Mom's Meltdown

“Mom what are you doing in the kitchen? It's time to write.” Dobby says entering the kitchen.

“I'd like to, but once upon a time my cat made a deal a with mercenary selling his mother into a life of baked good, excuse me, cupcake servitude.”

“Come on, Mom. It's not that bad.” Mom glares down at the cat. “At first it was not too bad. Tinkletoes gladly accepted whatever I felt like baking. He still takes cakes, pies and cookies without a word. But the cupcakes...”

“Tinkletoes really has an intense love for your cupcakes.” Dobby offers gently.

“If you love something, aren't you happy just to have it? Did you see the note he left?”

“I saw it.”

“Did you read it?”

“I lost my patience with TP last week because he was cheating at our game of eyeball soccer, so TP took my ability to read away. I would have to say “no” .”

“Let me read some of it to you. I would like 24 cupcakes this week: regular size. 3- chocolate, 3 devil's food, 3 chocolate mousse, 3 mint chocolate chip, 3 chocolate fudge, 3 dark chocolate, 3 dark chocolate bacon, 3 chocolate coconut.”

“So he likes chocolate. Make a really big batch of chocolate batter and make them look a little bit different.” Dobby says.

“P.S. Don't make all chocolate cupcakes and try to dress them up like you did last time. I can taste the difference.” Mom reads off of the list. “Think about this...do the math. Do you have any idea how many recipes that is? Eight! I had to mix up eight different batches of batter! Bacon! Do you have any idea how expensive bacon is? Who puts bacon in a cupcake anyway? Where does he get this stuff?” Mom's voice keeps getting louder.

“Relax Mom, you look a little bit frazzled.”

“Me frazzled? I don't know why I would be frazzled!” Mom yells so loud her hair stands on end. “Wait just a minute, kitty. You haven't heard the best part.” “One of each cupcake should have chocolate frosting, one of each dark chocolate frosting, one of each white chocolate frosting except of course for the mint chocolate chip which should have crème de menthe frosting with one candy artfully plunged into the top of the frosting mound. The chocolate fudge should all have a chocolate ganache center, the dark chocolate a white chocolate cream center except for the dark chocolate bacon which should have a chocolate ganache center with a piece of bacon inside. The dark chocolate bacon cupcake should also have dark chocolate frosting and five bacon pieces on top. The chocolate coconut should be topped with coconut cream frosting with twelve chocolate sprinkles per cupcake. Tinkletoes has a serious problem.”

“That is?” Dobby asks.

“He is becoming the Howard Hughes of cupcakes. It's not mentally healthy for someone to be so passionate about something that is to be consumed for so long. Speaking of healthy, if he is eating all of these himself why isn't he getting fat? Why do we still owe him baked goods? I'm 42 years old kitty I don't have this kind of time left on the planet. If I did I'm fairly sure I wouldn't spend another 42 years baking these FREAKING CUPCAKES!!! Something has to be done about this. This week's batch of cupcakes is done I'm soaking in the tub. Make sure you get a date from Tinkletoes stating when this arrangement will be fulfilled and make sure he knows I will not be baking like this again.”

Mom and her hair leave the kitchen, loudly.

Tinkletoes enters the kitchen through the back door of the house. “Hey Dobby. Do you have the cupcakes?”

“On the counter.”

“They look fantastic. Your mom is one the best bakers out there. I am making loads of money at the nursing home down the street on these babies. This business idea was a great way to settle your debt with me.”

“You make extra money. I don't have to get my picture taken in a pink dress.”

"And the parasol, don't forget the parasol."

Running water can be heard coming from the bathroom, the door opening. Stomping feet.

“I forgot my towel! CRAP!!!” Mom yells, the bathroom door slams closed behind her.

Tinkletoes listens to Mom's frustrated exclamations. “Dobby are you sure your mom can handle it? I have been a soldier for a long time I have met suicide bombers that were more relaxed. A LOT more relaxed.”

“She's fine. This is just some new therapy she is trying. You pick your most difficult hour of the week and vent all your frustrations during that time. It helps her feel...happier.”

“If that's happy, I would hate to see her mad.”

The soap drops in the bathroom.

“CRAP!!!” Mom yells. (Vulgar language commences.)

“I think we should go now.” Dobby says. “Or clean up the kitchen.” Tinkletoes and Dobby leave the kitchen.