Saturday, February 19, 2022

Writing Day

 

Writer Lady opens her eyes and looks at the ceiling. She listens as the weight of four paws hit the hallway floor at full speed. Another set of paws hit with a louder thump taking off in the same direction. She looks at the time. It’s still early. The sun is up already. It creates shadows of the trees and other remnants of nature that linger outside on her curtains.

Writer Lady thinks about her plans for the coming day which leads to questioning her plans for the coming day which leads to contemplating the meaning of her life.

Dobby jumps onto the bed and peers into her face. “Mom? Me and the guys we were wondering…”

“I just looked at the clock it’s not time yet kitty.”

“We were wondering if more tuna was coming.”

Writer Lady looked into her ginger tabby’s bright green eyes. “You just had some.”

“That was over an hour ago.”

“Yes there is more tuna but not this morning. Later.”

“The guys wanna know how much later.”

“There will be more tuna this evening.” She responds.

Writer Lady hears whispering coming from beyond the doorway.

Dobby turns to look at something in the hallway. Turning back to Writer Lady he says, “Would that be late afternoon evening or after dark evening?”

“In the middle.”

Dobby starts to ask another question.

“Five-thirty. You are fed at five-thirty every evening. It has been that way for most of your life.”

“There will be tuna?”

“There will be tuna.”

“That’s what I told the guys but...they didn’t believe me.”

Writer Lady turns over and looks at two pair of eyes peering at her from the far side of the entry. “Five -thirty. There will be more tuna at five-thirty.”

“Thanks Mom.” Dobby says before turning to leap off the bed and thunder through the living room calling out, “Tuna at five-thirty. More tuna at five-thirty.”

Writer Lady lays back down, looks at ceiling and whispers, “Why...why do I bother?”

“Reminder, the only way you are going to have time to do the exercising you didn’t do yesterday morning is to get up now.” House says.

“Thanks for the update.” Writer Lady says without moving.

She still has not moved when a knuckle is tapped against the bedroom door frame three times. She looks up to find Tinkletoes standing in the entry.

“There’s no coffee.”

Writer Lady rolls her eyes and ignores the self-proclaimed mercenary.

“We’ve been waiting 30 minutes.”

There is no response.

“It’s Saturday.” He announces.

Writer Lady takes a pillow and covers her head with it.

Tinkletoes enters the room and stands closer to the bed. “Saturday.” Tinkletoes repeats. “Your writing day. The day you do all things writerly.”

She does not budge.

Tinkletoes looks at Carp who is standing in the hallway.

“Maybe she’s blocked.” Carp suggests.

“You know what really helps when a writer is having trouble getting going?” Tinkletoes continues. “Making coffee.”

Writer Lady adjusts the pillow so her mouth is no longer covered. “And you know that how?” She asks.

“I heard it on one of those late night interview shows. That writer guy said it.”

“Which writer guy?”

“That one everyone loves...Steven...a...um...Evanovich.”

Carp covers his mouth to hide his smile.

“Yeah...Steven Evanovich.” Tinkletoes continues. “He wrote all those books with lawyers in them and that sappy one about some notebook.”

Writer Lady removes the pillow. “Says the man who doesn’t read.”

Tinkletoes looks at Carp. “I’m wrong?”

“You mentioned at least four different authors.”

“Really?” The self-proclaimed mercenary thinks for a moment and says, “I think I did. He didn’t write that stuff, he wrote the books about the vampires. The ones that wore glitter at dusk.”

Writer Lady sits up and looks at Carp.

“I think he’s trying to say Twilight.” Carp explains.

Well if the guy who wrote Twilight finds making coffee stimulating.” Writer Lady says. “I should try it.” She gets out of bed, puts on her robe and herds the men out of her bedroom.

Writer Lady finally sits down at her computer in High Command just before lunch. Pulling up her web page, she goes to her settings and proceeds to make some adjustments. She changes the color scheme of her web page. She mutters and changes it back. She clicks on art, adds it, then deletes it. Shaking her head and releasing a sigh she returns to social media.

Writer Lady looks at the rejection letter sitting next to her keyboard, mutters, and closes her internet window. She looks around the room not really doing anything. Hearing a sound, Writer Lady looks into the hallway, recognizing that whomever is making the sound is coming closer to High Command, she runs back to The Big Writing Chair and plops down. She opens the browser window to her web page and pretends to work.

Tinkletoes pokes his head in, “How’s it goin’?”

“Meh.”

He steps in the room and looks at the monitor. “That doesn’t look like your usual stuff.

Writer Lady turns around. “I wasn’t really getting anywhere so I thought I’d work on the web page for a bit. I'm trying to make it more visually interesting, boost traffic.”

“Have you tried adding some Camo?” Tinkletoes asks.

“I don’t think Camo is something her readers would be attracted to.” Carp says. “Most of them are female.”

“Pink Camo?”

Carp looks at Writer Lady, “Female readers might like a floral background, baby animals, a picture of a room or a place that is visually pleasing.”

“Flowers?” She asks.

“Perhaps a vintage wall paper? Something with large flowers?”

“Pink ones.” Tinkletoes says.

Tears well in Writer Lady’s eyes. “Big pink flowers?”

“Yeah.” Tinkletoes says.

She looks at Carp. “I hate big pink flowers.”

“Yeah well the web page isn’t for you. You have to set it up so people look at you.” The self-proclaimed mercenary says.

