Stuck In The Doldrums

Last night, conditions were not favorable for continuing on our quest. With a little reassurance I decided this is a good time for a brief intermission. I was trying to get things going last night and went back to Twitter where the writing that became Saturday Night Silliness started and wrote this. May it hold you over and keep angry villagers from my doorstep. Okay...there are only three villagers but I have a tiny doorstep.

Dobby: Mom?

Yes, kitty.

Dobby: Why aren't you writing?

I'm having trouble getting started. Something is wrong.

Dobby: I'll go get you some coffee.

I have coffee.

Dobby: I'll go get you some chocolate.

The coffee is chocolate.

Dobby: Maybe if you turned off the music...

I like this song. *Deanna Carter, “Did I Shave My Legs For This?”

Dobby *sniffs at Mom's leg* You don't need a shower.

Dobby: You don't look worse than usual.

Actually this is dressed up for me, kitty.

That's it! It's the dress! I'm not comfortable. This thing is too short and I feel like my boobs are hanging out. Maybe if I change...

Dobby: You look nice. Leave the dress on.

I'm used to jeans and t-shirts. I'm comfortable in jeans and t-shirts.

My robe! That's even more comfortable. :)

Dobby: U wonder why u don't have any dates...*rolls eyes*

Dobby: U are quiet, distant and you don't even try.

I tried. I politely asked a man out some time ago. It's not my fault he never answered.

Dobby: It's the robe. I'm telling u.

It's not the robe.

Dobby: What were you wearing when u asked him out?

It doesn't matter. I asked from the Internet. No one can see u.

Dobby: Mom...

Okay! I was wearing the robe. U happy?

Dobby: Leave the dress on.

I don't wanna. Now that I think about it a woman asking you out in a robe is really sexy.

Dobby: Really?

When there's nothing underneath the robe, it's sexy. ;)

Dobby: *shakes his head* No mom. It's not. It's just slutty.

*Mom pales considerably*

Well. Then...if the robe is slutty so is this dress.

Dobby: Are u wearing a bra? Panties?

Yes and yes.

Dobby: Then the dress is less slutty.

If I take off the panties can I put on the robe?

Dobby glares at Mom.

I know, I know leave the dress on. :P

The Quest For Dobby's Destiny--Part VI

“You know something, kiddo? That almost makes sense and I am really nervous.” Writer Lady says.

“You know something Auntie? I have combat training. There is distinct protocol I have to follow to avoid seriously hurting someone in an altercation.” Warrior with Intense Blue Eyes says.

“You're not threatening your Auntie are you?”

“No. Never. It's just something you might want to remember before you call me 'Kiddo' again,” he says with a mischeivous grin.

“Point taken.” Writer Lady answers.

“I'll be with Mom” Warrior with Intense Blue Eyes says.

“I'll be over there” Writer Lady gestures toward the Lord and the Lady's booth with a nod of her head, “proving to strangers I'm completely mental.”

“If they try to detain you, I'll swear I'm your psychiatrist and you are not a danger to yourself or others. I'll spring you Auntie.”

“Thanks ki...nephew. Later.”

“Later.” The Warrior with Intense Blue Eyes answers as they take separate paths.

Writer Lady looks at the booth just 50 ft away wondering if there was any way to avoid this meeting. Noticing fewer men were looking at her with adoration she breathed a mental sigh of relief. When the Lady with the Long Golden Hair was close by the sex appeal being generated must have been much stronger. Feeling a little more relaxed Writer Lady takes another step towards an uncertain future.

“Hi! Are you going to see the Lord and Lady now?” Stormtrooper returned coming into her space quite suddenly and without warning. Friendly and eager to help.

“Umm...yes?”

“Let me take you over. I haven't had a chance to say 'Hello' yet.” Stormtrooper offers Writer Lady his arm with grand ceremony.

Alarms go off, having no idea what to do at this point Writer Lady starts to offer her hand over very slowly. The stormtrooper takes her hand and finishes placing it on his arm guiding her with great speed towards their destination.

So much for working up my courage and taking my sweet time getting over there.

