Taking The Long Way Around

“The line has been discontinued, if the mug gets broken it can't be replaced.” Writer Lady argues.

TP disappears, reappearing next to Writer Lady.   “It's a four dollar mug.   It's not the Holy Grail.”  The faerie says giggling.

“You should hear what she says to it when she thinks she's alone in the kitchen.” Tinkletoes says.

“It's a cup.”  The faerie says.

“It's precious to her.”  Dylan says,  “My cup. My cup!”  The tow headed boy coughs.

“We need to get back to what's important.”  Tinkletoes says.  “Making War and Presidential me making it.”

“Presidents don't go to war, Silly Human.”  TP says.

“Yes, they do.”  Tinkletoes argues.

“Historically,”   Paige counters, rising from her spot next to her brothers,  “they don't.”

“They do now.”  Tinkletoes says grinning.  “I have guns, knives, ammo, semi-automatics, crates full of grenades.   When I'm President of the United States I am going to make all the war I want.”

Paige shakes her head.  “It's against the rules.”   She says.

“I'll change the stupid rules.  That's what being President is all about, changing the country around to suit you.”

Paige continues shaking her head.  “If you want to be President then you can't keep playing with grenades.”  She says.

“No grenades?”   The color slowly drains from Tinkletoes' face.  “At all?”

She shakes her head.

“Not even on holidays or special occasions?”

More head shaking.

“What about when nobody's lookin'?”   He asks.

More head shaking.

“What about President's Day?”

Paige confirms that he cannot do those things even on President's Day.

“When it's President's Day and I'm President?”  Tinkletoes counters.  “What fun is there in being President if I can't go make war with my grenades?”

“Sir?”  Peter says.  “Dylan and I have been learning about some of the things that the President of the United States can do because we want to help when you're elected.”

Tinkletoes nods at Peter and looks at Dylan.   Paige sits back down as Peter urges his little brother to stand up.   Once Dylan has stood up the room grows quiet and stays quiet.

“What's so great about being President if I can't use my grenades?”  Tinkletoes asks.

“You can pardon people.”  He says.

Tinkletoes makes a face.  “Show me.”  He says.

Ray and TP demonstrate.  Ray begins walking across the room and TP flies into him.

“Pardon me.”  TP says giggling.

“Pardon me.”  Ray says.

“It was my fault Mr. President.  Pardon me.”  TP says.

“It's okay.  You're free to go man.”   Ray says.

“Thank you.”  TP says.

“Duuuude.”

TP and Ray return to their seats.

Tinkletoes shakes his head.   “That's not better than grenades.  What else can the President do?”

“He makes appointments.”  Dylan says.

“That's what mothers are for.  Next.”

“It's not that kind of appointment.”  Monitor Man says.

“The President has the power to fill key positions within the Federal government including his Cabinet.”  Paige explains.

“Huh?”  Tinkletoes asks.

“You get to decide who works where.”

“That sounds more like it.  Let's fire Congress first.”  He says.

“You can't.  They are elected the same as you are.”  Monitor Man explains.

“I'll pick out their supervisor.   TP you can be a real hard ass.”

“I can.”  The faerie responds.

“He can.”  Dylan pipes in.

“Our last Halo tournament was brutal.”  Tinkletoes says looking at Monitor Man.

Writer Lady shakes her head and quietly sips her coffee.

“It was.”  Carp adds.  “Limited rations, water was the only beverage, scheduled bathroom breaks.”

“I had the stomach flu.”   Ray says.

“You toughed it out.”   Dylan says.  “Cause 'War is Hell'.”

“War is Hell.”  Ray says.  “Duuuude.”  He reaches over Peter's head to high five Dylan.

“I was a character in one of the Halo games.”   Monitor Man says. 

Everyone looks at Monitor Man, studying him. 

“I remember you!”  Dylan says.  “I love being you!”

Monitor Man smiles.

Tinkletoes looks at Monitor Man, then at Dylan, then back at Monitor Man. “You're that guy.”  He says.  “Good Soldier.   Good Man.”

“I remember that contest.”  Diomedes says looking at Writer Lady.   “Most riveting.  Bugsy and I are now learning how to participate.  The ways that you humans fight is completely different than the ways of magical beings...”

Tinkletoes clears his throat.

“Most riveting.”  Diomedes says finishing his thought.

“I still don't know if being President is going to be more fun than my grenades.”

“You'll be in charge of the armed forces.” House's voice sings.

“All of 'em?”   Tinkletoes asks.

“All of them.”  She responds.

“You could play with their grenades instead of yours.”   Dylan says.

Tinkletoes stands in front of the group not speaking, the wheels in his head turning, a twinkle appearing in his eyes.  He looks at Monitor Man and says.  “We could play a game of Halo.  A real one.”  Tinkletoes looks at Monitor Man, “Not a real, real one.  Not all of the technology exists yet.  It will when I get done.”

“How is this important?”   Writer Lady asks.

“I can prove to the American people that I can keep them safe and kill all the aliens.”  Tinkletoes announces proudly.

“Context...remember what we talked about.”  Monitor Man whispers.

Tinkletoes clears his throat.   “I can prove to the American people that I can keep them safe and kill all the Space Aliens.”

TP snaps his fingers, the television disappears, and a large dry-erase board appears behind Tinkletoes.

“Space Aliens are at the top of my list of concerns when it comes to the current state of this country.”   Ray says looking at Dylan.

The little boy nods in agreement.

“That and the pending re-collapse of our economy.  It's totally coming.”

Tinkletoes overhears and looks at Ray.  “Ray.  Destruction of all space aliens.” He says.

“You're right.  We should stay with the important stuff.”   He agrees.

A couple of coughs are heard coming from the direction of the couch.

“Speaking of important subjects...”  Writer Lady says.  “...Monitor Man has something to say.”

“I did bribe you with coffee so you would get up didn't I?”  He says smiling.

“You kind of did.”  Writer Lady smiles back.

“Good coffee?”

“Good coffee.”

Tinkletoes looks around the room, fidgeting, and waiting his turn.  He pulls the cap off of the marker, puts it back on, pulls it off the of the marker...

“Grown-ups...”   Dylan says.

“...can be so boring.”  Ray says, finishing the sentence

“I did come all of this way to talk to you about a war.  The Ninja Zombie War.”