A New Champion Is Named

Writer Lady walks into the kitchen. She has showered and changed into comfy jeans and a t-shirt that reads, “Mess With Me. I Dare You.” She works her way through the crowd and stops in the bonus room. She looks around, finding that everyone is on their way into the kitchen, she takes up the rear and pushes things along. “Has everyone washed their hands? The bathroom is open in case anyone...” she realizes that no one is listening to her, “…would like to wash their hands.”

The Lady With The Long Golden Hair waits for her in the laundry room. “Hello, my sister.”

“You made it.” Writer Lady smiles. “Pirate said that you were having issues with the Treimhse Ar Adoration this year.” Something moves in Writer Lady’s peripheral vision and she glances at the window, long enough to see one of Gordon’s inquiring eyes peeking in.

“I am well my sister. It has been stressful...”

“There’s an eyeball.” Writer Lady interrupts. “Why am I looking at a giant eyeball?”

“Because there is a giant attached to it. Gordon, meet my sister Writer Lady. Writer Lady this is Gordon.”

“Hello?” Writer Lady says.

Gordon blinks one time in response.

Writer Lady pushes through the group assembled in the kitchen to a string of protests. She continues to the living room's picture window and peeks outside to get a better look at “Gordon”. “My Goodness” she pales. “What was that man thinking? I cannot protect you from this.”

“No you cannot.” The Lady With The Long Golden Hair agrees as she follows her into the room.

Writer Lady looks at The Lady With The Long Golden Hair.

“You are not supposed to be here. You are not part of this story.”

“But this is my house!”

“As my sister you are an amplifier for my magic which makes the situation more dangerous. You cannot stay.”

“I am making things worse?” Writer Lady asks.

The Lady With The Long Golden Hair nods solemnly. “Do not forget that I am the one with the most magic. I see both stories and what is to transpire in the coming hours. You are an important part of the expedition to retrieve Excalibur. You never should have left Faerie.”

“That’s what I said.” Writer Lady picks up one of the cat’s stuffed toys and twists it. “Those short sighted, bossy, mean….men.”

“Mom?” Dobby asks. “That’s my toy.”

She looks down to see Dobby’s favorite toy in her clenched hands. She looks at Dobby’s saddened expression. “I’m sorry Kitty. I guess I’m a little bit frustrated. Why aren’t you eating?”

“I’m finished.” Dobby says. “I wanted to find Wormie before Spots Wash can run off with him.”

“Of course. Here you go. I’m sorry Kitty.” She opens her hands and bends down so Dobby can take the toy in his teeth.

The ginger tabby finds a good place near a window to settle in with his toy and drops it on to the floor in front of him. “Thanks Mom.”

Spots Wash walks into the living room just as Dobby settling into a good wrestling match with Wormie. “Wormie.” He says as he watches Dobby and the toy with disappointment.

“Wormie is Dobby’s toy. Go get one of your toys.”

Not moving the kitten looks around. At the ceiling mostly. “I don’t see anything,” he yowls.

Writer Lady looks around a bit and finds Yellow Dog. “Look. Yellow Dog is here,” she says and waves the toy in front of the kitten, “he really missed you.”

“He has to miss me.” Spots Wash announces. “If he didn’t then I’d kick his butt.” The kitten takes the toy into his mouth and runs off towards Writer Lady’s bedroom.

“Spots!” Writer Lady calls.

“Sor-ry.”

“As I was saying, your part of the story is back in Faerie, procuring Excalibur.”

“I’m supposed to leave you here? Alone?”

Several people, animals, magical creatures, enter the living room carrying plates of food.

“I am not alone my sister.”

“Without Pirate you have no champion.”

“That is why I will appoint a new one, temporarily.” The Lady With The Long Golden Hair says.

Carp enters the room as the words are leaving her lips. “A champion? Me? I accept. I can finally get a real test of my skills as an assassin.” He looks at Aunt Purdy. “This is very exciting.”

She nods.

“Thank you for accepting Carp. I am flattered but you are not the champion.”

“They are.” The Lady With The Long Golden Hair says. She looks at Dylan and Furnatche.

Ray comes into the room carrying a plate of food and a bowl of cheese balls. “Duuude...” He says as he looks at The Lady With The Long Golden Hair, “I brought you some food and some cheese balls. I found them in my pocket, they’re still good. There were more of them but I got hungry.”

“He will be my champion’s second.”

Pirate and The Lady of the Lake

Tinkletoes leans in, “What happened?”