“You never should have complimented his saber. Silly woman.” TP's laugh bellows in her head. “He is like a panting dog waiting for a treat.”

“You really don't need to be sharing this information, TP.” Writer Lady thinks. “Aren't you helping Lady with the Long Golden Hair?”

“Merlin alerted me to your predicament.” TP responds.

“It's not a predicament. The stormtrooper is just being polite. He will say 'Hello' introduce me to the Lord and the Lady then leave. It wouldn't hurt for you to learn how to do that. You know. Leave.”

“Fine. TP will leave. You'll be eating crow...if I do.” The faerie sings out a warning in Writer Lady's head.

Writer Lady is treated to a vision of herself gnawing on an uncooked crow, feathers and all. “Um...before you go. You don't mean I have to literally eat crow, do you?”

“That is typical protocol in Faerie when admitting defeat.” TP says with his General Patton impression. “And. Make no mistake Writer Lady, you will be admitting defeat and searching for aid.”

Thinking for a moment about what she knows the faerie is capable of Writer Lady changes her stance just a bit. “TP. I have to say, I'm really not a big eater these days. How about if you just stick around?”

“A wise choice, my dear. A very wise choice.” TP answers.

“So this lovely woman is here to see you.” The stormtrooper says.

During the time it took TP and Writer Lady to work things out telepathically the stormtrooper had led Writer Lady to the booth, greeted the Lord and Lady of the Drawn Story and explained that she was here seeking an audience with them.

“Thank you Buzz. We've got it from here.” The stormtrooper took his leave.

“Buzz?” Writer Lady asks.

“He likes to call himself Buzz Lightsaber because Stormtroopers don't usually have lightsabers. He wants everyone to know he is one of the good guys.” The Lord of the Drawn Story answers. “Are you the Writer Lady we have been hearing so much about?”

“Yes.” Writer Lady answers. “It's so nice to meet you.”

“Smile.” TP bellows.

Writer Lady smiles.

“Not like that you look like you're in pain.”

Writer Lady relaxes her facial expression somewhat.

“Shake.” TP instructs.

“What?”

“Shake hands with them.”

“Shouldn't this be a little more, formal?” Writer Lady mentally asks TP.

“No, we only go through those dated performances during formal ceremonies. This is hardly formal.” The Lady of the Drawn Story answers in reassurance.

Deciding too much weird stuff has been happening to start demanding answers now Writer Lady shakes hands with the Lord and the Lady.

“We were expecting to see you with Tinkletoes. He called this morning to say he was unable to attend. It's a shame his stories of late have been so entertaining.” The Lady of the Drawn Story commented.

“Yes they have.” Writer Lady agrees.

“I have no idea how he came up with the recent ones. We have always shared an interest in this.” The Lord says raising his arms to their surroundings. “But he never writes and only draws when he is designing another light saber.”

The Lord and the Lady stood close together his arm around her waist in a caring manner. They made a lovely couple.

“That is actually what I came here today to discuss with you. I know this is going to sound really far fetched but...I have this cat. His name is Dobby.”

The Quest For Dobby's Destiny Part V

Letting out a deep sigh Writer Lady says, “Okay I'm better now. Let's go.”

Scanning the room the Warrior with Intense Blue Eyes looks at the Lady with the Long Golden Hair and shakes his head.

“You have not calmed sufficiently for us to continue.” The Lady with the Long Golden Hair says.

“What? Why not?” Writer Lady looks around the room trying to see what the Lady is seeing. “The men that have gathered have not dispersed. You are still a distraction to them. I have to help you relax more. Tell me, my sister, do you still like bubble baths?”

“Yes. I love them. I never seem to have the kind of time it takes for a good soak anymore.” Writer Lady answers.

“Close your eyes. Slow your breathing. Picture the most beautiful bathroom, bathtub you can. The tub is filled with scented bubbles. Inhale the aroma in the room. Take in the sight of candles lighting the room. Climb into the tub and settle into the hot water. Let it soak into the tension in your neck, back, legs and feet.”

“I would really like a massage.” Writer Lady says.

