computer tower.
“Dude...you okay?” Ray asks, looking at it.
“One moment please,” is heard coming from the tower’s depths along with indistinct muttering. The fan begins running again.
Dobby Cat jumps on the table and peers in through the holes on the of the tower’s cover. A strange glow illuminates the inside.
“What’s going on?” Tinkletoes asks.
The ginger tabby looks at Tinkletoes, “TP’s talking but I can’t make out the words.”
“You can hear that? That’s got to be a 34 decibel fan.” Ray says.
Tinkletoes looks at Ray. “Dobby’s a cat. They hear better than we do.”
“What’s all the racket in here.” House’s voice echoes throughout the room. “I can’t think with all the noise. I’m attending to important business, you are distracting me.”
Tinkletoes looks at the ceiling. “National security, House. This is a matter of national security.”
Ray coughs.
“How am I expected to believe that two morons, a cat, and a faerie are entrusted with securing an entire nation? Which nation is it?” House asks.
“The nation of me.” Tinkletoes replies. The self-proclaimed mercenary begins muttering. “Damn females,” and “What could she possibly be doing that’s so much more important?” were the only two discernible phrases.
“I am planning my winter wardrobe.” House responds.
“Didn’t she just…?” Tinkletoes asks, looking at Dobby. “Didn’t you just get a makeover?” He looks at the ceiling. “You just did the thing with moving rooms around, raising the ceiling, lowering the ceiling, changing the wall colors and the pillows...all that fru fru girlie stuff. I remember because you hid my…”
“Toys?” House asks. “Yes I remember that time when you lost your toys.”
“They are my collectibles and you hid them from me.” Tinkletoes says.
“I put them away.”
“I couldn’t find them.” He responds.
“Because they were safe.” House counters. “I do remember having a makeover. It was one of the happiest days…”
“Longer…”
“Weeks…”
“Longer…” Tinkletoes responds.
“Months.”
The self-proclaimed mercenary shakes his head.
“Financial quarters of my life.”
“What do you need with a winter wardrobe when you just had a makeover?” Tinkletoes asks.
“That was two years ago Diddle Brain. That was a makeover. This is just a winter wardrobe. There’s a difference.”
“Whatever it is it needs to wait.”
“A makeover in a house not only refers to its décor or aesthetics but can also refer to changes in more permanent fixtures such as cabinets, closets, plumbing, light fixtures, not to mention appliances, furnaces, and other elements that are necessities to a well built home. A winter wardrobe…”
“Who--a…” came from inside the computer tower.
“I heard that.” Tinkletoes says looking at the monitor for any indication of what is taking place inside the computer.
“I suppose we can finish the discussion later.” House says.
“Or not.”
“All is okay.” TP calls out. “TP is ready.”
“It looks like something is happening.” Tinkletoes says.
Dobby and Ray join the self-proclaimed mercenary at the display. A browser window opens. Next the login screen for email.
“Is this what Tinkletoes uses?” The faeries asks.
“Yes.”
“Where is naughty mail?”
“I deleted it.”
“Pull it out of trash.”
“This is safe?” Tinkletoes asks.
“TP will keep you safe,” can be heard coming from the computer tower. Easy listening music begins to play, a chorus sings, “TP will keep you safe...oh yes...TP keeps you safe.”
“Open email. Respond. Say email has changed to please send all future messages to soldierboy1atTPmail.”
“TP Mail?” Dobby asks.
“TP create.Spammers come to TP. TP has fun.”
Another browser window is opened to the TP Mail page. TP Mail is vibrant with lively colors. Unicorns, dragons, and other enchanted beings take turns jumping over a rainbow bright with glittering digital faerie dust. The group sits and waits for soldierboy01 to be contacted. It is only a few minutes. The first email notifies the receiver a change has been successfully made and invites him to click on a link and type Yes to confirm he wants a year long subscription to a magazine full of bullets and babes. The response box pops up and information begins typing itself in. Tinkletoes’ first and last name, date of birth, home address.
The self-proclaimed mercenary erases the information and closes the response box.
“Hey!” TP’s voice calls out.
“Hey yourself. If you want to sign up for a $250.00/year magazine subscription do it with your information.” Tinkletoes says. “I didn’t roll onto base this morning.”
“Hmm!” The faerie responds.
A new response box pops up and begins auto filling for Ninja Ray.
Ray points to the box. “It’s okay man. Only the name Ray is mine. The rest is false information. Different house number, street address, city, state, fake phone number...”
“How are you going to pay for it?” Tinkletoes asks.
“Faerie money.”
“Faerie money?”
“Faerie money. Guaranteed to bring the bad guys to justice.”
The box finishes filling in. Send is clicked.
“How is that going to happen?”
“Faerie money comes from the big bosses’ account.”
“Big boss?”
“Money from FBI guy. FBI guy sees unauthorized charge on account. Scammer goes to jail...fast.”
“Won’t the email be traced back to Writer Lady?”
“No, it’s TP Mail. TP Mail comes from Faerie. Nothing to trace.”
Carp walks into High Command. “House wants to know if you’re done playing Tinkletoes’ internet games yet.”
Tinkletoes’ face grows red.
Carp looks at Tinkletoes. “You are not.” The assassin-in-training looks at the email box on the screen. “TP Mail. What’s TP Mail?”
“It’s a money trap.” A thump is heard from inside the computer tower and a grunt.
“You okay dude.” Ray asks.
“O-kay. TP okay.”
Smoke comes out of the back of the computer tower. There is another puff of smoke above it. The faerie re-appears. His hat is missing a chunk and his coat tails are shredded. He flutters in front of the monitor and wiggles his fingers, a new browser window appears. The faerie pulls up the news. There is breaking news.
The newscaster’s voice is heard:
Moments ago FBI agents entered a home in this quiet neighborhood in the city. The agents found young men and women working at over a dozen computer stations spread throughout the house bringing an end to a scamming ring which has been terrorizing smaller towns in rural parts of the country in recent months.
Another newscaster asks:
This was sudden what tipped law enforcement off?
She responds:
One of the scammers made the mistake of allowing a charge to be put to the account of the supervising agent who leads the FBI’s task force in Cybersecurity. The internet activity coming from this address was already on their watch list but it was the charge to the agent himself which got a warrant immediately issued subsequently leading to their arrests.
Her co-anchor counters:
I thought it was going to be a slow Saturday night.
Thanks for listening.
May your cyber surfing feel a little bit safer tonight.
Tinkletoes looks at TP. “Excellent work soldier.”
TP spins around, when he stops the previous outfit has been replaced with a military uniform. The faerie salutes the self-proclaimed mercenary. “Glad to be of service sir.”
“So does this mean you’re done?” Carp asks. “I can tell House she can go back to picking out her winter wardrobe?”
TP shakes his head. The faerie flutters up and whispers in Tinkletoes’ ear.
“TP found something called a bot.” The whispering continues. “He found lots of bots. He has an idea.”
The faerie spins again. He is now dressed as a female in a sparkling evening dress. He has long dark hair and plump lips. “TP’s a very rich cat lady who’s terribly lonely.”
Carp looks at Ray, Dobby, TP and Tinkletoes. “Sounds like fun. Where should we begin?”