Pirate does not speak.

Monitor Man looks at Tinkletoes, “This might be too difficult for him to talk about.”

Tinkletoes sits back and looks at Monitor Man. “He’s a man. It was years ago. He should have walked it off by now.”

Pirate studies his glass and drinks down the sand in one shot.

“It looks like he’s not.”

“Talking about it will help." Tinkletoes looks at Pirate. "What happened with Curves?”

Pirate removes his moonstone earring, disconnecting the moonstone, he holds it up with the tips of his fingers. Once again, the small round stone grows into a crystal ball. He holds up the crystal ball so that the other two men can look into it. “This is what happened.”

“It is a beautiful palace.”

“It is.” The Lady of the Lake agrees. “I have everything. Everything that I have ever wanted or needed.”

“Except?”

“Do I really have to tell you sir?” She asks with a raised brow.

He smirks. “Love.” He studies her then his eyes brighten.

“Why do you look at me like that?” She asks.

“Like what?” He asks with a grin.

“Like I am your meal.” She looks away. “I am The Lady of the Lake. You know not what you wish to dally with sir.”

“Let me dally.” Pirate says, taking a step closer, his voice deepens. “Then I will know.”

“I am The Lady of the Lake. No man that has ever come to me has not fallen deeply in love. They often find themselves drowning in the darkest waters of the lake.”

Pirate takes two steps closer. “I shall not fall in love then.” He says and kisses her.

After several seconds she places a hand on his chest and takes a step back. “You think yourself stronger than all of the magic that ever was? That ever will be? Stronger than the magic of Avalon?”

“Pirate.”

She kisses him. “That kiss tells me everything. You will leave me. You will leave me some day and break my heart.”

“I will not.”

“I am the Lady of the Lake. I have seen it.” She kisses him again. “Our kiss also tells me that memories of our time together will carry me through many years to come. I do believe, buccaneer, that I will have this time, whatever time, we are given.”

“Pirate. I’m a pirate, Luv.”

“You fell in love.” Monitor Man says.

“Aye. I did.” Pirate responds. He hangs his head as if the memories are sapping his energy. “I fell for her. I spent all of my moments with her, doing things for her, or thinking of things that I wanted to do for her.” He smiles. “I would draw sketches of flowers, trees, wooded paths to villages filled with shoppers on market day, anything that I thought she would admire.”

“She chucked you out, huh?” Tinkletoes asks. “You know, for doing all that flowery crap.”

“She is bound by the confines of the lake.” Pirate says.

“Her kingdom is the lake and only the lake?” Monitor Man asks.

Pirate nods.

“What?” Tinkletoes asks.

“She isn’t allowed to leave the water.” Monitor Man says, looking at Tinkletoes.

“Aren’t rulers supposed to be able to go wherever they want to?”

“Not in the world of magic.” Pirate says. “All was well for a time, until the sea began calling to me.”

“The sea is a jealous mistress.”

“She would call to me both in my dreams and when I was awake. I could hear the sound of her waves calling. My dreams of the sea became more vivid each night until one morning I awoke with the taste of her salt on my lips. Eventually, I could take no more. I had to return to her. I woke early one morning. I drew one final picture of the lady as she slept. I studied her curves one last time and left.”

“Did you tell her that you were going?” Monitor Man asks.

Pirate shakes his head.

“Did you leave her anything? A message. A note?”

Pirate raises his head and looks into the distance. “I did not. I could not.”

“No sketches or trinkets?”

“Nothing.”

A Giant, Tinkletoes and A Pirate's Story...Oh My!

The door opens to the Lady With The Long Golden Hair. A giant eyeball attached to a large beard covered cheek peers at Peter from over her left shoulder. Several pair of eyeballs peer into the house from behind her right one.

“I am the Lady With The Long Golden Hair. I am here to see my sister.”

“Come in.” Peter says.

The Lady With The Long Golden Hair looks at the giant eyeball. “As you can see I have made it here safely. Thank you Gordon.”

The giant eyeball glazes over at the sound of the Lady With The Long Golden Hair’s voice. She quickly moves out of the way of a splash of drool in the nick of time and enters the house.

A pair of lizards try to follow her inside.

“Shut the door.” She says. “Now.”

