Writer Lady looks at Tinkletoes. “I have to admit that I did not see this coming.”
“I'm the man.” Monitor Man cries. “I'm the man!”
“I wonder...” Tinkletoes says thoughtfully, “do you think that the whole running for second-in-command of an entire country is too much pressure.”
“You might have started out with the upper paw but I turned it around.” Monitor Man continues.
“Let's see...a world famous actor who takes a trip in pursuit of a new project gets roped into running for one of the highest political positions in the country only to get kidnapped, transported to another dimension and find himself being hunted down in a fantastic game of cat and mouse. I think that this has been a tougher day than most. Even for him.”
“This is Monitor Man on a bad day?” Tinkletoes asks.
Monitor Man is doing a strange combination of posturing, dancing, and casting insults at the kittens (okay...flipping them the...um...bird).
“Why don't you climb into our bubble and say that?” Smudge Mal challenges.
“Any time.” Monitor Man answers. One of his hands begins pushing through the wall of his bubble.
“Bubble...if you would be so kind.” Writer Lady says. A honk echoes through the meadow getting everyone's attention. “Okay. Enough! I would like to declare this hunt over. With your permission Tinkletoes I would like to declare Smudge Mal and Spots Wash capable protectors.”
Tinkletoes nods.
“I would also like to declare Monitor Man a capable adversary. He stood up when the chips were down and turned the situation around.”
“Say it...say it...say it.” Monitor Man's whispers gently echo inside Writer Lady's bubble. “He is the man.” She announces. “Now let's go home.”
“But Dobby said...” Spots Wash begins to argue.
“Don't you worry about what Dobby said Spotsy. I'm going to be having a few words with Dobby.”
“I'm glad that's over.” Spots Wash says to Smudge Mal. “I wonder if we can get some food.”
“Ask.” Smudge Mal says.
Spots Wash looks at Writer Lady. “Could we have some food? Now?”
“Of course. You two must be getting awfully hungry. I'll get each of you a nice big bowl of food as soon as we get home. We'll have to pick up Dobby on our way out. Which way is home?”
Both kittens shrug.
“Don't you know where we are?” Writer Lady asks.
“What do you think we are? Dogs?” Smudge Mal asks.
“No. But you are soldiers.” Monitor Man says. He has calmed considerably and speaks quietly, with purpose. “A good soldier knows his surroundings. Think about it. Think about where you've been. Picture it in your mind. Describe it. Then tell us where we are.”
Tinkletoes looks at Monitor Man. “I didn't know you served.”
“I didn't. I've read for a few war movies.”
“That was really good. I don't remember ever hearing that speech.” Writer Lady says.
“You didn't. I haven't spoken those words since my audition.”
“You didn't get the part?”
“They decided to cut that scene during pre-production. Those were the only lines I had. No scene, no lines. No lines, no job.”
“They were good lines.” Writer Lady says as she, Monitor Man, and Tinkletoes watch as Smudge Mal and Spots Wash huddle to discuss where they had been. Several minutes pass and Smudge Mal announces. “We remember where we left Dobby.”
“In the desert.”
“Sailing on a pirate ship.”
Both kittens share at the same time.
“No he wasn't.” Smudge Mal says.
“Yes. He was. You were getting sea sick.” Spots Wash says.
“It's like two people witnessing the same car crash from opposite angles and one of them has the sun in their eyes.” Writer Lady says.
“We may never get a straight answer.” Tinkletoes agrees.
Carp and Black Buck the Antelope walk through the grasses of a vast meadow along the edges of what used to be the road.
“What does this Monitor Man look like?” Black Buck asks.
“Tall, handsome, great butt.” Carp answers.
“What makes him stand out amongst the other humans?”
“Tall, handsome, great butt.”
Black Buck smiles and blinks in amusement. The antelope looks behind Carp and stops walking. “Stop.” He says looking at Carp. “Look behind you.”
Carp stops walking and looks behind him. The meadow grasses are tall, covering Carp's posterior, the tips stopping halfway up the assassin in training's back. “Oh.”
“Unless your Monitor Man is seven feet tall we aren't going to get a good look at his buttocks.” Black Buck points out. “Maybe you can remember what he was wearing when you last saw him.”
Carp shakes his head.
“Perhaps Tinkletoes has found Monitor Man already.” Black Buck offers.
“That would be the way of things.” Carp says. “I never have any fun.” He sighs. “Did you know that I was the one who encouraged Tinkletoes to search Faerie for Monitor Man? I read about Faerie and the creatures that inhabit it when I was a child. I'm the one with the creative mind. The romantic heart. I was a romance writer. My last novel as Jenny Love before I started my serious work was going to be a sweeping saga. A love story for the ages between a Faerie king's half-human son and a pixie. It was going to be set in Faerie.” Carp looks at his surroundings, his eyes memorizing every blade of grass, flower, and random pebble on the deteriorating road. “Here I am, the one destined to write a great work of art about this place and the only one not to have an adventure.” Carp releases another sigh. This one of a tired, disheartened soul.
Black Buck listens patiently. “In your research did you never read about Faerie's felonious nature?”
“I thought that Faerie didn't have set laws.”
“Not felonious as in committing a felony. Perhaps you do not have a word for it. I meant feline in nature. Many walk through Faerie, but to encounter the true nature of this dimension you must treat it like a cat. You must wait for it to come to you.” Black Buck says. “Her creatures choose who they want to interact with and when.”
“Here we are with not so much as a pixie flying around.”
“There are many reasons pixies will deem an area uninteresting.”
“Such as?”
“Pixie fleas, killer mosquitoes, ogre infestation, dragon mating season, demon training, dungeon collapse.”
“Dungeon collapse?” Carp asks. “The dungeon is already in the bottom reaches of the castle.”
“If the foundation bricks were enchanted by drunken pixies...”
There is a rustling in the grass behind them.
Carp stops walking and listens. He turns his head twenty degrees to the east. The hair on the back of his neck stands up.
“I remember the first time I heard about a dungeon collapse...”
“Shhh...”
Black Buck stops talking and listens.
“We're being watched.” Carp says. “When I say 'Duck' then get down.”
Black Buck nods.
Both listen closely. A hoof strikes the ground once, then twice. Four hooves hit the ground at full stride, running straight towards them.