“Picture an attractive, attentive man rubbing your feet.”

“Ah...That's nice.”

“Ugh!” Warrior with Intense Blue Eyes grunts finding himself standing in between the two women and a half dozen men. “What the...?”

“It's okay son. Just hold your ground. It appears Auntie's dream turned a little... sexy. I'll bring her out of this.” The Lady with the Long Golden Hair instructs.

“Sure Mom. No problem. I'll stop the bulls from running through Pamplona too after this while I'm at it.” Warrior with Intense Blue Eyes answers in frustration.

“Dear sister. You have relaxed a little...too much. It is time to wake. I want you to think about your mission now and what comes next.”

Writer Lady opens her eyes to find herself standing with her back against the wall, the Lady with the Long Golden Hair and the Warrior with Intense Blue Eyes crowded up against her. A half dozen men are staring at them, within a second the men are looking to the center of the room and walking away.

“What was that?”

“The creative visualization didn't work like I hoped.” The Lady with the Long Golden Hair responds.

“That's an understatement.” The Warrior with Intense Blue Eyes retorts.

“Do you mean to tell me when my dream got...sexy, they could tell?” Writer Lady asks.

“The scent of our pheremones are five times stronger. It is more noticeable to the men here. Some of them are...frustrated.” The Lady with the Long Golden Hair answers.  "Your problem is that you fear the your gifts so when you try to use them everything comes out at the wrong intensity and without focus.  You might consider more lessons when all of this is over."

 Writer Lady nods. Her brow furrows with tension.

“What is it my sister?”

“Well, if I have all of this sex appeal how can I get through the meeting with the Lord and Lady of the Drawn Story without you know, charming him inappropriately?”

Lady with the Long Golden Hair laughs at Writer's Lady's simple question. “He is married. Charms lose their intensity around married men. You will be a woman like any other women while you are in the meeting.”

“Oh good.”

“You can thank the first Lady with the Long Golden Hair for that, your ancestor tired of being attacked by men's wives, girlfriends, etc... So she asked Merlin to modify your DNA. It weakens markedly when within 2-4 feet of a married man which cuts down on attacks, assasination attempts, general drama and it also makes finding a mate easier when the time comes.” TP's bellowing voice explains. Writer Lady can tell from the lack of expression from her companions all are listening to the faerie's narration.

“Yeah right.” Writer Lady thinks rolling her eyes.

“Wait a minute. Mom? What about Dad?” Warrior with Intense Blue Eyes asks the Lady with the Long Golden Hair. The Lady looks at her son and pats him on the arm lovingly. Turning away from her son, she heads further into the Hall of Distractions.

Warrior with the Intense Blue Eyes' gaze follows after his mother for a moment he turns to Writer Lady and says, “Are you ready?”

“What?”

“Are you alright, Auntie? I said, 'Are you ready?'”

“No. I don't know if I am.”

“Why?”

“ I am meeting with people I have never met before, I am going to tell them this outrageous story. I need them to believe it is true. Some days I can hardly believe it's true myself and  I  live with it everyday.”

“First of all Auntie, I want you to know I love you,” Warrior with Intense Blue Eyes says, “I think you're crazy, I have never even seen this cat of yours much less heard him speak. But if you say he talks I also know that he must be able to talk. Crazy as it sounds to other people, this wanna be soldier guy, Tinkletoes can hear the cat too. Even considers Dobby a friend.”

“Tinkletoes is retired military and a wanna be mercenary that works for baked goods please don't confuse the situation,” Writer Lady says reminding her nephew of all too important facts.

“Yes, Auntie.”

“Two completely different people who don't live under the same roof can see and talk to all of the same creatures and fictional characters. What are the odds they are both crazy in the same exact way at the same exact time? Tell the Lord and Lady of the Drawn Story the truth. Give Tinkletoes the credibility he needs. Stay unified. As long as the two of you are encountering these things neither of you are crazy.”

The Quest For Dobby's Destiny –Part IV Revised

Writer Lady approaches the stormtooper as slowly as she can get away with. She is so not ready for this and keeps repeating to herself, “What do I say? What do I say?”

