Driving An Assassin -In-Training To Facepalm

 

“What can I do for you?” The scammer asks as the word CREATOR disappears from above his brow.

“You were talking to me,” one man says.

“What about my investment?” A woman asks.

“You said you wanted to get together, I'm available at seven. Want to meet at the steak house?”

 Several of the scammer’s admirers speak at once.

“One moment,” the scammer says. Turning away from Writer Lady, he returns to the group he had been speaking to.

“It is October 29th 2023 all of your car warranties are about to expire.” He announces. Turning to face the crowd to his left he says, “The current lottery jackpot is at 42 million dollars. You have thirty minutes left to buy a ticket before the next drawing. You can check your numbers here in an hour and sign up for a special app which predicts winning numbers. Have your credit cards ready.”

Writer Lady looks at Carp and makes a face.

Carp leans in and says, “Just talk to him, he’ll be even more killable on the page when you get to know him.”

“They won't really give him money will they Mom?” Dobby Cat asks.

Writer Lady looks back at the crowd. Several people are holding credit cards.

“The app does not go up for sale until after tonight’s drawing, you'll have to wait.” The scammer says walking among the crowd quietly collecting credit card numbers as he works the group.

“Unfortunately they are Kitty.” Writer Lady whispers, “Although I’m not sure they know about it.”

Dobby slips past Dick as he returns to his position in the center of the room. The ginger tabby pauses to lift the gadget the internet scammer had been holding moments before. Dobby flips a switch and Writer Lady watches the crowd of onlookers momentarily glow green as their funds are quietly returned to them by the cat.

Upon returning Dick gives his full attention to Writer Lady. “Where were we?” He asks. “Oh yes, The CREATOR had a question.”

Writer Lady looks at Carp.

“I told you,” the assassin-in-training says, “he's anxious to talk to you. Dick wants to be born just as badly as the rest of these characters.”

“It's true.” The internet scammer confesses, “the prospect of being born and existing in a story all my own...let's just say I've been waiting for my big break for a long time. I can do amazing things for you.”

“I'm sure.” Writer Lady says.

“I can be the character that gets the world's attention.” He says moving in more closely.

Writer Lady takes a step back as Carp places a hand on her shoulder. “What else can you do?” She asks. “Is this the part where you look into my eyes and ask me what it is I truly desire.”

There's no reaction from Dick's direction.

“If you'll just excuse us.” Carp says as he guides Writer Lady to a private spot. “What are you doing?”

“There's something off about him, I don't like it.”

“The man ain't right.” He agrees. “That's why he's the perfect candidate for the dead guy in a murder mystery.”

Writer Lady shakes her head, “There's something creepy about him, the way he lies and practically slithers around people...it's not normal.”

“Supporting the concept that he's a really bad guy, the reader will understand completely why he ends up dead.”

Writer Lady looks in Dick’s direction and turns back to Carp, “I find myself wondering whether it's the ethical thing to do, releasing a character like Dick into the wild.”

“He's not real.” Carp points out.

“I'm standing here. I'm talking to him.”

Carp shakes his head, “You are standing in a visualization within your mind observing your own thoughts, remember? It’s not real it's like a dream on steroids.”

“You're right.” She admits. “Thanks for the reminder. But, what if a character like Dick gives people who read the novel, ideas. I don't feel good about it.”

“Would you feel better releasing the psychopath?”

“No.”

A finger comes down and taps Carp on the shoulder, “Can we get back to my impending birth?” Dick asks.

The retired romance novelist turns to the internet scammer and says, “If you'll just give us a minute.”

Writer Lady and Carp find a table and chairs in a dark corner next to Holdings’ entrance, far away from Dick. “Let me try explaining this again.” Carp says, “You have the potential to create two different stories featuring two very different characters. Successful stories.”

Writer Lady looks at Dick the internet scammer standing in the center of the room surrounded by his admirers. Something moving in a dark corner on the opposite side of the room grabs her attention. Was her eye meeting one of Serial Killer's eyes or was light bouncing off his evil grin? “They're both such dark characters. The stories are going to be really dark.” Writer Lady counters. “Couldn't I do something different with them? Like what if, what if the internet scammer and the serial killer solve crimes together?”

