Into The Fire

Knock, knock, knock!

Carp opens the bedroom door to find three pixies standing on the other side of it.

“Hi.”   Pixie One says.

“We wanted to stop by and say 'Hello'.”   Pixie Two says.

“Hello.”  Carp says and begins to shut the bedroom door.

“What are you doing?”  Writer Lady asks.

“Saying 'good-bye' to the snoops.”  Carp says as he closes the door the rest of the way.

“That isn't very polite.”  Writer Lady says.

“What they're here for isn't very polite either.”   He counters.

“Open the door Carp.”

“You're going to feel like you've been run over when they leave.   You'll never be sure which bus hit you.”

“How do you know?”  Writer Lady asks.

“They're pixies, they hang out with TP, they are part of the faerie press and they're females.  Hel-lo.”

Writer Lady crosses her arms and waits.

“If you're determined to be raked over those magical coals...well don't say I didn't warn you.”

“Open the door.”  Writer Lady says.

Carp opens the door.  “Ooops.  Sorry.  The door just slipped.”

All three pixies glare at him.  They cross the threshold into Writer Lady's bedroom and begin floating up stopping when they are eye level with Writer Lady.

“Hello.”   Writer Lady says.

“Hello.”   The three pixies answer in unison.

“The door shutting in your faces really was an accident.”  Carp says.

Pixie One turns to look at Carp.  She 'Hmms...' with indignation and turns back to Writer Lady.  “As I was saying.  We came to say 'Hello'.”

Pixie Two and Three chime in.  “Hello!”  Smiling enthusiastically.

“Hello”  Writer Lady repeats laughing a little.

“We would like to get to know the woman that has stolen Monitor Man's heart.  He is one of our most favorite humans.”

“I wouldn't say that I've stolen his heart.”

“You definitely have his interest.”  Pixie One says.

“How long have you had his interest?”  Pixie Two asks.

Writer Lady looks at Carp who mouths the words, “Told you.”

“My goodness that is a specific question.   A very specific question.”  She thinks for a moment, then says,  “I had no idea that Monitor Man had any interest in me whatsoever.”

“Really?”  Pixie One asks.

“I have not seen him since The Ninja Zombie War.”

Pixies One, Two and Three all take out recording devices and put them in Writer Lady's face.

“You haven't?”  Pixie One asks.

“I have not.”  Writer Lady repeats.

“You do not know of his break-up with Incredibly Hot Woman?  Are you not aware that he has been dating one woman after another never to settle in with any other starlet?   It is most unusual behavior.”   Pixie One says looking at Writer Lady accusingly.

“I'm sorry he's having a tough time?”  Writer Lady offers.

“I...we have been reporting since the early days of Hollywood.  We see patterns of behavior.  We know that Monitor Man flits from woman to woman like this when he's trying to throw us off.” Pixie One says.

“He's hiding something.”  Pixie Two adds.

“We think it's you.”  Pixie Three finishes.

“Is it?”  Pixie Two asks.

“You?”  Pixie Three continues.

“Me?”  Monitor Man asks.  “No.  This budget is the work of Tinkletoes.  As you can see he worked really hard on it.”  He says looking at the display behind him.

Tinkletoes' Budget

$2,000.00/mnth Cupcakes

$500,000.00/mnth Guns, Knives and Ammo

Two Million/mnth Lightsaber Research and Development

Twenty Million/mnth Space Alien Defense

Twenty Million/mnth Zombie Apocalypse Prevention

I will need $42,522,000/mnth not including Room, Board, Medical, Dental, Living Expenses and Walking Around Money.

The pixie press begins protesting the moment Monitor Man stops talking. Tinkletoes enters the kitchen, walking past the crowd of pixies and joining him at the podium.

“How's it going?”  Tinkletoes whispers, smiling for the crowd.

“Not good.   Not good at all.”   Monitor Man says.

“Did you mention that the $2,000/month was for the really fancy cupcakes?” Tinkletoes asks.

“Yes.  They still don't like the budget.”

“Do they know how fancy the cupcakes are?”  Tinkletoes asks.

“Yes.  I even told that you would share.”  Monitor Man says.

“That's the problem.  They know that I would never do that.”  He whispers.

“They keep shaking their heads and asking why Writer Lady isn't baking the cupcakes.”

“She won't have time.  She will be too busy following me around and calling me 'Commander'.”

Feeling a tug on his pant leg Tinkletoes looks down to find Dylan looking up at him.  Dylan crooks his finger and Tinkletoes squats down for more information.

“It's not about the $2,000 cupcake.   It's the forty million a month.”  Dylan says.

Tinkletoes looks up at Monitor Man who looks down and nods.

Tinkletoes stands up and glares at Monitor Man.

“Why didn't you tell me?”   Tinkletoes asks.

“I was working my way up the list.”  He says.