She hears TP's voice in her mind. “Slow your breathing, say 'Hello'.

“What the...?” Writer Lady exclaims as she trips falling face first on the floor at the stormtooper's feet.

“Silly Lady,” TP giggles “It's just me. Doing an Obi Wan. I will be your coach for this encounter. Charming is a very delicate matter. There are so many Do's and Don'ts in this situation I could not tell you all of them in time.”

“Getting inside my head and making me wonder if I am going crazy isn't really the best approach.”

“Good you are talking to me mentally instead of using your voice. You are a quick study. Maybe this will be okay.”

“Ma'am are you alright?” The stormtooper reaches down to help Writer Lady up.

“Yes. I am.” She answers rising.

“Don't forget to say 'Thank You'”.  TP instructs Obi Wan style.

“Thank You.”

“Smile.” TP says “Big.”

Writer Lady smiles.

“Bigger!”

“Look you obnoxious flying bug man, I've only got so many teeth. According to my nephew, teeth are not what men look at. Also, I'm taking away your television privileges when we get home. Obi Wan.”

“I'm so clumsy.” Writer Lady says, smiling again, looking where the stormtrooper's eyes are supposed to be.

“It's okay. There is so much to see. People run into each other all the time at these conventions. Especially the first day.”

“Okay. You are doing good, the stormtooper has good feelings towards you.” TP encourages.

“Why wouldn't he? I'm a wonderful freak-ing person!” Writer Lady snaps. She is still angry with TP.

“So where are you headed today?” The stormtooper asks.

“The usual looking around, taking in all that is a con. It is my first Comicon.”

“A con virgin huh?” The stormtooper asks.

Writer Lady looks down to the floor and looks back up, “Yes you could say that.”

“That's good. He is warming up nicely. You said you were no good at this.” TP says.

“Have a nice time at the Con.” The stormtooper says.

Writer Lady was so glad to be finished with the encounter she was walking away as the stormtooper wished her a nice time. She quickly turned back and said, “Thank you. I will,” smiling again.

“The Lord and Lady. Where are the Lord and Lady!” TP yells.

“Oh and um...I was also hoping to say “hello” to the Lord and Lady of the Drawn Story. Do you know where they might be?” Writer Lady smiles her biggest smile yet.

“He has stopped. Relax he is doing a mind scan.” TP says.

“Wha...?”

“Shhhhhh!” TP admonishes.

“They are in the main booth in the center of this section about fifteen feet inside. Everyone knows the Lord and Lady. Just ask at the main table. Do you know you have really nice eyes?” The stormtooper asks.

“Thank you so much.”

“That's good,” TP instructs. “Smile big and let's get going. Whatever you do...”

“I like the light saber. It's a nice touch.” Writer Lady says.

“Don't mention the saber.” TP moans. “You just had to mention the saber didn't you?”

Writer Lady walks into the Hall of Distractions and finds a quiet space along the wall.

“What's the big deal? It's a saber!” Writer Lady says.

“A saber is not always a saber my dear Writer Lady.”

“It wasn't really a saber? I complimented it.” Writer Lady says, the color slowly drains from her face. “I think I need to sit down for a minute.”

Writer Lady slides her body along the back of the wall curling into a vertical ball.

“Is it hot in here to you?” she asks someone standing nearby. They look at her and shake their heads, taking a couple of steps away.

“Slow your breathing. Breathe in. Breathe out.” TP coaches.

The Lady with the Long Golden Hair and Warrior with Intense Blue Eyes Approach.

“She got in.” Warrior with Intense Blue Eyes says to the Lady with the Long Golden Hair. “I don't believe it.”

“I told you. Every woman has this magic. Few of them are can wield it correctly. Writer Lady just completed one of her first lessons,” says the Lady with the Long Golden Hair.

Writer Lady shakes her head.

“No? What do you mean 'no'?” the Lady with the Long Golden Hair asks, “You are in the Hall of Distractions you must have been successful.”

