A Bad Man In The Graylands

 

“Someone make him stop.” House groans.

“He only said it a couple of times.” Paige points out.

“A couple of times is one too many. He's scared. Of what, the Teletubby police?”

Furnatche yips at the ceiling.

“I’m only saying what everyone else is thinking.”

The group watches as Chester pulls at his restraints muttering about Excalibur and how nobody loves him.

“I hate to admit it but House may have a point.” Peter observes. “Lady Gray’s message said she suspected the attacker might be from Earth. What human could be so dangerous Excalibur would be needed to take him down? Who on Earth could possibly be more scary than the enchanted beings who live there?”

“Badman. Who? Is anyone with her? Does she have any weapons? It sounds like she won't be a problem. Call me if anything changes.” Richard Badman says before removing one hand from the tree's trunk and letting go of a leaf covered branch with the other. His combat booted feet step over the tree’s roots as he turns and surveys what is happening within the camp. His camp. His army of wild ogres. The first wave. The second wave of ninja-zombie soldiers further back in the forest await orders. Badman’s dressed for battle from his combat boots and camo pants all the way up to his sparkling white “There's no denyin’ I'm a bad man” t-shirt. “Never could have done this at home," he says surveying the scene in front of him. Badman watches as Captain Ugh! moves through the camp stepping on campfires and pushing over soldiers on the way. Wild ogres seem to have no manners, which is probably part of what makes them wild.

“Attack now!” Captain Ugh! says.

“Lady Gray has grown weaker but Captain Ozar’s still with her. We need to get him out of the way.”

“The sword!” The wild ogre counters.

“Even if Excalibur appears when she is alone, how can she wield it? We're sticking to my plan. Strike when Lady Gray is alone.”

Captain Ugh! grunts and leaves.

Richard Badman sighs as he watches Captain Ugh! throw a soldier into a wagon. The wild ogre bounces off the wagon’s side and falls into a nearby campfire. The ogre attacks his fellow soldiers as they pull him out of the flames. Badman turns and looks at the forest surrounding him. “Come on.” He lowers his voice, “Show yourself. That weapon's in here somewhere. I'm gonna find it.”

A soldier is thrown against the outside of a wagon, Tinkletoes watches as the wild ogre falls into the campfire and the fighting that ensues as a result.

“Are they always like this?” He asks.

“They are wild ogres. It's part of what defines them as wild.” The ogre Captain Ozar sent to assist Tinkletoes while he's working with Lady Gray's forces comments.

“Sergeant Memen reporting for duty Sir.”

“I only need a few questions answered.” Tinkletoes says. “How big is your army?” He asks without looking at the newcomer.

“There are 700 within the walls of Castle Gris, another 1200 are spread throughout the grounds. We have an additional 200,000 that can be called back if needed.”

Tinkletoes looks at Sergeant Memen. “Why so few on site?”

Lady Gray is one of the most powerful beings in Faerie. She’s never been in a situation where she could not take care of herself. Her ladyship has always been more concerned with the safety of those who live within The Graylands’ borders than her own.”

Tinkletoes looks at the enemy camp, “There are about 1500 wild ogres out there," he says. “If the 1200 you mentioned get called back in time it’ll be okay. If there's a second wave we’ll be screwed. And nobody with half a brain would try this without a second wave. Have any of the surrounding countries mobilized troops recently?”

“All is quiet.”

“Which means the second wave probably consists of mercenaries and other soldiers of fortune. You know of any?”

“No.”

“It's time to start looking. I'll need another report at 0800.”

“When?”

“8:00 a.m.”

Memen stares.

“In 3 hours?”

Nothing.

“Look at the sun.” Tinkletoes says pointing skyward. “I'll need an updated report when the sun is somewhere around there," he says pointing further up from the horizon.

“Of course.” The ogre says walking away.

“Good work.” Tinkletoes calls out. “Dismissed.”

“What do you think?” Dobby Cat asks approaching the self-proclaimed mercenary as Sergeant Memen disappears into the distance.

“We're okay for now. There's going to be a second wave. One Captain Ozar’s not ready for. Unless we think of something this war is going to be lost during the second half.” Tinkletoes looks at the ginger tabby. “I think I've got a plan.”

“He’s a capable fighter.” Writer Lady says attempting to step over something that scurries across her foot in the darkness. Startled, the heel of her boot gets caught in the hem of her gown, nearly tripping her over her own feet in the darkness. “The problem is this is a war against people who probably have plans. Good ones and Tinkletoes isn’t really much of a planner. Not that I've seen anyway.”

“I watched as you emptied your pack. He thought of everything, you were well supplied.” Captain Ozar says.

“For survival and weapons but there was no change of clothes. Which is my exact point. Tinkletoes does well with most things but there are gaps in his execution. Anything we can do to help win this will be to our advantage. What is this place?” She asks.

“These passageways were built not long after the time of the elves had ended.” Captain Ozar says.

Writer Lady listens as they walk past dusty stone walls and continue their exploration passing through cobweb covered archways.

 “A small group of budding scholars studied these passageways for years, their theory was they would lead to an entry to the elves’ abandoned shrine.”