Carp rolls his eyes. “It isn’t just about traffic. It about persona. Writer Lady is right, the web page has to reflect her personality if she wants to not only get but keep her readers. A reader who feels betrayed means your career becomes delayed.”

Carp looks at Tinkletoes, “She needs to center on a persona and be that woman with her public.”

“I just want people to read my books, why do they need to look at me?”

Carp looks at Tinkletoes and smiles, “She’s so cute when she’s naive.” He looks back at Writer Lady.

“Who are you?” He asks.

“I’m a nice woman who writes stories which grow into books.”

“And?”

“They’re good stories?”

“And?”

Writer Lady shakes her head.

Carp looks at Tinkletoes. “This is going to take a while.”

The self-proclaimed mercenary leaves the room.

Carp looks into Writer Lady's eyes. “I hate to tell you this sweetie but you need more than that.”

“Why?”

“Because nice women who write nice stories don’t get published.” House declares. “And they aren't widely read.”

Carp looks at the ceiling. "I've forgotten House, how many books have you written?"


Saturday, February 5, 2022

A Self-Proclaimed Mercenary's Just Desserts

 

Writer Lady looks at the ceiling, “You’re making that up.”

“Maybe. It’s a good way to get revenge on Tinklebutt. He has it coming.”

Writer Lady shakes her head as she cooks.

“You know he does.” House continues.

“He does.” Writer Lady agrees, “But I am not going to be the one to do it.”

One hour later two pots sit on the stove ready and waiting for a bit of faerie magic.

“TP I’m ready.” Writer Lady calls.

The faerie stretches, yawns, and flies down from his lounging spot on top of the refrigerator. He flies over the pans as he inspects the food.

“One is a stew, the other Chili Mac. What I need you to do is remove the moisture from the food and package it into individual servings. The package should look like the food we showed you earlier.”

TP nods.

“I’ll wrap up the granola bars so we can get that man the hell out of here.”

TP looks at Writer Lady as he attempts stifling a giggle.

“I meant I'll wrap up the granola bars so we can get Tinkletoes and Carp on their way.”

“Okay.” The faerie floats to the far side of the kitchen. “You work here,” he instructs. “TP do the rest.”

Writer Lady gathers her supplies and moves out of the way. A familiar song begins to play as the faerie works.

“Smelly gon-go-la. Frank-en-bam-bo-la Bibbity bobbity boo…” He sings.

“TP. No.”

“What no?” He asks as portions of the entrees float in the air above each pot. TP flutters between them. As the faerie makes a wringing motion with his hands, moisture is expelled from the food as water is wrung from a dish cloth. An empty package appears labeled Big TP’s Big Entrees. A hose which extends from the package sucks up the dry food particles. When the package is full it seals itself shut, causing the hose to detach itself. The packet floats away from the stove, gently landing on an empty stretch of counter.

“You can’t sing that song. Disney owns that.”

TP stops working. “It is a faerie work song. All creatures of Faerie sing it. Nobody owns it.”

“Maybe not in Faerie but here on Earth someone does. You can sing your song just not that part.”

“Which part?”

“The bippity bobbity boo part.” She explains.

“That’s what makes it so fun.”

“It could be considered copyright infringement if you sing it so please stop.”

“I don’t see what the problem is, it’s not like your making money.” House points out. “The little guy is just having some fun.”

“Let’s just find new song, okay?”

TP rolls his eyes. “Okay.” The faerie sings. “Smelly gon-go-la. Frank-en Bam-boo-la….” He pauses for a few beats and continues. “Smelly gon-go-la, frank-en bam-bo-la…” TP looks at Writer Lady. “It’s not the same.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Sucky humans.” The faerie mutters as he continues his work.

The last packet seals and floats down into an open box just as the final grain of sand falls through the hour glass. Tinkletoes walks through the house and picks up the box without saying good-bye. Carp says “Thank you,” to all and encourages Writer Lady to get some sleep as he follows the self-proclaimed mercenary out carrying a case of bottled water.


Two Days Later

Tinkletoes walks through the living room, gear bag in hand, disappearing down the hall without uttering a word. When he returns several minutes later, Writer Lady puts down the book she is reading and follows him into the kitchen.

How was your camping trip?” She asks as he pours himself a cup of coffee.

Fine.”

The food?”

"MREs aren't usually dehydrated. You could have just had TP vacuum seal them. The food would have been fine."

"Really." Writer Lady comments.

"It would have saved you some work." 

Writer Lady bites her tongue. "Anything else?"

The self-proclaimed mercenary shrugs. He stares at the clock on the stove as he sips his coffee. “I do have one question.”

Yes?”

I find myself wondering why I went to all the trouble to wake you up and ask you for food.”

What do you mean?”

You made two different meals?”

Writer Lady nods.

Everything I ate this weekend tasted like Chicken A La King.”

The Chili Mac?”

He nods.

The stew?”

He nods again.

The granola bars?” Writer Lady asks.

Everything. I would have just taken what was already in the bin with me if I had known that was gonna happen.”

Writer Lady sees something moving in her peripheral vision, she looks past Tinkletoes to find a rooster wearing a velvet cloak and crown. She watches as it struts through the laundry room behind the self-proclaimed mercenary’s back, out of his line of sight. The rooster turns to look at her, puts the tip of a wing to his beak and whispers “Shh...”

Ancient Writings and Keyholes

  “ What language am I looking at that of the elves or that of Faerie?” Writer Lady asks. “ That is the precise question wh...