“She screwed up!” Warrior with Intense Blue Eyes says. Writer Lady nods while fanning her face. She continues breathing in a labored manner. “Now she's hyperventilating.”

“You must have screwed up really big Auntie.” Warrior with Intense Blue Eyes says.

Writer Lady nods.

“Did you try to toss your hair?” Warrior asks.

Writer Lady shakes her head.

“Did you flutter your lashes?”

Another shake of her head.

“You showed him your legs didn't you?”

She shakes her head no.
At that moment a man walks by holding a brightly colored light saber.  Writer Lady looks at the saber then looks at the Warrior with Intense Blue Eyes.

“Oh no! You didn't!” The Warrior with Intense Blue Eyes says.

She nods.

“Put your head between your knees Auntie. You'll feel better.” Writer Lady listens.

Warrior with Intense Blue Eyes leans in to Lady with the Long Golden Hair and whispers Writer Lady's faux pas.

“What happens now?” Writer Lady asks. Her breathing has steadied and the hot flash has passed.

“We go on with our quest and hope he wasn't too enchanted with you. Try to stay out of his line of vision from now on. Stay away from secluded spots you might get cornered in easily too.” Warrior with Intense Blue Eyes instructs.

“This is crazy.” Writer Lady says.

“She screwed up.” TP points out. The faerie neglected to tell Writer Lady he could talk with her other two companions as well.

“I screwed up! You didn't warn me about talking to me in my head, didn't warn me about the saber thing and you let me fall on my face.” Writer Lady counters.

“I am not here in physical form. I could not stop you from falling.”

“Ma—gic!”

“It would have blown your cover.” TP points out.

“There's a big difference between falling on your face when you're a kid and when you're 42. I could have hurt a lot more than my pride. Just keep that in mind. Okay?”

“Relax, this is not as big of a disaster as the males make you think. Getting so upset about the situation only makes you more attractive to the single men here.” The Lady with the Long Golden Hair, points out.

“Excuse me, if I'm upset. No one told me complimenting a man on a toy could be an equivalent to giving him my room key.”

“It's not a toy! It's a collectible!” All of the men in their immediate vicinity respond.

Dumbfounded Writer Lady's tirade is momentarily ended.

“Did you just say my attitude was making me more attractive?” Writer Lady asks the Lady with the Long Golden Hair.

“Damsel in distress.”

“You have got to be kidding me.” Writer Lady looks around the room. Several men are watching. When she looks at them, they stand taller and puff out their chests showing her their interest in coming to her aid.

“The only way to get them to stop is to relax. These men have to feel like everything is okay again,” the Lady with the Long Golden Hair says. “Find your calm. I will let you know when we can get going again.”

The Quest For Dobby's Destiny --Part III

We find Writer Lady and The Lady with the Long Golden Hair on the main floor of the convention center the next morning right after breakfast. The Lady with the Long Golden Hair's son has joined them.

“I've got our badges.” Writer Lady says handing a badge to the Lady with the Long Golden Hair and her son Warrior with Intense Blue Eyes. “I think this is going to be a lot of fun.” Writer Lady says looking around main floor of the convention center. There is quite a bit of activity around them. Convention goers wearing costumes. Pictures being taken against a festive back-drop. Throngs of people coming out of the main hall with their own badges. “What should we do first?”

“Do not forget. You are on a quest my dear sister.” The Lady with the Long Golden Hair reminds her.

Writer Lady looks at the doors to Hallway 2. TP had instilled instincts within her spirit to help Writer Lady complete her mission. There he is standing at the entrance, white armor shining in the cool light of the darkened entry. The evil knight is guarding the entry protecting his Lord and her Ladyship of the Drawn Story from those with impure intentions. Writer Lady's breath catches in her throat.

“Mom's right Auntie you're on a mission. This is important. Stay focused.”

Writer Lady finds it difficult to turn her gaze away from the Stormtrooper fearing if she took her eyes away he would reappear in her space. Before she was...ready. “Charm, him? I can't even charm a regular man how am I going to charm an evil knight who is standing there just to rid the building of someone like me?” Writer Lady says looking at Lady with the Long Golden Hair. “Why didn't TP enchant me with that? Maybe bigger boobs, a better butt, prettier hair...” she says looking at the
Lady with the Long Golden Hair. “You, my dear sister, this is why you are here. To charm the evil knight.”

