Stuck In The Closet

 

Dobby turns around and is nose to shin with Monitor Man. “TP I'm going to see Mom. I'll keep her out of this part of the house.” Dobby looks up at Monitor Man. “Stay Here. No checking Mom out, you're not staying.”

Monitor Man waits until Dobby exits the utility closet and slides open the closet door enough to get a look at Writer Lady. He watches her cross to Dobby's bowls and feed him.

“There you are kitty. I was worried about you. How's my best guy?” Writer Lady starts to reach down and pet Dobby.

His tail twitches briefly, “Come on Mom. I'm eating.”

“I'm sorry. You're so handsome I forget the rules sometimes.” Writer Lady apologizes.

“You forget every day, Mom. You might be getting old timers.” Dobby says between bites.

“Sweetie you mean Alzheimer's.”

Monitor Man watches and listens. “She talks to the cat like it's a person. He answers back. They understand each other. She is pretty though. I don't know if I can get past the talking to the cat thing.”

TP spins around, changing into his Clarence Darrow costume complete with comb over. The faerie clears his throat, “May I remind you sir, that you have also been conversing with the cat. You also spent four hours in an invisible helicopter with a faerie, a magical creature that isn't supposed to exist? You also talked the whole time.”

“I was nervous riding in an invisible helicopter. I was making conversation, keeping my mind off of what was happening around me.” Monitor Man answers.

“You invited me to your place for your annual New Year's Eve blow out and thanked me profusely for befriending you. You said quote, 'You, TP are the coolest, most interesting friend I have. I love you man.'”

“I say 'I love you' like other people say 'Hello'. It meant nothing.”

“You also asked me if I wanted to be 'Bros'. When I questioned the meaning of bros you asked me if I was interested in starting a(TP coughs) bromance. I thought you liked women?”

“I do. I love women. You still don't get what I mean by bromance.” Monitor Man answers.

“Be aware, sir that your hands are not clean in this. If our dear sweet Writer Lady is crazy then so are you. At least she doesn't get kinky.” TP says.

“I wasn't getting kinky with you.”

“How do I know you weren't getting kinky with me?” TP asks.

“I was too busy checking out her butt.” Monitor Man answers gesturing towards the room Writer Lady is in.

“So...(TP coughs) you admit that you intend to get kinky with our dear, sweet Writer Lady.”

Monitor Man pales, TP has backed him into a corner. Using the skills he developed after years in the public eye he quietly answers, “No Comment.” The closet grows quiet. Neither TP nor Monitor Man know what to say next. Monitor Man crosses the room to stand close to TP, and makes an appeal, “If anyone had ever told me someday I would meet a real magical creature...”

“Being...magical being.” TP corrects.

“magical being. I would have said 'No way' faeries,they aren't real. Then I met you. You brought me here. I am here in the middle of...”

“Illinois”

“Right Illinoise.”

“It's Illinoi.  The "s" is silent."  TP says correcting Monitor Man.

“Okay, in Illinoi. I am away from everything I know. The city, the crowds, the press. It's very nice. But I'm also hiding in a utility closet. There is a sweet, lovely woman just outside this door. I can't even talk to her. Do you know how long it's been since I've had a quiet conversation with a nice woman in a private setting? TP. You found me, befriended me and brought me all the way out here to meet her. Please let me meet her.”

“Dobby says “No”. She can't keep you.”

“Of course she can't keep me. I have a life, far away from here. Besides kept men are really boring. I know a few. Models mostly.”

“So what will happen if I introduce you to her?”

“I would say “hello” and talk to her. That's it.”

“How do I know you won't come on to her too?”

“I told you, I wasn't coming on to you!”

“But you said you loved me!” TP wails.

“TP what did I tell you about watching television? Keep the volume down.” Writer Lady says entering the utility closet, smiling. “I don't know what you're doing in this utility closet watching TV anyway.” 

Writer Lady sees him.

“Hi.” Monitor Man says.

Writer Lady stands there. Frozen.