“That’s not entirely correct.” Lady Gray says picking up where Captain Ozar left off. “These passageways appeared not long after the time of the elves had ended. No one knows who or what built them. Some, that group of budding scholars included, theorized Faerie herself created them. Early records say the elves left the shrine and instructions for protecting The Graylands behind for us to find. Scholars came to the conclusion the elves' time ended before a passageway to it could be completed.

“Faerie finished it herself?” Writer Lady asks.

“Faerie finished it herself," Lady Gray repeats.

“If Faerie finished the elves' project, why hasn't the shrine been located?” Writer Lady asks wiping away dust with her cloak before holding her torch up to study intricate carvings on the wall in front of them.

“Because her work was interrupted.”

Just Call Me Lou

 

“Cupid always says love is what we live for, love is what keeps everything going. I know it's what keeps me going, even after death. Yeah it's true, I died a long time ago. But you could tell just by looking at me couldn’t you? It's the suit. This suit's a dead giveaway.

I can change clothes. It's not like I'm stuck with the thing, I've looked around. They don't make clothes like this anymore. So here I am still wearing it.” I said admiring the cut of my coat sleeve. “Not too tight in the shoulder but a perfect fit along the sleeve. Not too tight and not too loose. This suit’s a classic just like me.” Finding a bucket nearby I turn it over and take a seat. “Dead? Yeah I'm dead.” I look around. “Yeah. This is home when I'm not on a job. You want to know something that no one ever tells you? It's one of the truest things I know. You never remember where you were on the day you were born but you never forget what's going on around you when you die. Unless you have a strong tie to some other place...a family home, a city you love, a person you can't imagine being without…see, what's left of you will get tethered to something...and unless you already have a place in mind what you're tethered to is going to be where you died. That special bond can also tether you to where you were murdered, it's where you took your exit. Like it or not, I made my exit here. Not here, here. But in this alley. Behind us, over in the corner, the one with the lamp post and the broken light? My killer shot the bulb out on that lamp in 1938. You know what? It never comes back on, no matter how many times they change the bulb. Yeah, I was a mobster. A real bad guy. Young, quick, smart, and most importantly an orphan. Unattached. No wife, no kids, no siblings, or parents to look for me. No one to care. It made me the first person hired for the most dangerous jobs because if something went wrong and I died no one would miss me.

At least no one they knew about.

The only thing was I did have someone. They just didn't know about her. Marion, a showgirl with beautiful eyes, legs that went on forever, and a sharp tongue. She was a girl who could take care of herself and I loved her for it. I watched her for quite a while after I bought it,” I look at the newcomer, “then one day in 1965 she disappeared. I couldn't find her anywhere, which is the day Cupid made me an offer I couldn't refuse. He gave me a promotion to Fairy Godfather and now I help people. It's nice to meet you." I said offering my hand. "Do me a favor? Don't call me Fairy Godfather or even Godfather just call me Lou. Like I was saying I help people fall in love. A guy like me. I know, right? I really wondered what Cupid was thinkin’ at first. I've always had a knack for sizing people up. It doesn't usually take me long. It turns out my talent works on non-mortals too. So here's what I've learned. As you probably know Cupid is a big deal. He has been for a long time. Bringing couples together and helping them fall in love kind of does that for a guy. What I figured out is at this point he only wants to work the easy cases. The ones that give him lots of good press. If I’d been doing this as long as he's been, I might go about it the same way. The more challenging cases, women stuck in towers, women closely guarded by fathers or uncles or dragons etc... he gives them to the Fairy Godmothers. Then there are the tough cases. Okay, the really tough ones. The cynics. The people who are so fed up and frustrated by not finding love they stubbornly refuse to look anymore. The truly heartbroken people. The deeply lonely ones. Those are the cases I get. Cupid told me when he offered me this job that if I took it he'd help me find Marion. He'd help me find my girl. I think I might have already told you that. To be honest, for something I always thought this was for wimps, this is really satisfying work. There are some really stubborn, lonely people out there. We're about to meet two of ‘em.”

Chester The Court Jester

 

“If the records were kept by elves, how were you able to read them?” Writer Lady asks.

“The scrolls my scholars discovered were written in our language. A rudimentary dialect but our language nonetheless.” Lady Gray explains.

“We have no proof this place of magical learning ever existed here much less if any remains can be entered. There's no information regarding the language that was used there. Keeping that in mind, it's not necessarily correct to assume no one can read what may or may not be found within its walls.”

One corner of Captain Ozar's mouth turns up in a grin.

“We may or we may not be able to read it.” Lady Gray admits.

Writer Lady continues to recap everything she's been told as she considers the next step, “The Graylands are under attack, weakening you as a result, and Excalibur is missing. We may have the means to defeat the attacker but if what is needed does exist it probably requires an interpreter. The one thing we know for certain is that the only thing between the bad guys and us in addition to your current defenses is a self-proclaimed mercenary who works for baked goods and his trusty pile of hand grenades.”

“How far out are we?” Tinkletoes asks.

Daemon holds up his arms and spreads them apart halfway.

