A Giant, Tinkletoes and A Pirate's Story...Oh My!

The door opens to the Lady With The Long Golden Hair. A giant eyeball attached to a large beard covered cheek peers at Peter from over her left shoulder. Several pair of eyeballs peer into the house from behind her right one.

“I am the Lady With The Long Golden Hair. I am here to see my sister.”

“Come in.” Peter says.

The Lady With The Long Golden Hair looks at the giant eyeball. “As you can see I have made it here safely. Thank you Gordon.”

The giant eyeball glazes over at the sound of the Lady With The Long Golden Hair’s voice. She quickly moves out of the way of a splash of drool in the nick of time and enters the house.

A pair of lizards try to follow her inside.

“Shut the door.” She says. “Now.”

Peter shuts the door blocking the entrance of anyone or anything else that wishes to cross House’s threshold. Peter stands at the door to get a better look at the menagerie of males gathered outside. Dogs, cats, birds, bulls, cheetahs, ogres, bees. Was that a unicorn? A large bird bursts into flames as it flies past the door and falls to the ground in a pile of ash. The ashes rise and form a new bird that quickly grows feathers. It takes off and continues the journey that it was on before it burst into flames. There also men gathered on the outer edge of the lawn waiting. Looking at the house expectantly, hopefully, and sometimes woefully. Some are dressed up, some are wearing jeans and muscle shirts. A couple of them are arguing. Face to face, posturing, preparing for a fight. The eyeball returns. Peter lifts a hand and acknowledges the giant who is faithfully guarding the door.

Carp walks across the room and looks out through the door’s window. “So much for Tinkletoes’ idea.” He says.

The Lady With The Long Golden Hair looks at Carp and waits for him to finish speaking.

“It looks like they followed you here.” He says.

“This is a small percentage of the males that have been camped out at my home. Although, I do wish Gordon would have headed home when I left.” She says looking in the direction of the door.

The giant sees the Lady With The Long Golden Hair look in his direction. He sits down as close to the door as he can manage and proceeds to groom himself. He smooths his beard in the reflection of the door glass, checks his teeth, and pulls out a renegade nose hair.

There are a variety of sounds expressing disgust. Several heads turn away from the door.

Dylan runs to the door and watches closely. “Cool.” He says.

Ray walks up behind the boy and peers outside at the giant. “Dude...what’s so interesting.”

“Nose hair. Giant nose hair.” He answers. The boy turns and runs to his older brother. “Did you see that Peter? That giant has the biggest nose hairs of anyone.”

Peter nods.

Ray steps forward into the recently evacuated space and proceeds to study Gordon’s ministrations. Gordon sees Ray. With only a piece of glass and some wood to separate them, both giant and human peer at each other with curiosity.

“Don’t just stand there.” Carp says as he gestures to the blind hanging just above the door’s window. “Pull the shade.”

Ray pulls down the shade,turns, and re-enters the central part of the bonus room. There is a resounding thump.

Peter and Paige run back to another window and look at what’s happening outside.

“The giant is sitting in the middle of the driveway.” Peter announces. “He looks kind of sad.”

“He’s pouting.” Paige counters. “Pouting!”

Aunt Purdy’s voice can be heard coming up behind them. “Children don’t have a monopoly on pouting. We all have bad days. Get everyone assembled, then go get yourselves cleaned up. Dinner is ready.”

“I’m not feeling as hungry as I was a few minutes ago.” Peter says.

“Neither am I, Peter.” Carp says. The assassin-in-training follows behind him. “Neither am I.”

 Pirate's Story

“I arrived in Faerie for the first time, ten years ago, by misadventure. I had been relieved of my command and was left in a dinghy to find civilization or die. I was afloat for several days. In and out of consciousness. I dreamed strange dreams. I found myself wandering away from that dinghy in my mind and back to my childhood. Back to times before I knew my father, before I knew about pirates, when I was still very young. My mother and older sister would tell me stories of a land. A mystical place called, “Faerie.”

“Full of unicorns, rainbows, and forests made of chocolate and other sweet treats.” Paulie offered, setting Pirate, Tinkletoes, and Monitor Man up with their gritty drinks. “There is a dark side to Faerie. One that the tales all avoid.” The bartender looks at Sandy who has returned to his post. Sandy grins, showing all of his teeth.

“Grimm’s Fairy Tales.” Monitor Man offers.

“The Brothers Grimm took one bad day here, embellished it, and blew a few things that they had seen out of proportion. They wrote a book that became a classic. Humans still steer their children away from it to this day.” Paulie explains. “The pansies.” He walks to the far end of the bar and another customer leaving the trio alone to talk.

“Yes,” Pirate continues, “at first they were the sweet and gentle stories that you would tell a small child. I was a curious lad and hounded my sister for more. She told me the tales of knights fighting fire breathing dragons and ogres in battles to the death to win a place protecting future queens. There were beautiful queens, fair maidens, and of course, the Lady of the Lake.”

“Did you call out to her?” Monitor Man asks.

“Aye, in the delirium of my dreams, I must have because when I awoke I was alive, no longer sun sick or dehydrated inside a beautiful underwater castle in the middle of a deep and enchanted lake.”

“Alone, with the Lady of the Lake? With her deep blue eyes, beautiful smile, long flowing tresses...” Monitor Man says.

“And those curves.” Tinkletoes finishes.

“Aye...those too.”