It's Just Not Right

                                                  

“Oh dear me. Whatever is wrong with this tree?” Writer Lady exclaims looking at the Christmas Tree.

“You've been playing with the picture books again Mom, haven't you?” Dobby asks as he enters the living room. Writer Lady is standing across the room from her work scrutinizing.

“Well sweet kitty, Dylan needed to hear a story. There was nothing else for it.” She answers.

Dobby looks over at the young boy and the baby dragon sitting on the couch. There is a large stack of picture books piled up where Writer Lady had been sitting.

“They did help with the decorations. Where's your Christmas spirit?” Writer Lady looks at the ginger tabby smiling.

“For it and spirit? The effects are wearing off, at least. Where did I put that?” Dobby asks, pretending to look around. He pulls an empty box out of his pocket and opens it. “Sorry Mom, all gone, the box is completely empty. No Christmas Spirit.”

“Let me see that.” Writer Lady says, reaching to take the box from Dobby. Looking at the lid, it reads, Christmas Spirit The Hap Hap Happiest Catnip Ever. If this catnip can't make you happy, there's no hope. “Dobby. I'm disappointed in you. You act like life is all about you. Getting things.”

Dobby's eyes swell and fill with tears. “I can't believe it. After all of this time. You're finally getting it. I'm so proud of you Mom.”

“It's not all about you. Right now it's about this Christmas tree. Something about it doesn't look right. I can't tell you what the problem is. Tell me kitty, what do you see?”

“I don't see anything. Maybe if you turned on the lights.” Dobby suggests.

“The lights are on.” Writer Lady says.

Everyone exchanges glances, then looks back at the tree.

“Okay.” Writer Lady says. “We know what the problem is. That's good. It needs more lights. Let's get the ornaments off of it.”

Furnatche and Dylan get up off of the couch to help remove ornaments.

“Wait.” Dobby says.

“For what?” Writer Lady asks.

“Isn't there an easier way to do this?” Dobby asks.

“Let me see...” Writer Lady says putting her hand to her temple and concentrating. “No, there isn't.”

“You didn't even try to find a new way to do this.” Dobby says.

“That's because I know. I have learned this lesson already. There is no shortcut when adding more lights to the Christmas tree.”

“Did you ever have me before? Or Tinkletoes, Furnatche or TP?” Dobby asks.

“No.”

“Then you can't be sure there isn't a short cut.”

“Yes I can.” Writer Lady argues.

“No you can't.” Dobby counters. Walking to the far corner of the living room. Dobby picks up the Big Red Flashlight and shines it out the window. He turns it on. A bright message lights up the sky. It says: USTINK.

“What are you doing?” Writer Lady asks.

“Calling for the rest of my technical team. We are like those science guys. We are going to prove that you can light up a Christmas tree without taking off the ornaments.”

“You are going to disprove a fact with a team of guys who respond to a light up sign in the night sky?”

“They rock. You know like Batman.” Dobby points out.

“According to that sign they just stink.” Writer Lady says.

“No they don't.”

“Yes, they do.” Writer Lady argues.

“No Mom they don't.”

“That's what the sign says. I'm standing right here reading the sign.”

“That's not what is it says. It says: U Silly Tink.”

“This is signal is for Tinkletoes?” Writer Lady asks.“So what's with the signal? Why not do something simple like make his lightsabers glow at random intervals, send a message on his TV screen or put faerie dust in all of his underwear and make it set his butt on fire when you want Tinkletoes' attention. Something that would get his attention. You know something that works.”

“Mom you underestimate Tinkletoes.” Dobby says shaking his head.

“Really? He spends long evenings looking up into the darkness and pondering deep thoughts?”

“No but he spends many nights monitoring the night sky for UFOs. To keep us safe from all the Aliens.”

“Okay. One question. Does he buy the aluminum foil for his hats retail or does he get whole sale prices?”

“It's me. I always get my foil whole sale.” Tinkletoes answers walking in the living room.

At that moment, a flaming arrow flies past the picture window landing in the snow at the far edge of the yard and extinguishes itself. @#$%. A muffled cursing is heard from Writer Lady's driveway.

“Just a sec.” Tinkletoes says opening the front door and yelling “It's okay Carp. I'm here already.”

Turning around and coming back in the house with TP fluttering at his shoulder Tinkletoes closes the door behind him sheltering the living room from the cold. “That was Carp. I asked him to signal I was on my way. I got here first.”

“He isn't part of your “technical team?” Writer Lady asks.

“No. He is still fine tuning his core skills. No time for anything else right now.”

“Ooh. A specialist. In what?” Writer Lady asks, imitating a young girl ready to dish on some gossip.

“Undetectable Assassination Implementation.” Tinkletoes answers.

“That guy's a sniper?” Writer Lady asks.

“No. A bow and arrow are his preferred weapon. He is a Silent Killer. He will be anyway.” Tinkletoes answers looking at Writer Lady markedly. “What's the problem? I'm supposed to be on duty.”

“Look at the tree my friend and you will understand.” TP says.

“Yes. Of course. It needs more lights.”

“Mom says we can't light this tree up more without taking off the ornaments first.” Dobby says.

“That's because you can't. Everyone knows that you can't.” Writer Lady argues.

“Has she been like this long?” TP asks.

“All day.” Dobby answers.

Squatting down, Tinkletoes whispers in Dobby's ear. “It's a girl thing. Get her out of here and we'll fix it.”

Dobby nods at Tinkletoes who stands up and quietly stares down the tree.

“You look tired Mom.   I have an idea.  Why don't you send Peter in? You, Paige and Aunt Purdy sit at the computer and look at girly stuff. Let us men handle this.” Dobby says.

Writer Lady's face reddens slightly. She stifles a laugh, almost rolls her eyes into the back of her head biting her tongue. “Okay, kitty” she says heading into High Command. Giggling can be heard from the room and whispering lots of whispering.

“What's all that giggling about?” Peter asks entering the living room.

“Giggling it's a girl thing. It means nothing.” Tinkletoes says. “Come on over here kid. Let me teach you something.” All of the males in the house are standing in front of the Christmas tree in a half circle. Dobby, TP, Dylan, Furnatche, Tinkletoes and Peter.

“So what's all this about?” Peter asks.

“This tree needs more lights.” Dobby announces.

“Great so let's take off the ornaments...” Peter says, reaching out for an ornament that is hanging nearby.

“No. There's another way to do this.” Dobby says.

“We will add more lights.” TP adds.

“Without moving a single ornament.” Tinkletoes finishes. “Like a man would.”

Furnatche whimpers slightly looking up at Dylan. Dylan looks down and shakes his head to reassure the baby dragon that this mission should not be dangerous.

“How are you going to add the lights?” Dylan asks.

“I don't know...”

“Hell if I know.”

“We're screwed,” came out all at the same time.

“Sometimes when we have a problem that seems overwhelming Aunt Purdy” Peter offers.

“No don' go there.”

“I don't want to hear it.”

“Females are the enemy,” comes out this time.

“But Aunt Purdy!” Dylan exclaims.

“No Girls!” Tinkletoes stresses irately.