The Quest For Dobby's Destiny --Part 1

Disclaimer...

This tall tale is a dramatization of previous events. Some of the events have been listed in a different order to make things more interesting and because, being a writer...Mom can do that. Names have been changed to protect the poor innocents who had the bad luck of encountering someone as nutty as Mom. Thank you for sticking around. May you be ROFL when this quest is over. I use the abbreviation ROFL because I am a cat and therefore too cool to type the entire phrase out.

Beware for the little ones there is some adult language.

The Quest For Dobby's Destiny

It was a dark and stormy night...

“Mom!” Dobby says.

“What?”

“You're doing it again.”

“Doing what?” Mom asks.

“Using 'It was a dark and stormy night' again. That's not allowed.”

“Yes it is.”

“No it's not.”

“Yes. It is.” Mom emphasizes. “I am the writer and what I say goes.”

“Even if it stinks?”

“Even if it stinks.” Mom agrees. “What? What stinks?”

“Your opening.” Dobby says. “This story is a quest. No one ever says “It was a dark and stormy night...” to open a serious quest story.”

“Where were you last Thursday night?” Mom asks.

“Here at home.” Dobby answers.

“How do you know it wasn't a dark and stormy night?”

“Well, let's see, you went to a city in a desert at the end of May. There are two seasons during which it commonly rains in Arizona neither of which are in May so...what are the odds it was raining much less storming when you arrived? When it storms in the desert there are what...four to eight drops of rain? You went to a city. Cities have street lights, building lights, billboards...which keep the streets from getting very dark. A dark and stormy night Mom? I doubt it. Seriously doubt it.”

“You think you can do better?” Mom asks.

“Mom. It's me. Of course I can do better. I can write it just like I was there with you.” Dobby answers approaching Mom from behind.

“How are you going to do that?”

“It's called a Feline Mind Meld.”

“Only a Vulcan can do that.” Mom points out.

“Anything with pointy ears can do it with anything else that has pointy ears.”

“My ears aren't pointy.”

“I am a fictional character by at least fifty percent Mom.” Dobby says with patience.

“So.”

“Artistic license, Mom. Do I have to take it out of my pocket again?”

“Where did you get a pocket?”

“Artistic li-cense.” Dobby answers jumping up on the back of Mom's chair. Placing his right paw at the base of Mom's neck, “Don't worry Mom this won't hurt much.”

“This could hurt?” Mom uses a lot of colorful words to describe her discomfort.

“So what's this meeting crap about? Dobby's Mom and I were just getting ready to leave for the con.” Tinkletoes says with irritation.

Tinkletoes and Mom put their bags down in the entry to the living room and approach Dobby. TP is sitting in a cross legged position. The faerie is floating eye level to the humans with his arms at rest in a meditative position.

“TP had a vision.” Dobby says. The ginger tabby is sitting underneath the floating faerie.

“Oh. A...vision.” Tinkletoes says. “Let's drop everything and wait for the show.”

Mom glares at Tinkletoes.

“How long is this gonna take? I have people waiting.”

Dobby looks at Mom rolling his eyes.

“Your 'people' will have to wait.” TP says opening his eyes. “This is a quest for Dobby's Mom.”

“Me?” Mom asks.

“Yes Writer Lady, you. You must travel many miles to the Land of the Rising Bird. There you must charm the evil knight who hides under white armor into letting you through the Hall of Distractions. Next, you find your way into the realm of the Queen of the Amazing 'Fro and her Most Colorful Court. Once there you will meet with His Lordship and Ladyship of the Drawn Story. They will look into your soul and see that Tinkletoes' communications have truly been records of actual events and not some random crap he made up. His Lord and Ladyship will grant Dobby's Mom entrance into the high court of the Gem of the Con who will sign a note to Dobby. This note recognizes Dobby as a V.I.F. (Very Important Feline) thereby inviting him into the world of adoration. When Dobby enters that realm he has the chance to have females and random admirers hanging on his every contented blink.”

“I told you this was important.” Dobby announces looking at Tinkletoes.

“That doesn't sound very different from what I had planned. I'll make sure she completes her mission.” Tinkletoes says reaching for Mom so he can guide her back out of the room.

TP faded from sight and reappeared in front of Tinkletoes and Mom. “You are not going.” TP says, looking at Tinkletoes.

“What?”

“You cannot go.”

“Of course I can go. I made the phone calls, I paid the deposit fees, I bought the tickets,” Tinkletoes stops and thinks before he makes his final appeal, “do you have any idea how many cupcakes she had to bake for us to go to this thing?”

“How many cupcakes...I...baked?” Mom repeats a light dawning on Tinkletoes' comment. “What are you talking about?” Mom asks Tinkletoes as she stands in his space. Tinkletoes is glaring at the faerie and ignoring Mom which is the safest thing to do if Mom is getting mad.

“What did he mean by that?” Mom asks, looking down at Dobby. Dobby pretends to wash himself and avoids eye contact.

“You are not going to the con Tinkletoes. Merlin has spoken.” TP states with finality.

“Merlin has been dead forever. I'm not listening to some dead guy. Tell him I said 'No'.”

“Merlin has spoken.” TP emphasizes.

“I have spoken...back.” Tinkletoes responds. There is soft brush of paw against the tips of the mercenary's fingers.

“Make an exception this time man. Merlin is part fae. One of the oldest and most powerful wizards both Earth and the Fae have ever seen. Merlin never died he just left our world. Our dimension of time and space.” Dobby explains. “He can also go bat shit crazy and kick your ass all over the place.”