Peter shuts the door blocking the entrance of anyone or anything else that wishes to cross House’s threshold. Peter stands at the door to get a better look at the menagerie of males gathered outside. Dogs, cats, birds, bulls, cheetahs, ogres, bees. Was that a unicorn? A large bird bursts into flames as it flies past the door and falls to the ground in a pile of ash. The ashes rise and form a new bird that quickly grows feathers. It takes off and continues the journey that it was on before it burst into flames. There also men gathered on the outer edge of the lawn waiting. Looking at the house expectantly, hopefully, and sometimes woefully. Some are dressed up, some are wearing jeans and muscle shirts. A couple of them are arguing. Face to face, posturing, preparing for a fight. The eyeball returns. Peter lifts a hand and acknowledges the giant who is faithfully guarding the door.

Carp walks across the room and looks out through the door’s window. “So much for Tinkletoes’ idea.” He says.

The Lady With The Long Golden Hair looks at Carp and waits for him to finish speaking.

“It looks like they followed you here.” He says.

“This is a small percentage of the males that have been camped out at my home. Although, I do wish Gordon would have headed home when I left.” She says looking in the direction of the door.

The giant sees the Lady With The Long Golden Hair look in his direction. He sits down as close to the door as he can manage and proceeds to groom himself. He smooths his beard in the reflection of the door glass, checks his teeth, and pulls out a renegade nose hair.

There are a variety of sounds expressing disgust. Several heads turn away from the door.

Dylan runs to the door and watches closely. “Cool.” He says.

Ray walks up behind the boy and peers outside at the giant. “Dude...what’s so interesting.”

“Nose hair. Giant nose hair.” He answers. The boy turns and runs to his older brother. “Did you see that Peter? That giant has the biggest nose hairs of anyone.”

Peter nods.

Ray steps forward into the recently evacuated space and proceeds to study Gordon’s ministrations. Gordon sees Ray. With only a piece of glass and some wood to separate them, both giant and human peer at each other with curiosity.

“Don’t just stand there.” Carp says as he gestures to the blind hanging just above the door’s window. “Pull the shade.”

Ray pulls down the shade,turns, and re-enters the central part of the bonus room. There is a resounding thump.

Peter and Paige run back to another window and look at what’s happening outside.

“The giant is sitting in the middle of the driveway.” Peter announces. “He looks kind of sad.”

“He’s pouting.” Paige counters. “Pouting!”

Aunt Purdy’s voice can be heard coming up behind them. “Children don’t have a monopoly on pouting. We all have bad days. Get everyone assembled, then go get yourselves cleaned up. Dinner is ready.”

“I’m not feeling as hungry as I was a few minutes ago.” Peter says.

“Neither am I, Peter.” Carp says. The assassin-in-training follows behind him. “Neither am I.”

 Pirate's Story

“I arrived in Faerie for the first time, ten years ago, by misadventure. I had been relieved of my command and was left in a dinghy to find civilization or die. I was afloat for several days. In and out of consciousness. I dreamed strange dreams. I found myself wandering away from that dinghy in my mind and back to my childhood. Back to times before I knew my father, before I knew about pirates, when I was still very young. My mother and older sister would tell me stories of a land. A mystical place called, “Faerie.”

“Full of unicorns, rainbows, and forests made of chocolate and other sweet treats.” Paulie offered, setting Pirate, Tinkletoes, and Monitor Man up with their gritty drinks. “There is a dark side to Faerie. One that the tales all avoid.” The bartender looks at Sandy who has returned to his post. Sandy grins, showing all of his teeth.

“Grimm’s Fairy Tales.” Monitor Man offers.

“The Brothers Grimm took one bad day here, embellished it, and blew a few things that they had seen out of proportion. They wrote a book that became a classic. Humans still steer their children away from it to this day.” Paulie explains. “The pansies.” He walks to the far end of the bar and another customer leaving the trio alone to talk.

“Yes,” Pirate continues, “at first they were the sweet and gentle stories that you would tell a small child. I was a curious lad and hounded my sister for more. She told me the tales of knights fighting fire breathing dragons and ogres in battles to the death to win a place protecting future queens. There were beautiful queens, fair maidens, and of course, the Lady of the Lake.”

“Did you call out to her?” Monitor Man asks.

“Aye, in the delirium of my dreams, I must have because when I awoke I was alive, no longer sun sick or dehydrated inside a beautiful underwater castle in the middle of a deep and enchanted lake.”

“Alone, with the Lady of the Lake? With her deep blue eyes, beautiful smile, long flowing tresses...” Monitor Man says.

“And those curves.” Tinkletoes finishes.

“Aye...those too.”