“You did not just say that.” Carp comments. “First of all they’re criminals so it's been done.” Taking a moment he continues, “If I reach a little bit I can kind of see where Dick's particular skill set might prove useful in a criminal investigation but what about the serial killer? The reason a serial killer is a serial killer is they have a compulsion to kill. How are you going to write stories that keep the other one, how do I say this...satiated?”

“The ones that get away?" She asks. “He can kill those people.”

“It’s been done.”

Writer Lady continues talking, “A few creepy jokes, it could be a cult classic, you know a fun campy novel.”

Carp raises his hand to his brow and runs it down his face. “Did you not hear me? You have a chance to be successful.”

“Couldn't the pairing up be successful too?” Writer Lady asks.

Carp looks at her, trying very hard to be patient he says, “Either you want to be successful or you want to write campy criminals.” The assassin-in-training takes Writer Lady's face in his hands, looks into her eyes, and says, “You can have campy or you can be successful you can't have both. You need a break Sweetie and dark stories are what's selling right now. Do what you want but don't be sitting next to me crying in your cocoa this winter when your career is as frozen as the ground outside.”

Writer Lady thinks for a bit. She releases a sigh and calls to Dobby Cat.

“So what are we doing?” Carp asks.

“Going home.”

“You’ve made your decision?”

“I have.”

“What do I tell Dick?”

“Give him a thumb’s up.”

Carp smiles, “You're going to be so glad you listened to me,” he says.

Writer Lady and Carp rise from their seats, the party begins their trip out of Writer Lady’s internal world, back to their everyday one. Writer Lady says, “I've been thinking about adding a third character maybe a virtuous defense attorney who's too honest for his own good. Oh, I have a working title too: Stuck In The Middle With You.”

Carp looks at Writer Lady and mutters, “She shoots her career in the foot once again then wonders why she's bleeding out,” he shakes his head as they step out of the depths of her imagination and back into High Command.

The Darker Side Of Holding

 

Writer Lady peers back at the face belonging to the character who so desperately wants to be born. A dark and dangerous one. The man is of average height and slight build. He has the face of an amicable neighbor down the street. Writer Lady can see from his looks how he might attract his victims, mislead them into a false sense of security. She finds herself wondering how a thin man like him would overpower them.

“I'm a man,” he says reading her face. “Men naturally have more upper body strength than women. Especially women who are more interested in their looks than their health, you know the type. The women who don't exercise or hit the gym. The ones with the perfect hair and nails that are more interested in laying on the beach, showing off their bodies and chasing the latest trends while they gossip about people who actually do something meaningful with their time. That's where I started out,” he said. “They're my favorites.”

Her eyes grow wide as Writer Lady's voice catches in her throat.

“Bor-ing.” Carp’s voice sings next to Writer Lady's head.

 Turning she looks up at the assassin-in- training as he shakes his head. “Can you be any more unoriginal?” Carp leans in close and whispers into Writer Lady’s ear, “Don't mind him someone probably stole his Barbie® dolls one too many times when he was a child.”

The serial killer turns his gaze from Writer Lady to Carp.

“That took a while didn't it?” Carp asks, the assassin-in-training turns his attention back to Writer Lady, “Did you know that most writers have areas they excel in?”

Writer Lady waits for more information.

“Some pen flowing descriptions, some create amazing worlds, others have a knack for zippy dialogue, some devise mind blowing plots, and others create incredible characters. You have a knack for zippy dialogue and I thought that was your strong suit but I've been looking around this place and the rate at which you create characters...let’s just say Antarctica wouldn't be quite so desolate if you were in charge of building up the population.”

Writer Lady rolls her eyes.

“Seriously, I'm pretty sure there are characters here you don't even remember thinking of. You have to meet Dick he is the absolute worst. This guy has to be born if only so you can kill him off later.

“Violence isn't my thing.”

“Your mysteries are delicious. You might want to rethink your direction.”