“We're about two miles away, that's what I thought.” Tinkletoes agrees. “The enemy is to the west. Castle Gris is to the west of them. They’re lookin’ the other way. The enemy’ll never see us comin’.” He looks at the woods surrounding them. They are a deep green. Branches of various color and size lay on the ground. The self-proclaimed mercenary spots something purple next to his bag. It's a tiny flower. He watches as a light dusting of magic sprinkles the ground beneath the bloom making it momentarily radiate a brighter shade of purple. Tinkletoes looks at Dobby. “You sure about the door we came in through? It doesn't look much like the Graylands here.”

Dobby Cat turns from his position watching campfires burn in the distance and approaches Tinkletoes. “We’re in the right place, let me show you something.” The self-proclaimed mercenary follows the ginger tabby northwest into an area of the woods partially devoid of color. The trees and ground are in the grayscale Tinkletoes finds more familiar. Strips of gray hang down in some places revealing the vibrant woods he was squatting in moments earlier reminding him of partially unrolled wallpaper in the process of being hung.

“Lady Gray’s powers are weakening revealing the Graylands’ true enchantment and beauty.” Dobby Cat says.

“She dyin’ or something?” Tinkletoes asks.

“No. According to her soldiers, she’s not. When Excalibur is here it uses its own magic to help power her glamour. The sword is not here. It hasn’t been for a while now. Lady Gray has been trying to hold up the glamour by herself for too long. She's exhausting her power.”

“She's growing weaker?” Tinkletoes asks.

“Yep.”

“It's about time we gave her some help then isn't it?” The self-proclaimed mercenary says with a grin.

“Help! Help!” The creature calls out as he runs along the passageway.

“There's No Escape Pilgrim.” TP calls as the faerie closes in.

“We've got you now.” Aunt Purdy calls. She’s standing at the other end of the corridor. Peter and Paige flanking her on either side.

The pointy-eared creature stops before reaching the end of the line. Raising one hand, it sends a burst of magic to the wall directly to its left. A multi-colored, sparkling rectangle appears on the wall creating a door, it bursts through the opening to find Dylan and Furnatche standing on the other side.

“Gotcha.” Dylan says.

Furnatche yips in agreement.

The creature puts its hands up in surrender as it walks towards the boy and the baby dragon. It steps past the pair and stops behind them.

“TP's coming. Wait here.” Dylan instructs.

The creature nods. The moment Dylan and Furnatche turn their backs it raises a hand and wiggles a finger at a spot on the wall a short distance away, as a door appears the creature begins running. Bars appear over the door blocking the creature’s exit.

“Not so fast.” Peter calls.

TP appears fluttering in the air next to the creature.

“It's a He.” The faerie announces. “He's not going anywhere.” Sparkling rope encircles the creature's hands and feet. “Not now.”

“It's about time,” House says. “All that rearranging was making my floors crawl.”

Dylan thinks for a minute, “When you changed your interiors did that make your floors crawl too?” He asks.

“No Sweetie. It's different when a building controls her own changes.”

The boy shrugs and turns his attention back to the action.

“What is it?” Paige asks, looking at TP.

“He's a hobgoblin. His name is Chester.” TP pulls a Jester hat out of the air and puts it on the prisoner's head. “He's the jester from Lady Gray's court.”

“I thought only queens had courts.” Paige says.

“In Faerie we do things however we like otherwise it's bor-ing.”

“Let me go.” Chester says.

“No,” TP giggles. “This is too much fun.”

“Tell us who you are and why you're here.” The nine-year-old girl instructs.

“But we know.” TP comments.

“I want to know more.” Paige says.

“We don't need to know more,” the faerie counters.

Paige gives TP her determined look.

Never, nevermind.” TP says looking at the floor.

"My name is Chester and I'm Lady Gray's court jester. I'm a hobgoblin,” the short creature says.

“Why are you a jester?”

“What?” Chester asks.

“Aren't hobgoblins mean, mischievous creatures that wreak havoc wherever they go?” Paige asks.

“Not all of us.”

“Your kind does. Diomedes has been telling us about all the different creatures he's seen in Faerie. You match his description of the bad ones.” She says.

Chester's reddish brown color fades a bit as he looks at the floor. “I wasn't good at doing hobgoblin-y things. My fam...I was banished. I wandered Faerie for quite some time when Captain Ozar stopped me on the road to Castle Gris. After we had spoken for a bit I was taken to Lady Gray. She took me in, giving me food, shelter, and a safe place to live. I did the only thing I knew how to do to thank her. I told her stories. Her ladyship found them entertaining. With a bit of practice I discovered I could make her laugh. One day, she offered me a permanent place in the castle as her court jester. Now she needs help. Help! Help!” Chester calls.

“We know silly.” TP giggles. “Writer Lady and the others are already in Faerie.”

The hobgoblin stops yelling and thinks about what TP has said. “Are they brave?” He asks.

Peter looks at the others before answering. “Yeah.”

“Are they strong?” Chester asks.

“Most of them.”

“Are they smart?”

“Some of them?”

“It’s going to be okay.” Aunt Purdy says. “You can go home now.”

The hobgoblin shakes his head. “More magic. Lady Gray needs more magic. We have to find Excalibur NOW!” Chester cries.