“It's okay.” Tinkletoes calls out to the crowd, taking his place in front of the microphone.  “The forty million a month does not go to just one thing.   Twenty million is for Space Alien Defense and twenty goes to Zombie Apocalypse Prevention.”

The crowd starts booing.

“This is ridiculous.”  One pixie calls out.

“Who's paying for this?”  Another pixie calls.

“Humans, all they do is spend, spend, spend.”

“You humans are all alike.”  A pixie in the front row says.   “You're afraid of anything that is a little bit different.”

Tinkletoes looks at Monitor Man, then looks back at the crowd.  “Afraid?  No we aren't afraid.  As a human, I'll explain it to you.  We are not afraid.   We just like to kill things before they have the chance to kill us.  We are protecting ourselves and all of you.  That money will see to it that no zombies or space aliens get the opportunity to wipe us out.”

“Like you protected yourself from those innocent Ninja Zombies?”  A pixie calls.

The booing grows louder.

Tinkletoes turns his head towards Monitor Man and whispers, “Now is the time, when the chips are down that we do what all great politicians do.”

“What is that?”

“Declare the party over.”  Tinkletoes whispers.

“So?”  Pixie Three asks.

“Is it?”  Pixie One continues.

Writer Lady looks to Carp for direction.

He mouths the question, “Having fun?”

“He is not hiding me.  I have been here the whole time.  Until recently I thought that Monitor Man found me as interesting as his annual prostate exam.”

“No, no, no...”  Pixie Two giggles.

“He hates those.”  Pixie Three says.  “Do you remember the time Monitor Man had the flu?”

“When he had the really high fever?”  Pixie Two nods.  “He kept saying, 'No Doc, don't ask me to bend over.  I don't want to bend over.' ”

Pixie One starts giggling as well until she sees Writer Lady smiling.  The pixie retreats back to her serious stance and says.  “Are you saying that you didn't know about this?”  Pixie One rewinds her recorder and presses play.

“So Monitor Man what kind of woman has caught your eye?  She must be something to draw your attention from Incredibly Hot Woman.  Which rising starlet is it?   Give us a hint.”  The interviewer asks.

“I won't give you any names.   I want to respect her privacy.  Besides, I don't even know if she would like a guy like me.”  Monitor Man grins.  “I will tell you this she's bright, funny and independent.  Oh and kind of spunky.”

Writer Lady pales and looks at Carp.

“Told you.”   He says.

The bedroom door bursts open.

“Okay, that's it.  The party's over!”   Tinkletoes calls out.  “It's time for you ladies to go.”   He says looking at the pixies.

Kissing and Telling

Tinkletoes reaches out and grasps Monitor Man's shoulder.  “They can see in the dark.”

TP disappears quickly.

“Fantastic.”   Tinkletoes whispers in Monitor Man's ear.

Monitor Man tenses in preparation for the coming altercation.  “Um...yeah.”

“They are gonna make great secret service officers.  They love you so much, we shouldn't have any trouble recruiting a few of them.  We're still running mates, aren't we?”

Monitor Man coughs briefly.   “Yeah.”

“I thought we could get together here when we need to go over stuff.”  Tinkletoes says.

Monitor Man feels a tug on his pant leg and looks down to find Dobby looking up at him and shaking his head 'No.'

“You like Writer Lady okay, don't you?”  Tinkletoes asks.

“Yeah.”  Monitor Man says.

“Good.”  Tinkletoes says patting Monitor Man on the back.  “I'll make sure to tell her that you're sleeping in her bed tonight.”

“What?”  Writer Lady asks.

“I said, 'That doesn't count.'”   Carp responds.  “I heard your thoughts!  That kiss was waaaay hotter than 'his breathe was minty and sweet'.”

“It's the truth.”  Writer Lady says.  “Besides, less is more.”  She adds weakly.

“In your case less is useless.  You need to amp up your descriptions because no one is going to read that novel honey.”

“Okay.   Fine.  You read my thoughts.  You're a writer.  How would you tell it?”

Carp looks at Writer Lady studying her expression.  “His lips were surprisingly soft even though his skin was rough against my cheek.”

Writer Lady shakes her head.  “He was clean shaven.   I think his aftershave is what smelled so good.”

The would-be assassin takes out a notebook and starts writing as he narrates.  “His lips were as soft as his freshly shaved cheek and the scent of his aftershave still lingered on his skin; it was as intoxicating as he was.  He held me close, engulfing me.  I could feel the solidness of his arm muscles flexing under his sleeves.  My suitor was having trouble curbing his wanton desires.”  Carp looks at Writer Lady who is looking at him with disapproval.

“It wasn't like that.”  She says.   “He kind of...drew me in.  He drew me in to a special place and we were the only two people there.   It was warm and I felt...safe.”

“Are you ready for the big finish?”   Carp asks.

Writer Lady nods unenthusiastically.

“I could hear him growl low in the back of his throat, he quickly and expertly pinned me against the nearest wall.  I could feel nothing except his...”

