The Best Laid Plans

“She has.”

Monitor Man picks himself up, dusts himself off, and reaches the group at the same time Writer Lady dismounts. “Thank you Leitis.” Writer Lady says as she rubs the unicorn’s nose.

Black Buck The Antelope and the silver unicorn appear. The silver unicorn and Leitis greet each other with happy sniffs and nickers.

“Why?” Tinkletoes asks.

“Why what?” Writer Lady asks.

“Why’d she send a female to do a man’s job?”

“Because you’ll screw it up.” Writer Lady answers.

“Screw it up. I never screw things up.” Tinkletoes says.

Writer Lady looks at Tinkletoes.

“Okay. There have been a few bumps in the road.”

She does not change her expression.

“Sometimes things aren't thoroughly planned out.”

She raises an eyebrow.

Tinkletoes coughs.

“I’m sure that this lovely woman….” Black Buck says.

Tinkletoes coughs louder.

“...doesn’t mean it in quite that way.” The antelope offers. “Perhaps Writer Lady has some useful details that The Lady With The Long Golden Hair knew that you would be needing.”

“You have information.” Monitor Man says.

Pirate reaches up to touch the earring that Writer Lady is wearing. His hand stops at the moonstone, gently cradling it with his fingers. “And a most powerful weapon.” He says, looking at each member of the group. “It seems that The Lady With The Long Golden Hair is never without one more bit of magic.” He releases the earring and it falls, swinging a bit before stopping and coming to rest below Writer Lady’s earlobe.

“What was the plan?” She asks.

“I’m distracting the guards.” Tinkletoes says with a grin. “He’s charming the pants off of Lady Gray.” The self-proclaimed mercenary says gesturing towards Monitor Man with a nod of his head.

The actor nods. “I’m supposed to present myself to Lady Gray and ask to borrow Excalibur using my best manners.”

“I’m going to borrow the sword while all other parties are suitably occupied.”

“You were going to steal it.” Writer Lady says looking at Pirate.

“Pi-rate.” The buccaneer says with a grin. “It really is what I’m best at Luv.”

Writer Lady looks at Pirate and thinks for a minute. She reaches out and puts a hand on his shoulder. She looks him in the eyes and says, “I’m sure it is. Believe me when I tell you that I say this with the utmost respect for you and your um...skills. ‘Not today, Luv’.”

“It’s just gonna be a little fire.” Tinkletoes says.

“The Lady With The Long Golden Hair says that such activities could wake something that should not be woken.”

Black Buck The Antelope looks at Tinkletoes and asks, “Where was the fire to be lit?”

“In the back. Behind the ogre barracks.”

Black Buck shakes his head. “The ogres are quite fragrant. The combination of the scent of the fire mixed with the scent of ogre would hunger the Cinn Dhorcha or Dark Ones, waking them from hibernation. They would surely rush the castle killing everything within it.”

“We’ll kill them first.” Tinkletoes looks at Pirate. “Can’t we use that fancy earring weapon to kill ‘em?”

“The moonstone would not work on the Cinn Dhorcha. It’s not that kind of magic.”

“No.” Black Buck says, “No one is quite sure what kind of magic was used to put the Cinn Dhorcha into hibernation. If they were to wake, Faerie would become a very dark place. A very dark place indeed.”

Tinkletoes shakes his head and mutters. “Charming the pants off of a lady is so easy. Classic. It rarely fails.” He looks at Monitor Man. “Sorry Buddy. It looks like you’re gonna have to satisfy your manly desires some other time.”

Monitor Man looks at Writer Lady and says, “I had no interest in doing that.”

A snort and a strange laugh burst forth from Black Buck The Antelope. “I should hope not.”

“What?” Tinkletoes asks.

“How well do you know Lady Gray?” Writer Lady asks.

“Not at all, but I do know enough about her to know that she is not interested in the affections of any human. No matter how handsome or charming. At least not those kinds of affections.”

No one speaks, they wait to hear more.

“She is quite young.”

“Jail bait.” Tinkletoes says.

“Wise.”

“An old soul.” Monitor Man offers.

“She appreciates courage and forthrightness.”

“Honesty.” Writer Lady says. “That’s it! Pirate, you need to go in there and be honest, about everything. Your feelings for The Lady of the Lake, your love of adventure and the sea, and the reason you serve The Lady With The Long Golden Hair. It’s the only chance that you have to procure Excalibur.”

Pirate begins to pale. As much as anyone who is in grayscale can anyway.

