When Changing Houses

“Changes to floor plan will commence in five, four, three, two, one...”

“Again?” Writer Lady stands in the middle of her bathroom wearing her bathrobe and waits for the walls to stop moving. The walls change from a white to a cool mint green color. She looks at the walls and mutters, “I feel like I traveled through time and been dumped in an ice cream parlor. All the room needs now is pink and white stripes.”

In a matter of seconds, accents are changed and Writer Lady finds herself surrounded by pictures and accessories covered in stripes of crisp white and bubble gum pink.

“And the nightmare is complete. Thanks House.”

“You’re welcome.” House responds.

She lets out a sigh and exits the bathroom only to find herself at the end of a long hallway. A hallway that looks like someone poured melted rainbow sherbet all over its walls or a unicorn sneezed all over them. At least there wasn’t any glitter. Not yet anyway. Rainbows and unicorns are usually followed by some sort of glitter.

The hallway narrows and lengthens with every step that she takes. Eventually Writer Lady reaches the final stretch. Spots Wash and Smudge Mal sit at the hallway’s end. The pair of kittens study her closely with a look of focus and determination. Writer Lady recognizes that look. It’s a look of...hunger. She closes her eyes for a moment. When she opens them both cats are at her feet. Each kitten is sitting on his hind legs, looking up at her adoringly, empty bowl in paw.

“Food Provider, we love you. Feed us.” They cry.

“In a minute.” She answers. Writer Lady walks past them and turns right only to find another bathroom, This time, it’s flowery and pink. “Hell no. That is not staying.” To the left is her bedroom. “Finally,” escapes her lips as she enters the room, a pair of hungry kittens in tow. “Give me a second guys. I’ve just showered. Let me get dressed, then I’ll feed you.”

“We’re hungry.” Smudge says.

“We’re starving.” Spots cries.

“We need food now.” Both insist in unison.

“I’ll be right with you kitties.” She responds, removing clothes from the closet and undergarments from a drawer. “This will just take a minute.” Writer Lady is beginning to open her robe when a voice behind her says.

“You’re making them wait?” Tinkletoes asks.

Writer Lady closes her robe and turns to face the self-proclaimed mercenary. Tinkletoes is standing just outside the doorway with his favorite mug in hand.

“Yes. I’m asking them to wait while I get dressed. If you don’t mind.” She gestures for Tinkletoes to turn away and runs into the bedroom closet. “After I get dressed I will take these two into the kitchen and feed them.” She calls as she gets into her clothing.

“Good.” Tinkletoes calls back. “I’ve already been here for an hour and there still isn’t any coffee.”

Writer Lady steps out of the closet in her clothes and looks at Tinkletoes. She looks him over, studying him. “Have you broken both of your hands since you were here last?” She asks.

“No.”

“Then why didn’t you make the coffee?”

“It’s your house. It’s impolite to go mucking around in someone else’s kitchen.”

“Impolite?” Writer Lady questions, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah.” Tinkletoes looks back at Writer Lady. His facial expression changes from one of confidence to one of confusion. He turns to the kittens. “Impolite. That was the right word, wasn’t it?”

Writer Lady clears her throat.

He looks at her again.

“The real reason that there isn’t any coffee made?” She asks.

“I’m the only one here so far. I’m not doing girl stuff.”

Writer Lady gives Tinkletoes a look of disdain. “If you want coffee, what are you doing here in the bedroom?”

“TP said that the kitchen was down this hallway.”

“No, it isn’t. The kitchen was next to the bonus room when I came to bed.”

“It’s not there now.”

“Changes to floor plan will commence in five, four, three, two, one...”

“Kitties!” The kittens run to Writer Lady and she scoops the pair up to safety. They watch as Tinkletoes disappears and the walls begin moving. The bed and dresser are replaced with the refrigerator and the stove. The door to the closet disappears and is replaced with what Writer Lady hopes is her pantry. The walls change from a dark espresso wood paneling to a much lighter pine.

“Okay, it’s a country theme.” Writer Lady mutters. “I might be able to get used to this.”

The windows get bigger and a small greenhouse window is added.

Writer Lady quickly calls out, “House, remember our agreement.”

The greenhouse window disappears to be replaced with a picture of a rooster. The larger windows shrink back to their original size.

Smudge looks up at Writer Lady. “I thought that you said that you wanted one of those.”

“I do but House and I have an agreement that no changes are to be made to her exterior.”

“Why?” Spots asks.

“How do I explain to the neighbors how things like second stories or windows are added without a single workman coming to the house?”

“That would be hard.” Smudge agrees.

The walls have stopped moving and things are no longer appearing or disappearing. Writer Lady finds the cats’ food dishes and quickly fills them.

“Looking good.” Tinkletoes says as he enters. “The new table is really big too, there’s room for everyone. I just passed it.” He continues looking around. “There it is.” He says with a gesture towards the counter closest to the stove. “There’s coffee.” The self-proclaimed mercenary announces as he crosses the room and pours himself a cup.

Writer Lady peruses the new kitchen more closely, “If the kitchen is in here then where’s the bonus room?”

“Maybe House used some of the space for a bigger kitchen.” Tinkletoes offers.

Writer Lady looks up. “The ceiling is higher.”

“Great, isn’t it?” Tinkletoes says. “It’s not so dark now.”

“If the ceiling higher then where is the attic?”

Tinkletoes looks at the new ceiling, “It looks like House got rid of it.”

“I have things stored up there.”

“Not anymore.”

Tinkletoes sips his coffee while Writer Lady fixes her own mug.

“I left prototypes for a new hilt design in the bonus room.”

Writer Lady looks at Tinkletoes with a blank expression.

He puts down his mug and mimics striking down a Sith lord.

“Oh...your toys.”

“Collectibles.”

“Between Ray, Dylan, Furnatche and the kittens being here...I decided to put them somewhere safe. They’re in the attic.”She grins mischievously.

Tinkletoes looks at the ceiling where Writer Lady’s attic used to be. “But the hilts are important. I need those.”

“No attic, no toys. It looks like they’re gone now.” Writer Lady points out. There’s more grinning.

 "Did I ever tell you that you've got a mean streak?"