Writer Lady mouths the word, “children”.

Carp sighs briefly, “...passion.  A passion so strong that I could barely stand up.”

“I don't know where you get that.   None of that last bit happened.”  Writer Lady hesitates for a moment deciding how much to share.  “I did lose my balance...a little.”

“That is one hot man.”  Carp says.   “Who could blame you?”

“I don't think I had lunch today.   That had to have been what made me dizzy.”

“Not the hot man holding you in his arms and... ?”  Carp asks, he grabs a bed pillow and begins demonstrating.

“Do you ever think about what it would mean if a child were to read your writing?”  Writer Lady asks, changing the subject.

“It means that I just saved Mommy and Daddy one of those special talks.”

THUMP!

Carp reaches out and opens the bedroom door.  Taking advantage of the opportunity, Tinkletoes sticks his head inside.  “Hi.  I just wanted to take a minute to let you know that Monitor Man is sleeping in your bed tonight.”

Carp looks at Writer Lady and grins.

“What do you mean?”  She asks.

“Since we're in the early stages of this campaign he needs to stick around.  The guy's gotta sleep.”

“Where am I going to sleep?”  Writer Lady asks.

Tinkletoes looks at the bed.  “That's a good size bed.   I'm sure y'all won't be fightin' each other for space.  Besides when people are sleeping they don't move around a lot.  What else is a bed for?”  Tinkletoes turns his head away listening to the sounds coming from the kitchen.  “I've got to go.  I left Monitor Man alone in there talking about budgety stuff.   There's never much to say about that.” Tinkletoes closes the door leaving Carp and Writer Lady alone again.

“When the wall falls on Tinkletoes there won't be anything left.   Not even a boot."  Carp says looking at the closed door.

When The Magic Becomes Real -- Not An SNS Story

 I have a confession to make.   I can be cynical about love.   I don't mean quietly rolling your eyes when someone posts a picture of them with their third “true love” this year on Facebook.   I mean cynical.   Saying “Not Again!” as loudly as possible, heckling romantic movies, blaring “Love Stinks” throughout the house, watching as little television as possible between the months of November and February cynical.  On a really bad day I have an urge to put something through the television.  Of course, that was years ago.  I must be mellowing in some ways.  
     The truth is that I am cynical at times because I believe in love.  Intensely.
     I can hear your “Whaaaat?” from here. 
     It doesn't make much sense does it?
     George Carlin said that “Inside every cynical person is a disappointed idealist.”   Bearing that in mind,  I must really love...love.  I do. 
     We talk about it, write about it,  sing songs about it, and make movies about it.  People that can't even understand each other due to language barriers agree that love is a wonderful thing.  Love is universal.   It's also amazing, unpredictable and life affirming.  When two people are right for each other it is quite simply, stunning.  It also makes the world a more beautiful place for the rest of us.
     This cynic has another confession.   I love fairy tales too. 
     “Omg, you're one of those women aren't you?”  Yes, I heard that.   I know what you're thinking.  When my cynic is in charge I say those things too.   “She's always dreaming of a man.  Some women just can't be without a man.  She'd be happier if she would just relax and stop looking for a man.”   I have heard other women say things like, “I thought things would be different.  I thought that he was going to take care of me.” I also thought to myself,  What planet is she from?  I think I want to live there.    I have listened to the arguments against fairy tales and the ridiculous expectations they create.  I have at times agreed with them.  Those arguments, you know the ones, that suggest that women grow up with unrealistic expectations of what love is and what their lives will look like after they have found it. Mentally, I blamed the fairy tales for these views of romantic love.
    Now for my point.  Yes Mom.  I have one.  I think.  No there might be like, three or something. 
    Lately, I have been believing in impossible things.  I know what you're thinking, “She's changing the subject.  Why is she changing the subject?”  Be patient with me.  I know that my road meanders a bit but trust me, I'll get you there.   While believing in impossible things you realize how much of life is full of possibility.  (See Six Impossible Things on Wattpad).  Today my impossible thing was:  Today Magic Will Become Real.
   My impossible thing from yesterday came true.  Today I will embark on a new journey.  All details are worked out for me. My only requirement is to step out the front door.  Late in the afternoon I went for a walk.   I embarked on a journey and clearly the details were taken care of.  It's not the vision I had but...it still happened.
   This morning while I was in the shower, showers are good places for thinking just so you know,  I was thinking about today's impossible thing.  I wondered when does magic become real?  My answer:  When two people have that brief fairy tale moment, looking into each other's eyes and falling in love.  That is when magic becomes real.  See I told you I'd get there.
    That is truly the magic of fairy tales and why it is good to love them.  The handsome princes, the fair maidens, the fire breathing dragons, the kingdoms far, far away, even the vague “They lived happily ever after” which I would be happy to explore with you down the road, shit...back to my point.  They are the window dressings.  The reason we take part and read, listen to or watch the story is for that one moment, when the magic becomes real.