“You okay?” Writer Lady asks.
“Yeah. Um...yeah. These things whip around too much.” Tinkletoes says, looking around the inside of his bubble. “I can hear you.”
“It's a magical communications system. I thought that I wanted to ask you if you were all right so the communications system was activated.”
Tinkletoes' bubble shifts as a bubble full of field mice bump into him. It turns adjusting its course away from the cluster and takes off disappearing into the horizon. The self-proclaimed mercenary closes his eyes. “I wonder if the little weirdos came up with something to make everything stop spinning.”
There is a loud clicking noise and a pair of mechanical arms drop down into Tinkletoes' bubble. First the arms unfold, then a pair of hands, fingers extending. The index finger of each hand is covered with a thick, glowing goo. The fingers drop down to Tinkletoes' head, reaching in and giving the self-proclaimed mercenary a wet willy in each ear. He makes a face. The now bare fingers close into into the mechanical hands, fold back into the arms, disappearing as they tuck themselves into walls of the bubble.
A feminine voice says, “Thank you for using, 'No More Puke Balance Goo'. Enjoy your ride.”
“It looks like they do.” Writer Lady says smiling.
Tinkletoes closes his eyes for brief moment and opens them.
“Better?” She asks.
“Better.”
“I'm glad that we found you here. We're having a problem. I think that you're the solution.”
“Really?” Tinkletoes asks with a grin.
“There are two other bubbles here. One of them carries Smudge Mal and Spots Wash. The other Monitor Man. Could the bubbles move so that we can all see each other. Please?” Writer Lady asks the inside of her bubble.
The bubbles shift forming an impromptu circle. Both kittens remove their hats and bow their heads.
“Sir.” Smudge Mal says.
“Big Sir.” Spots Wash says.
Tinkletoes nods. “I see that your mom finally got you two properly outfitted. Looks good.”
Both kittens smile. Spots Wash holds up his Super Soaker proudly.
Tinkletoes looks at Monitor Man in his t-shirt with a target sign on it and matching khakis.
“Could you turn around?” Writer Lady asks.
Monitor Man does not move.
“Monitor Man?” She asks again.
“Is this really necessary?”
Writer Lady looks at Monitor Man without saying a word.
Monitor Man's face reddens as he slowly turns around. The words, “Your Ass Is Mine” show up clear as day across his backside.
“That's getting to the butt of the problem.” Tinkletoes says, grinning.
“We both know that Monitor Man disappeared from the house. As it turns out, he was kidnapped and transported to Faerie. Spots Wash and Smudge Mal are on a mission to capture Monitor Man. They told me that they're doing this to prove that they're capable of protecting our future president—Tinkletoes.” Writer Lady says.
“Great.”
“Not great.”
“They're trying to kill me.” Monitor Man says.
“Only if you don't come quietly.” Spots Wash says looking at Monitor Man.
“See. It's only if you don't go quietly.” Tinkletoes says.
“What happens if he doesn't go quietly?” Writer Lady asks.
“We'll take him any way we can.” Smudge Mal says. “We get extra points for transporting him if he doesn't cooperate.” The kitten says, grinning.
“That would be a big deal.” Tinkletoes says.
Monitor Man looks at the self-proclaimed mercenary.
“That's a lot of dead weight. I weigh about 250. What do you weigh, 200?” Tinkletoes asks.
“One eighty...five.” Monitor Man says.
“Only 185? Because it looks like you weigh more.” He says.
“I'm shorter than you are.” Monitor Man responds.
“Still...” Writer Lady says, “...two kittens who maybe weigh eight pounds between them and have no opposable thumbs schlepping 185 pounds of dead weight through Faerie and back home. It defies the laws of physics. They should get a few more points for doing something like that.”
“Could we stop saying “dead”...please?” Monitor Man looks at Writer Lady. “Whose side are you on anyway?”
“Yours. Who else's side would I be on?” She asks.
“If you are on my side would you please be on MY side?”
Nodding, Writer Lady says, “Although these two kittens undertaking such a challenge and getting this far is impressive, there is a major problem with this entire mission.”
Everyone looks at Writer Lady and listens.
She looks at Tinkletoes and says, “Monitor Man is your running mate. He can't help you win if he's...”
Monitor Man coughs loudly.
“...if he is captured. You're not loved by everyone Tinkletoes. Monitor Man is. You need Monitor Man to continue running with you. You need him to help you win this election.”
Tinkletoes listens, thinking for a few moments and says, “He does have a majority of the female votes, him being an actor and all.”
“He also has the support of the magical community. I remember TP talking about how the magical communities of Faerie have influenced many aspects of our world including our politics. The successful presidents have always had the support of the creatures of Faerie.”
Tinkletoes looks from Writer Lady to Monitor Man who slowly nods in agreement.
“Nixon...” she continues, “Nixon lost the support of most of Faerie, specifically, the Pixie community before his second term. Do you want to be another Nixon?”
“No.” He answers.
“Clearly you need Monitor Man.”
“Yeah.” Tinkletoes admits grudgingly. He looks at the kittens. “No more actor hunting.”
“No-o-o.” Smudge Mal and Spots Wash's protests end with a groan.
“Yes. It ends now.” Tinkletoes says.
“O-kay. Can we keep the clothes and the Super Soaker?” Spots Wash asks.
Tinkletoes looks at Writer Lady who smiles, quietly points to the water gun and shakes her head. “You can keep the clothes but not the other gear.”
The kittens look at each other.
“I want one thing.” Smudge Mal says. “Credit for how far we got. We traveled to another dimension and successfully tracked our target. We deserve credit for the work. We deserve to have it taken into account when you become president.”
“No. You didn't catch me.” Monitor Man says, “Besides, we found the bubbles, turned back and caught you tracking us. If anyone hunted anyone successfully it was us.” He says gesturing to Writer Lady. “We should get the credit.”
The kittens begin protesting Monitor Man's argument.
“I did not see this one coming. Did you?” Tinkletoes asks looking at Writer Lady.
No comments:
Post a Comment