The On-Ramp To Faerie

“Where's Writer Lady?”   Tinkletoes asks.

“You're not going?”  Dylan asks looking up at Tinkletoes.

“Now way man.”  Ray says.

“This is so typical.”  House groans.

“They're her cats.”  Tinkletoes says.

“Dobby's your friend.”  House points out.

“I'm going.”   Tinkletoes says.  “She should be there.”

“I think we should go.”  Carp says.

Tinkletoes looks at Carp.   “You just want to go so you can see stuff.”

“It is Faerie.”   Carp says.  “We have survival skills.”

“I have survival skills.”  Tinkletoes counters.   “You have camping skills.”

“Whatever.  Let's go.”

“And Writer Lady?”

“Everyone else can look for her while we're gone.”  Carp says looking around the room.  There are nods of agreement.

“I'm the cat.”  Ray says grinning.  “Dudes...she likes cats.”

Carp makes a confused face and thinks about making an effort to catch the train of thought as it travels through Ray's head.

“No.”   Tinkletoes says to Carp.  “Don't get on the Ray train, you'll blow a gasket.”

“Good point.”  Carp agrees.

The self-proclaimed mercenary turns his attention to House.  “Tell us more about this on ramp of yours.”

“What do you want to know?”

“This isn't Twenty Questions.”  Tinkletoes glares at House, then at Carp.   “Get the intell.”

“Let's start with the basics.  How do we get there?”   Carp asks.

“Really?   How do you think you get there, Mo-ron.”

“House, darling, not everyone knows how Faerie works.” Mural Man says. “Even if they do know about Faerie your story has not been added to Lore.”

“Fine.”   She sighs.  “TP made me a gatekeeper to the on-ramp he created.”

“So?”  Tinkletoes says.

“I can get you to the on ramp in whatever way I choose.  You can walk through the pantry, flush yourself down the toilet...”

“Or simply walk through a door that you enchanted...”  Carp suggests.

“Let's go.”   Tinkletoes says.

“I'll go get my gear and we'll be on our way.”

“I'm already packed.”   Tinkletoes says reaching for the front door knob.

“We need a tent, rations, a change of clothes...”

“No we don't.   Let's go.”

“We don't know how long we'll be gone.”

“Not long.”

Carp looks at Tinkletoes.

“We're picking up cats and finding Monitor Man.  It's easy.  Hike down the on-ramp, herd em' up, and move em' out.”

“You do realize that you are talking about herding cats.”   Carp points out.

“Go get your stuff.”   Tinkletoes says.  “We leave in five minutes.”

Spots follows Smudge into the darkened canopy of trees.   Both kittens are on full alert, eyes wide, ears perked, noses sniffing.  They stop a few feet inside to listen and get their bearings.  Smudge hears the rustling first.  Spots hears the second rustle and catches a glimpse of the lower edge of a shoe.

“Smudge.  Over here!”

“What?” Smudge Mal whispers.

“I saw him.”  Spots Wash responds.

“No you didn't.”

“Yes I did.”

“You couldn't have seen him.”

“Why not?”

“I'm lookin' at him.”

Spots makes his way through the mud to where his brother is crouched.

“Look closely.  You can just make out the target on Monitor Man's chest.”

“I saw a shoe.”  Spots says.

“What kind of a shoe?”

“I don't know.  A shoe.”  Spots Wash offers.

Smudge Mal looks at Spots Wash.  “What kind?”

There is more rustling coming from Monitor Man's direction, the two kittens watch as he moves further into the jungle.  Both get a good look at his feet.

“Monitor Man is wearing boots.”

“I didn't see boots before.”  Spots Wash says.

“This hunt just got more interesting lil brother.  Our target has a friend.”

Five minutes later, as promised, Tinkletoes stands in the middle of the bonus room, “What now?”  He asks.

“Stand in front of the window.”   House answers impatiently.

“Which window?”  Carp asks, he's wearing his fatigues and is loaded down with gear.

“The one to your left.”  Mural Man answers.

Carp turns right and faces the window.