Writer Lady continues, “First, we need to find a way to win her favor, get her on your side before you have even spoken. We need an “In.”




 ******************************

“How are a child and a baby dragon going to protect me?” House demands. “How can they keep all of those males from getting in?”

“Dylan and Furnatche will not have to.” The Lady With The Long Golden Hair responds.

House grumbles.

“What I think what The Lady With The Long Golden Hair is trying to say is that jealousy most often manifests itself because there is a threat to the reciprocation of the admirer’s affections. What’s less likely to be a threat to the potential reciprocation of the those admirer’s affections but a small boy and a baby dragon?” Diomedes asks.

“There are so many of them.” House exclaims. “What happens when they all get together and begin pushing against my doors and windows?”

“As long as their numbers remain as they are now I am confident that all will be well until Pirate has returned.” The Lady With The Long Golden Hair answers.

“The only real threat is the giant.” Carp says. The assassin-in-training stands at the picture window and looks at the driveway, then up. He continues to crane his neck. He puts a hand onto the back of it and massages what is currently under strain. “He is a big boy.”

“Mur...” House groans.

“It’s going to be okay.” Mural Man says. “Just relax, it’s going to be okay.”

Carp sees something moving to the left of Gordon. The giant moves, affording him a view of the street that runs adjacent to the house. A mob of men, animals, and magical creatures are all heading straight for Writer Lady’s house. The men who were abandoned at The Lady With The Long Golden Hair’s house have picked up her scent and are following it and picking up more admirers along the way. They fill the street. Men carrying flowers, bouquets of balloons, the odd kitten. One pulls up driving a new convertible. Other men went for other forms of presentation pulling out their best finery. There are several bikers, on their Harleys, shining clean with chrome sparkling. There are cowboys riding their own fine steeds, outlaws with big black hats, some wearing princely finery. One or two brave souls ride in full armor. Knights ready to bow to a great lady. If they can stay on their horses. There are poets, writers, and musicians competing to be heard. 
   A pair of police cars pull up and block the group before they can make the turn on to Writer Lady’s street. 
  "Thank goodness." Carp says.
The mob stops walking and waits as the officers speak to a man at the front who is carrying flowers. He points to the house. The officers nod and smile. They get into their squad cars and begin leading the parade to its destination.

“So much for protecting and serving.” Carp says.

Stuck In Bed On Halloween

  May D. C. ComicsTM, MarvelTM  and DisneyTM all take the use of any and all of their characters in the spirit with it was intended, to entertain and comfort sick children.  Not for monetary gain.

  For all of the girls and boys who are stuck in bed on Halloween.

Once upon an autumn dreary, lay a young boy weak and weary.  He had woke that morning not feeling well at all.  He must go to the doctor proclaimed one and all.  The doctor said that seven year old Billy was not well at all.  He must get back to bed immediately.  There was no time to stall.

Billy was not a happy boy.  Not at all.  For his utmost, favorite time of the year was the fall.  He looked at his parents, grandparents, siblings and said.  “You don’t understand.  I can’t stay in bed.  It’s Halloween.  All of my amazing friends are coming here.  We all trick or treat together.  It’s my favorite time of the year.”

“Billy you’re sick,” came all of the responses he heard.

Billy decided that “sick” was the most awful kind of word.  “You don’t understand.  Wonder Woman is coming.  So are Thor and Iron Man.  The Flash is already running.  What about Batman, Superman, and Spidey?   I am the one who makes sure that my favorite pirate knows where that little monkey is hiding.  What about the gargoyles, the jack-o-lanterns, and Frankenstein.  What about Count Dracula?  He loves telling his scary nursery rhymes.  Who will they play with? Who will count their treats? Who will guide them this Halloween down of all of the best streets?”

“We don’t  know.”  Said everyone to whom Billy had spoken.  “All we know is that it won’t be you.”

Billy tried to forget about Halloween.  It was lonely and sad being sick.  It was hard watching the decorations go up throughout the neighborhood.

Billy’s family tried to make things easier.  They wanted him to feel better.  Nothing helped.  Not even video game tournaments with Grandpa helped Grandpa couldn’t play video games.  At All.

  Billy decided that he would try harder to be happy.  He would be good because when he cried it made Mom sad.  It was embarrassing when she got sappy. Girls.

Halloween came and Billy was brave.  He smiled and laughed.  He cheered his family and friends’ costumes and antics.  He encouraged everyone to have fun.  To go outside and play.  At exactly eight p.m. , he was alone in his room with his favorite movie and a soda.  A bowl of Halloween candy sat on the nightstand next to the bed.  He thought that he was alone when a text message popped up on his mother’s forgotten phone.

