Taking The Long Way Around

“Mom? Mooom!” Dobby calls jumping on Mom's head as she is sleeping.

“Dobby, you're standing on my hair. What is it?” Mom asks yawning.

“It's time for the blog. You can't go to bed until you write something.”

“I know that. I was just...resting my eyes for a minute.” Mom says as she stretches from her long nap.

“You slept so long I thought you would never wake up. Were you practicing?” Dobby asks.

“Practicing?”

“You know...”

“No Dobby I don't know.” Mom says.

“For when you're dead.”

“ 'Cuse me?”

“Well you have been really tired lately. You keep saying things like, “I hope I don't have to do this again anytime soon and Just kill me now why don't you?”

“Dobby, I was talking about painting the bedroom. It was a more labor intensive task than anticipated. Who knew forty year old paneling could be so dry and moisture repellent? People say things like that when they are frustrated, taking a moment to vocalize their difficulties with sarcasm before moving forward, that's all.”

“So you're not dying?” Dobby asks.

“No.”

“And you are done with the bedroom?”

“I am done painting it, barely.” Mom answers looking at her freshly painted blue hands.

“Good because we need to talk.” Dobby announces.

“Again? What now?” Mom whines.

“Really, 42 years old and you resort to whining?”

“I'm sleepy. It's all I've got right now.” Mom answers rubbing her eyes.

“It's bad enough you have been really busy lately and don't cuddle me enough. Then you didn't consult me on the new paint colors for our bedroom. I have discovered recently that you are not doing enough to promote my blog.” Dobby says.

“Me...not promote...your blog?” Mom answers in a clipped manner.

“It is our blog. It was my idea, I set up the page, I do all the typing, I interpret your words so the world can understand you...I feed you. You hate cuddling 90 percent of the time.” Mom stresses.

“What about that other 10 percent?” Dobby asks. “Just kidding. I love it all Mom, I really do. But if I am going to accumulate the fan base I need to get the endorsements not to mention the girlfriends I am looking for I really need you to step up your game.”

“What?” Mom asks in surprise.

Dobby decides she might be experiencing some hearing loss. “I REAL--LY NEED Y-O-U TO STEP UP YO-UR GAME!”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.” Dobby answers in a calm and patient manner. One has to remain calm and patient with those that are losing their noodles.

“Dobby. Listen to Me. I am your mother and I love you. We do this for fun. Not for personal gain. Not to accumulate admirers. For fun. This blog has always been a shared endeavor.”

“You mean like we share the bedroom? The one you never discussed paint colors with me about?”

Mom hides her head in her hands. “Okay Dobby. How do you feel about the paint colors?”