Serial Killer moves from behind the chair, taking position next to Tapper he places both hands on the table between them and leans in, he looks into Writer Lady's eyes and says, “I love violence. I've killed many times.”

Writer Lady freezes not wanting to show him he is intimidating her.

“OMG.” Carp says. “You’re so scary.” The retired romance novelist rolls his eyes as he returns his gaze to Writer Lady. “Seriously Dick is way more interesting.”

Serial Killer grumbles.

“Dude all you do is creep around and kill people, that is so last century.”

Writer Lady puts a hand over her mouth to cover a smirk that has involuntarily appeared. She looks at Carp, “What is it Dick does what makes him so killable?”

“He's a cyber criminal.” Carp announces.

“That covers a lot of ground, could you be more specific?”

“He started out trolling, then moved on to cyber stalking, then a bit of light hacking now he's into fishing, catfishing, malware, occasional ransomware, celebrity impersonation...anything you can think of he's done it.”

“For how long?”

“Ages.”

“He would have lots of victims. All over the world.” Writer Lady says thinking out loud. “Revenge, professional jealousy, a simple need to stop him...there could be several motives for murder in Dick's case.”

“And an infinite number of suspects.” Carp bounces as he claps. “You've been looking for a new story this could be the one that gets you on the map.”

“I'll never be on the map the map keeps moving.” Writer Lady counters.

Carp makes a face, “It’s just an expression, there is no map, there never was one. Anyone who tells you they have a map is full of it. Remember we only fail when we stop trying.”

“What has her getting on a map got to do with our current situation?” Tapper asks.

Writer Lady looks at Tapper, “You're talking!”

“I am.”

Writer Lady wonders what inspired her to create Tapper’s smile. Wherever it came from, it was a good one.

Serial Killer picks up where Tapper leaves off. “My time has come. Call me forth now.”

Writer Lady's eyes grow wide as fear builds inside her. She doesn't know what to do.

“Mom?” Dobby Cat says.

Writer Lady turns her attention to the ginger tabby. “You are the writer.” He says. “No matter how scary he looks you're the boss.”

She nods not certain she completely believes it. Tapper reaches out and takes Writer Lady's hand, he looks in her eyes and nods. She faces Serial Killer. “Not only am I certain this is not your time to be born I am wondering whether you should continue to exist at all, if you don't mind this is a private conversation.”

Serial Killer gives her a look she suspects he reserves for his victims in their last moments before death, growls and walks away.

“That was good.” Tapper says.

“Great going Mom.” Dobby Cat says embracing her.

“Not bad” Carp comments.

Writer Lady smiles, she turns back to Tapper. “You have a voice now, are we good here?”

“I think we are.”

“Until we meet again.” she says.

That lovely smile returns to Tapper’s face, “I look forward to working with you.”

Writer Lady returns his smile. Tapper rises from his seat walking in a direction opposite to that of the Serial Killer.

“Finished?” Carp asks.

Writer Lady nods.

“Great I can finally going to introduce you to the scammer.” Placing a hand on Writer Lady’s arm he guides her to the center of the room. In it stands a pale young man with dingy and unkempt hair. His chin is so weak his face practically blends into his neck which disappears under the collar of his sweater. The man is surrounded by a group of people who he seems to be talking to simultaneously.

“Yes, I know it's so tough being alone.”

“Hey babe, you kinky?”

“Make a fortune the easy way through virtual currency.”

“Flip houses successfully with no money.”

“Hi I'm JK Rowling.”

“Hi I'm Channing Tatum.”

“I'm Keanu Reeves.”

“Hi you may know me as Prince Harry. Elon Musk and I would love to invite you to join a unique opportunity.”

“Save the children.”

“Save the children.”

“Save the children.”

Writer Lady whispers to Carp, “You've been talking to him?”

“Yeah.”

“How?”

“Say something to him and see what happens.”

Writer Lady taps the scammer on the shoulder, “Hello,” she says. He turns to face Writer Lady. The scammer’s pupils light up as he scans her face. The word CREATOR lights up on the scammer’s forehead momentarily then disappears. “Hello.” he says with a warmth she did not hear in his other conversations.