The Men Are On A Mission

Dylan's face grows red. Peter moves in between Tinkletoes and Dylan.

“What my brother was trying to say is let's each of us come up with a solution. Put them in a hat pull them out and decide what will work the best.” Peter says.

“No. No. That takes too long. Let's say what we think. Try it or decide not to. If it doesn't work go on to the next one.” Tinkletoes counters. “Besides. I brought my bag. I'm sure we can fix this in no time.”

“With a flamethrower?” Peter asks.

“Not the flamethrower, that would just burn the whole tree down. I don't have just the flamethrower in here. We'll find something else.” Tinkletoes reaches into the bag and pulls out a grenade. Holding it up he says, “How about this?”

No one answers.

“Okay no grenades.” Tinkletoes says, rifling through his bag.

“Sir?   Do you have anything that's um...not combustible?” Peter asks.

“Flare guns don't count, do they?”

Peter shakes his head.

“I didn't think so.” Tinkletoes says pulling MREs out of the bag. “TP can you make a crumbled MRE glow in the dark?” The faerie shakes his head. “Matches don't help either. Okay that's it. I've got nothing.”

“What if we just turned the lights up? Made it brighter?” Peter asks. “Of course. Turn up the lights.” TP says going through a series of elaborate steps including slowly turning around.

“You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around.” Dylan starts to sing and dance.  “That's what it's all about!” Dylan  finishes the song.

“What's with the dance?” Tinkletoes asks TP. It never takes you so long to do anything.

“The Hokey Pokey is my favorite—silly.” TP giggles.

With that, the lights turn themselves up, a lot.

“Wow.” Dylan says.

“That didn't help much at all.” Tinkletoes says.

“The dark spots are so...”

“obvious.” Dylan finishes.

“Wait a minute, you're four. How do you know how to use that word?” Tinkletoes asks.

“Paige!” Dylan answers with an eye roll.

“Dylan's right, our sister is smarter than most kids.” Peter answers.

Tinkletoes makes his way over to TP. “These kids just don't listen. I said no girls.”

TP mutters.

“So, TP.   Turn down the lights.” TP makes a sweeping motion with his butt. The lights go back to normal.

“What's next?” Tinkletoes asks. There is an eerie silence in the living room. After a moment, Tinkletoes feels something tugging at the leg of his pants. The mercenary looks down to see Dylan and Furnatche in front of him.

“Did you know my dragon pees?” Dylan asks.

“We all do kid.”

“My dragon has special pee.  It glows.  He has to go right now too.” Dylan says.

“Is it bright?” Tinkletoes asks.

“You can read by it.” Peter answers.

Tinkletoes studies the older boy for a minute. “I'm not going to ask how you know that. Let's give it a shot. Don't let this dragon pee until I tell you. Understand?” Tinkletoes says looking down at Dylan. The tow headed boy and the baby dragon both nod. “Peter you come with me.” Tinkletoes and Peter head into the kitchen to find an appropriate receptacle. Tinkletoes is opening cabinets and peering inside. “She uses that, that too. She'd notice this one missing.” Peter walks over to a cabinet at the opposite end of the room and pulls a stainless steel bowl off of the bottom shelf. “Use this one. Writer Lady only touches these to move them out of her way when she is looking for something else.”

“She won't notice something missing?” Tinkletoes asks.

“How many bowls are there?” Peter asks.

“Three.”

“There used to be eight. She won't notice.”

Tinkletoes and Peter make it back into the living room as Furnatche is whimpering in discomfort.

“Here you go kid. Furnatche can fill this up.” Tinkletoes says handing the bowl to Dylan.

“Make sure he only pees in the bowl, Dylan. If he pees anywhere else it could be like last time.” Peter instructs his younger brother.

“What happened last time?” Tinkletoes asks.

“Silly human. Asks silly questions.” TP giggles.

Everyone watches as Furnatche lines himself up to the metal bowl. Whizzing commences.

“What a way to spend a Saturday night, watching a baby dragon pee.” Tinkletoes says, waiting for everyone to agree. As the bowl fills up and the magical energy accumulates the room begins to glow. “It's glowing.” Tinkletoes says, studying the urine. “Is it sparkling too?”

“Yup. 'Glow and sparkles. Sparkles and glow. Dragons have been peeing and that's how we know'. We had training rhymes about dragons when I was little.” TP says.

Furnatche finishes his business and everyone studies their loaded weapon.

“I think if we set this under the tree the glow will bounce off of the lit bulbs and the glass ornaments. Let's see if it works.” Tinkletoes says.

Peter picks up the bowl gently setting it under the Christmas tree. The glow from the urine illuminates everything. The tree looks amazing.

“Gentlemen. Mission Accomplished.” Tinkletoes says looking around the room at the rest of the technical team. TP is gracious. Peter smiling. Dylan and Furnatche excited to have helped. Dobby is bored and scratching at something. “This was a mission for men, as men we were successful!”

Dobby is still scratching. He is shedding fur. One tiny strand, floats across the room landing in the bowl of dragon urine. Tinkletoes takes a deep breath in to make his final proclamation and leave the house a conquering hero when the previously invisible scent of dragon urine hits him full force.