“No. TP says not to. You have to do this yourself.” the Lady with the Long Golden Hair answered.

“You have gifts for charm and persuasion. Can you give them to me for a few minutes?” Writer Lady asks.

“I can only teach you some things. TP says that Merlin has spoken.”

“Merlin has a lot to answer for.” Writer Lady mutters. “Okay. So how will I know I have charmed trooper boy over there?”

“You will know” the Lady with the Long Golden Hair says.

“He has that big helmet thing on. Full body armor too. I don't think there is going to be a whole lot of body language going on.”

“You will know.”

“Auntie, what Mom is trying to say is, when a woman has a man's full attention she can tell.” Warrior with Intense Blue Eyes says.

“You don't understand what I'm saying. The bullshitometer inside my brain or heart or wherever does not work correctly. I think I know exactly what's going on...wrong every time.”

“You've been married...twice.”

“Random anomalies.” Writer Lady says.

Warrior with Intense Blue Eyes puts his face in his hands, frustrated. The Lady with Long Golden Hair reaches out to her son. “Relax. We will be successful.”

“Boobs...not enough. Butt...not enough. Hair...meh. How about your legs Auntie? Show the guy some leg.”

Writer Lady lifts a leg of her jeans. “Unless he's got a thing for the mountain man look I think we're out of luck.”

“Auntie!”

“I was going to shave my legs later on.”

“How did you do it?” Warrior with Intense Blue Eyes asks.

“Do what?”

“Get the weed wacker in your carry on luggage.”

“It's not that bad.” Writer Lady counters.

“It's not that pretty either. It would be like going out with a guy or something.”

“It's a good thing I'm not going out with him then. He could have been scarred for life.”

“How often do men look at a woman's toes?” Writer Lady asks her nephew.

“Meh. Only if he is doing a full body scan.”

“Oh well I tried.”

“You got a pedicure didn't you? Who gets their toe nails done and doesn't shave their legs? I'm a guy and even I know a woman is supposed to do that.” Warrior with the Intense Blue Eyes looks at the Lady with Long Golden Hair. “I can't help here. She's all yours. I'll be back later.”

“Honey, I want you to relax. You can do this.” The Lady with Long Golden Hair says. “Yes, good physical presentation can be useful in charming a man. It's not everything though.”

“It isn't?”

“No. Confidence can get someone farther in this type of situation than just about anything. I want you to do three things. Talk to the evil knight like he is the only person in the building, look him in the eyes and smile. It is one of the simplest and quickest ways to show confidence. I like to call it the 'Triumphant Triangle'. Keep in mind you are my sister so there has to some of my ability fluttering around in there somewhere.”

Writer Lady nods, takes a very deep breath and starts to make her way over to the Stormtrooper.

   The Quest For Dobby's Destiny

                  Part II

“Is it hot in here or is it just me?” Mom says sitting down on the arm of the couch. “Dobby kitty where did that candy bar go that I brought home with me last week?”

“So it begins.” TP announces smirking.

Mom looks at the clock. “I don't care what kind of problem y'all are having, but I'm getting tired of this shit! I have been busting my butt to get out of town without any issues. Dammit I'm going!” Mom's face is bright red with anger. “I don't know why everyone keeps trying to steal my happiness away.” Mom starts crying.

Tinkletoes looks at Mom shocked at this development. Looking back at TP, “Do you mean Merlin can make her?” TP nods. “But we all just did this.”

“Not cramped together on a plane for five hours, you haven't. With extra turbulence, so you won't be able to get up and go to the bathroom for some peace and quiet.”

“I'll just get her a pill and it will all go away.” Tinkletoes says.

“Except, there won't be any available between here and there.” TP counters.

“He wouldn't make every woman between Illinois and Arizona do this?”

“He can and will.” TP answers, “If you do not cooperate.”