The message read Who’s ready for Halloween?  This guy. S.

The tap-tap-tap on Billy’s window confirmed his suspicion.  Billy waved Superman into the house.  He was standing in Billy's bedroom doorway in a matter of seconds.

  “Hey Billy.  Why aren’t you ready for trick-or-treating?”  He asked.

 “Can’t go.  I’m sick.”

“Oh.”  Superman said and looked around the room.  “May I sit down?”

 “Yeah.”

Superman found the dining chair that Grandpa forgot to put back into the kitchen when he left and sat down.

“Candy?”  Billy asked holding out the bowl of candy for Superman.

“Thanks.” 

“You can go if you want.  It’s no fun here.” 

“No.  I can’t go without you.  You protect me.”

Billy looked at Superman.

“Don’t you remember the year that we went to the Halloween carnival?  All those children were wearing those glowing green things?  I was so scared.”

“They were just glow necklaces.”

“They looked just like kryptonite.”  Superman said.  “What if there are more of them?”

“They’re still just glow necklaces.” 

“You’re the one who knows that.” 

Billy looked at Superman and shook his head. A shadow appeared in the doorway. Billy watched as the shadow grew larger and took shape.  The pointed ears made a noise and continued to darken the doorway.

“I should have known that you would be here.” Batman said in his deep, gravelly voice.

“Billy is my best friend.”  Superman said.

“He’s my best friend.”  Batman said.

“He was mine first.”

“Why don’t you two boys go outside to settle this?”  Wonder Woman’s voice can be heard coming from behind Batman.  “I feel like visiting.”

The two superheroes grunted at each other and let Wonder Woman enter the room.  “Goodnight gentlemen.”

The visit with Wonder Woman was nice.  Billy kept noticing movement outside of his bedroom window.  “There is a lot going on tonight," she said.

“Show me.”

Wonder Woman picked the boy up and took him to the window.  Sure enough, everyone was lined up outside of the house for a visit.  Gargoyles, werewolves, Frankenstein, and ghouls.  Iron Man and Thor stood next to Count Dracula and Darth Vader.  A group of Stormtroopers were gathered around Yoda. Pirates and ghosts wove their way through the line and cut to the front.  Wonder Woman sighed. She tucked Billy back into his bed, opened the window, and called, “No cutting Jack.”

“Bugger,” was heard coming from the direction of the front porch light.

She closed the window, turned to Billy and said,  “I hope that you took a good nap this afternoon because you are going to have one busy night.”  She kissed him on the forehead, gave the boy a quick smile, and was gone.

Billy was not alone.  Wonder Woman was right.  He had a busy night.  Between playing Thumb Wars with Darth Vader and listening to Count Dracula’s rhymes, he got his tongue wrapped around his fangs four times, Billy was exhausted. So many visitors.  What a night!  Billy’s parents checked on him at midnight.  They asked him if he had a nice Halloween, he nodded, his eyes dropped heavily as he responded.  He whispered something to his father as he hugged him.  His father grinned, guided Billy’s mom out of the room, and closed the door behind him.

His parents stopped on the other side of the closed door.

“What did he say?”  Billy’s mother asked.

“He can’t wait until next year when he can go trick-or-treating again.  Everyone visiting was great but Halloween from bed is exhausting.”

Closet Doors And Wild Rides

“It does sound like Pirate has been through enough.  If I can help put an end to this punishment,  I would like to.”

“Thank you.” 

“Mom?”

Writer Lady and The Lady With The Long Golden Hair both turn and look at the doorway.  A neon pink nose pokes into the room followed by its rainbow colored owner.

“Yes Smudge.”

“You’re leaving?”  The kitten asks, eyes wide.

“It’s okay.  Come here Kitty.”

Smudge enters the room and immediately jumps into Writer Lady’s lap.  She pets the kitten.  He lifts his head for a chin scratch and she complies.  “You know, I think that the color is fading already.”

“The colors began to weaken the moment that you left Faerie.  When a non-magical being leaves Faerie the magic fades quickly.  His nose appears to have the highest concentration of magic on it, so it will fade last.”  The Lady With The Long Golden Hair says.

“That’s good news.”  Once Smudge Mal has relaxed, she says.  “The answer to your question is ‘yes.’  I am returning to Faerie.  As my sister has been explaining to me,  we all have a specific place in this story and mine is not here.”

