The Best Laid Plans

“She has.”

Monitor Man picks himself up, dusts himself off, and reaches the group at the same time Writer Lady dismounts. “Thank you Leitis.” Writer Lady says as she rubs the unicorn’s nose.

Black Buck The Antelope and the silver unicorn appear. The silver unicorn and Leitis greet each other with happy sniffs and nickers.

“Why?” Tinkletoes asks.

“Why what?” Writer Lady asks.

“Why’d she send a female to do a man’s job?”

“Because you’ll screw it up.” Writer Lady answers.

“Screw it up. I never screw things up.” Tinkletoes says.

Writer Lady looks at Tinkletoes.

“Okay. There have been a few bumps in the road.”

She does not change her expression.

“Sometimes things aren't thoroughly planned out.”

She raises an eyebrow.

Tinkletoes coughs.

“I’m sure that this lovely woman….” Black Buck says.

Tinkletoes coughs louder.

“...doesn’t mean it in quite that way.” The antelope offers. “Perhaps Writer Lady has some useful details that The Lady With The Long Golden Hair knew that you would be needing.”

“You have information.” Monitor Man says.

Pirate reaches up to touch the earring that Writer Lady is wearing. His hand stops at the moonstone, gently cradling it with his fingers. “And a most powerful weapon.” He says, looking at each member of the group. “It seems that The Lady With The Long Golden Hair is never without one more bit of magic.” He releases the earring and it falls, swinging a bit before stopping and coming to rest below Writer Lady’s earlobe.

“What was the plan?” She asks.

“I’m distracting the guards.” Tinkletoes says with a grin. “He’s charming the pants off of Lady Gray.” The self-proclaimed mercenary says gesturing towards Monitor Man with a nod of his head.

The actor nods. “I’m supposed to present myself to Lady Gray and ask to borrow Excalibur using my best manners.”

“I’m going to borrow the sword while all other parties are suitably occupied.”

“You were going to steal it.” Writer Lady says looking at Pirate.

“Pi-rate.” The buccaneer says with a grin. “It really is what I’m best at Luv.”

Writer Lady looks at Pirate and thinks for a minute. She reaches out and puts a hand on his shoulder. She looks him in the eyes and says, “I’m sure it is. Believe me when I tell you that I say this with the utmost respect for you and your um...skills. ‘Not today, Luv’.”

“It’s just gonna be a little fire.” Tinkletoes says.

“The Lady With The Long Golden Hair says that such activities could wake something that should not be woken.”

Black Buck The Antelope looks at Tinkletoes and asks, “Where was the fire to be lit?”

“In the back. Behind the ogre barracks.”

Black Buck shakes his head. “The ogres are quite fragrant. The combination of the scent of the fire mixed with the scent of ogre would hunger the Cinn Dhorcha or Dark Ones, waking them from hibernation. They would surely rush the castle killing everything within it.”

“We’ll kill them first.” Tinkletoes looks at Pirate. “Can’t we use that fancy earring weapon to kill ‘em?”

“The moonstone would not work on the Cinn Dhorcha. It’s not that kind of magic.”

“No.” Black Buck says, “No one is quite sure what kind of magic was used to put the Cinn Dhorcha into hibernation. If they were to wake, Faerie would become a very dark place. A very dark place indeed.”

Tinkletoes shakes his head and mutters. “Charming the pants off of a lady is so easy. Classic. It rarely fails.” He looks at Monitor Man. “Sorry Buddy. It looks like you’re gonna have to satisfy your manly desires some other time.”

Monitor Man looks at Writer Lady and says, “I had no interest in doing that.”

A snort and a strange laugh burst forth from Black Buck The Antelope. “I should hope not.”

“What?” Tinkletoes asks.

“How well do you know Lady Gray?” Writer Lady asks.

“Not at all, but I do know enough about her to know that she is not interested in the affections of any human. No matter how handsome or charming. At least not those kinds of affections.”

No one speaks, they wait to hear more.

“She is quite young.”

“Jail bait.” Tinkletoes says.

“Wise.”

“An old soul.” Monitor Man offers.

“She appreciates courage and forthrightness.”

“Honesty.” Writer Lady says. “That’s it! Pirate, you need to go in there and be honest, about everything. Your feelings for The Lady of the Lake, your love of adventure and the sea, and the reason you serve The Lady With The Long Golden Hair. It’s the only chance that you have to procure Excalibur.”

Pirate begins to pale. As much as anyone who is in grayscale can anyway.

Writer Lady continues, “First, we need to find a way to win her favor, get her on your side before you have even spoken. We need an “In.”




 ******************************

“How are a child and a baby dragon going to protect me?” House demands. “How can they keep all of those males from getting in?”

“Dylan and Furnatche will not have to.” The Lady With The Long Golden Hair responds.

House grumbles.

“What I think what The Lady With The Long Golden Hair is trying to say is that jealousy most often manifests itself because there is a threat to the reciprocation of the admirer’s affections. What’s less likely to be a threat to the potential reciprocation of the those admirer’s affections but a small boy and a baby dragon?” Diomedes asks.

“There are so many of them.” House exclaims. “What happens when they all get together and begin pushing against my doors and windows?”

“As long as their numbers remain as they are now I am confident that all will be well until Pirate has returned.” The Lady With The Long Golden Hair answers.

“The only real threat is the giant.” Carp says. The assassin-in-training stands at the picture window and looks at the driveway, then up. He continues to crane his neck. He puts a hand onto the back of it and massages what is currently under strain. “He is a big boy.”

“Mur...” House groans.

“It’s going to be okay.” Mural Man says. “Just relax, it’s going to be okay.”

Carp sees something moving to the left of Gordon. The giant moves, affording him a view of the street that runs adjacent to the house. A mob of men, animals, and magical creatures are all heading straight for Writer Lady’s house. The men who were abandoned at The Lady With The Long Golden Hair’s house have picked up her scent and are following it and picking up more admirers along the way. They fill the street. Men carrying flowers, bouquets of balloons, the odd kitten. One pulls up driving a new convertible. Other men went for other forms of presentation pulling out their best finery. There are several bikers, on their Harleys, shining clean with chrome sparkling. There are cowboys riding their own fine steeds, outlaws with big black hats, some wearing princely finery. One or two brave souls ride in full armor. Knights ready to bow to a great lady. If they can stay on their horses. There are poets, writers, and musicians competing to be heard. 
   A pair of police cars pull up and block the group before they can make the turn on to Writer Lady’s street. 
  "Thank goodness." Carp says.
The mob stops walking and waits as the officers speak to a man at the front who is carrying flowers. He points to the house. The officers nod and smile. They get into their squad cars and begin leading the parade to its destination.

“So much for protecting and serving.” Carp says.