Tinkletoes looks at TP closely. TP stays firm, the faerie means business. The mercenary looks at Mom who has stopped crying and is now wiping her eyes and smiling at a mini chocolate bar Dobby is holding up to her. 

“Chocolate makes me happy.” Mom sniffles.

“I know Mom. You already said that.” Dobby answers.

“I'll just pick up some more chocolate.” Tinkletoes looks at TP, “There isn't going to be any more of that either is there?”

“Not the tiniest shaving.” TP says.

Tinkletoes stands as close to TP as he possibly can and says. “I would love to back out of this. Especially now. I am on a mission of my own. This is a little bit awkward...” Tinkletoes leans in and starts whispering to the faerie.

“Writer Lady, would you mind procuring an item for Tinkletoes at the end of your journey? It seems he has a new...toy waiting for him.” TP says.

“Whoa now. Let's just back this up for a second. It's not a toy. This is a collectible. Anlace over at the lightsaber booth is saving it for me. We started working on this at last year's con.”

Everyone stares at Tinkletoes in disbelief.

“I designed my own emblem for it, see?” Tinkletoes holds up a torn slip of paper. Mom and Dobby cross the room to study the picture.

“TiTys Saber?” Mom asks.

“Sexy huh? I'm gonna pick up a lot of chicks with this. Anlace even created my own unique color for the saber, the part that glows? See?”

“That looks like...” Mom says.

“Gangrene,” Dobby lets out a tired sigh.

“Except for the yellow part which reminds me of...” Mom says.

“Baby poop.”

“Sexy...” Tinkletoes says.

“Yep. There is nothing sexier than baby poop. Especially when you're the one holding it. Good choice bro.” Dobby offers up a low five to the mercenary.

“TP, since this is a quest are you going with me? You are a magical being after all.” Mom asks.

“No, my dear Writer Lady you need another kind of magic entirely for this quest. I am sending the Lady with the Long Golden Hair on this quest with you.”

“Bridget? I don't know. She might be busy or something.”

“Merlin says she is not busy anymore. She has a role to play in this quest as well. Her job is to meet with the Master of Inks. She must procure her own signature, among other things.”

*********

“What was I thinking?” Mom looks at the Lady with the Long Golden Hair. They are on the second leg of their flight to the Land of the Rising Bird. They arrived late and had the unexpected bad news that they might arrive too late for their connecting flight. The two travel newbies just made it to the plane. Mom is trying to keep from hyperventilating. The Lady with the Long Golden Hair is not talking, airports are no fun at all.

“Next time, I want a Travel Buddy. All the newbies should get a free Travel Buddy, someone to help with everything. Especially the schlepping of the bags.”  Mom says.

The Lady with the Long Golden Hair says, “I can help with that.” She pulls out a card that says, '1-800- Sugar Daddy We don't schlep bags but we can pay someone who does.'

Mom takes the card, looks at it and hands it back to the Lady with the Long Golden Hair saying, “No thanks. There's no telling what I would end up with. I would prefer to say 'Hello' first.”

The Lady with the Long Golden Hair holds up a different card '1-800- Single Man. I Have A Job, Seriously. Give me a call. Say “Hello”. '

Mom shakes her head. “I think I'll schlep my own bags today. But thanks anyway.”  Schlep she did. 

The Lady with the Long Golden Hair, did not schlep for she had a way about her that men like. After their bags were securely placed in a limousine that cost no more than a cab ride she asked the Lady with the Long Golden Hair how she does it. “What? How do I do what?”

“You look at these men, smile and they trip all over themselves to do stuff for you.”

“I really don't know what you're talking about.” The Lady with the Long Golden Hair rolled her eyes. “Some people just get lonely sometimes, helping someone else helps them forget their loneliness,” the Lady with the Long Golden Hair says rationalizing the attention she receives.

“Are you lonely, my lady?” The limo driver stops at the arm of the Lady with the Long Golden Hair's seat. The Lady with the Long Golden Hair shakes her head, the driver continues on his way to his seat at the front of the car, crestfallen.