“Your other left.”  House says.

Carp turns to face the window that Tinkletoes is already facing.

“Hurry up.”   Tinkletoes says.

“Remember.”   House says, slowly.  “I am opening the door not only to another place but another dimension.   If you wouldn't mind showing some patience.”

“I have patience.   This is a rescue mission.  Everything should already be in order.”   Tinkletoes points out.

“Look GI Joe, I'm in charge here.   Get over yourself.”

Tinkletoes' jaw clenches, an eyebrow goes up, and he starts the looking around the room for her mural.

Carp looks at Mural Man, “We'll be sure to do that.”  He says.  Facing the window, waiting, and muttering, “Come on.  Open.  Please.”

The floor moves in one sharp jolt.   Beginning at the lower left, a narrow stream of light is seen moving between the edge of the wall and the frame of the window. The stream of light outlines a large bridge.

“What's that sound?”   Carp asks.

“A zipper.  Opening the door is like opening a zipper for her.”  Tinkletoes says. He mutters, “Vain, self-important...”  The self-proclaimed mercenary looks for another word, not finding one he looks around the room and says, “woman.”

Stopping at the far end of the opening, the bridge lowers to the ground outside. Both men exit avoiding the window because windows cost money and Tinkletoes isn't paying for that.   Writer Lady's backyard disappears and as they take their first steps onto the on-ramp a meadow appears before them, thick with tall green grasses and wildflowers.

Carp thinks of something, he turns around, looks into the house, and calls, “How do we get back...home?”

“How you think you get back inside a building Doofus?  Knock on the door.” House answers with an exasperated sigh.

Tinkletoes shakes his head and keeps moving.  He looks around, paying close attention to the sky as well as the ground.   “Nothing unusual yet.  It's about noon.” He points out looking up at the sky.   Looking at Carp, he says, “We have plenty of time.”

Carp follows closely.  A quarter mile into the meadow both men hear what sounds like chains turning a drawbridge going up.

“Sound effects.”  Tinkletoes says.  “It's too late to fool us.  Women.”

Carp looks at Tinkletoes.

“What?” 

“That's it?”  Carp asks.   “We're already in Faerie?”

Tinkletoes shrugs.

“The door blends in.  How are we going to know where to knock?”

A sign slowly appears that reads: HOUSE.

“Oh.”  Carp says.

Both men turn away from the door and continue forward.

“Not bad.  Not bad at all.”  Tinkletoes says.

Carp sighs.

“The grassy meadow isn't enough?”

“I was hoping to see an elf.  Maybe an ogre.”

“No dragons?”  Tinkletoes asks grinning.

“The two dragons that we know are enough. Thank you.”

“I'm looking for two things.” Tinkletoes announces. “Monitor Man and the cats.”

The meadow leads onto a worn path that becomes a lane and eventually a dirt road.

“It's so empty.”  Carp points out.

“This is the part of Faerie that is accessed through House.”  Tinkletoes says, looking at Carp.   “Not much traffic.”

“Why did TP put it here?'”

“No telling.  It's TP.  Watch out for grenades and traps.  Cause...TP.”

“Do you think that he might have set a trap for Monitor Man?”

“TP?”  Tinkletoes thinks for a minute, "if he did there's more to it than that.”

A cat passes the two men.   No, not one of the ones that they are looking for.  The cat proceeds up the road at a quickened pace.

“There ya go.”  Tinkletoes says.  “You saw something.”

“Something I don't see every day.”  Carp says.

The cat calls behind it, “Mom. Mom!”

Tinkletoes and Carp hear the response come from behind them.

“Coming dear.”

A lioness passes them calling to her charge.  “I'm coming.  You know it's not nice to run away from Mommy like that.”

“Sorry Mom.” The cat says.

“A domestic cat and a wild cat having a mother and son talk. There's something you don't see everyday.” Tinkletoes says grinning.

Carp stands open-mouthed not uttering a sound.

Tinkletoes looks around.  “This is shaping up to be a beautiful day.”  He says and continues walking.