“Where is it?”  The kitten asks.

“Her place is in Faerie.  Aiding Pirate in his quest.”

“Isn’t that what Tinkletoes and Monitor Man are doing?”  Dobby asks as he enters the room.

“Yes.  But Writer Lady has a way of approaching problems that can be…gentler than Tinkletoes.  She has the power to keep this quest from turning into an unnecessary battle.  There are creatures in Faerie that Tinkletoes could wake who need not be woken.”

“That sounds important.”  Dylan says.  He and Furnatche are standing in the doorway.

“It is.”  The Lady With The Long Golden Hair says.  She turns and looks at the glowing closet door.  She removes an earring and hands it to Writer Lady.  “You will need this.”

Writer Lady recognizes the design and the unique shape of the white stone.  It matches Pirate’s enchanted adornment.  She puts it on.

“The earring holds enough of my magic that it will enhance your own dormant power.  Faerie will see you as one of her own. You will be safe from many unsavory characters.” She says.  “One more thing  my sister, with this boost of your own power, you may find that you can do things that you have never been capable of doing.”

“I’ve never been trained in the use of magic.”  Writer Lady says.

“Which is why you should refrain from using it now."

Writer Lady nods.

“The moonstone has been enchanted with something that is only to be used as a last resort.  When you reach Pirate, tell him.  He can take care of things from there.”

She nods again.

The Lady With The Long Golden Hair looks at the closet door and nods.  The door to Faerie opens.  Furnatche pants and runs around High Command joyfully.   The baby dragon edges towards  the closet, sniffs  the air, whimpers, and backs further into the room, hiding behind Dylan.

Writer Lady takes a last look around the room, “I’m going to miss you all so much.”  Her eyes  tear up for a moment.  She looks at the cats.  “Be good for your auntie.  I’ll be back as soon as Excalibur is in Pirate’s hands.  Say ‘bye’ to Spots Wash for me.  I love you all.”  She lifts Smudge Mal from her lap and hands him to the Lady With The Long Golden Hair.  Rising from her seat, she walks to the open closet.  As Writer Lady enters Faerie,  the door closes behind her.

“Neat trick.”  Smudge Mal says to The Lady With The Long Golden Hair.  “How did you do that?”

“I didn’t.”

“While you’re charming the pants off of Lady Whoeversheis,  I’m goin’ to  distract the ogres.  I’ll keep it behind  their barracks. They’ll run off to the back of the fortress.  Pirate will sneak into The Solar and take the weapon .  We’ll meet you in those woods.”  Tinkletoes says, pointing to a stand of trees  several yards from the road.

“What about Lady Gray’s guards.”  Monitor Man asks.

“Yeah.  What about ‘em?”

“Who’s going to distract them?”

Tinkletoes looks at Pirate.  “No one.”

“How am I supposed to get out of the castle?”  Monitor Man asks.

“Bein’ charming and stuff?” 

Monitor Man shakes his head.

“If you didn’t like the plan then you should have said something.”  Tinkletoes points out.

“I did!”

“I didn’t hear anything.”  Tinkletoes counters.  “You hear anything?”  He asks Pirate.

Pirate grins mischievously then makes a more serious face.  “No Sir.  I did not.”

“There ya go.”

Monitor Man mutters,  “You think that no one is listening to you then they open their mouths and prove it.  This is so wrong.”

“Yeah, well, tell it to someone who’s listening.”  Tinkletoes says.  The self-proclaimed mercenary turns and continues towards Castle Glas.

Monitor Man hears something behind him, he turns and watches as a shape in the distance comes closer.  Within seconds it is nearly upon him.  A magnificent creature with a sharp white horn protruding from its brow.  It’s running straight towards his head.

“Move…move…move your ass!  NOW!”  Writer Lady yells.

Monitor Man jumps out of the way with seconds to spare.  The unicorn passes him and keeps moving,  stopping abruptly at the sight of Pirate’s raised hand.  Writer Lady lays down and strokes the unicorn’s neck then hugs her from behind.  “Thank you.  Thank you for not letting me die.”

“You okay?”  Tinkletoes asks.

Writer Lady takes stock of her person.  “It looks like it.”

“What are you doing here?”  Monitor Man asks as he approaches.

“Yeah.  I sent you home.”  Tinkletoes says.

Writer Lady glares at Tinkletoes.

Pirate watches Writer Lady closely as she moves.  Within seconds he spies  the moonstone earring that matches his own.  “She’s here for me.  The Lady has sent you, hasn’t she?”