Three Needs And Two Rules

Lately, I have been pondering many things. These are one of those days that I find myself asking why must I go down this road? Why must I write about this particular subject? The only answer that I have to is because I can my dear hearts, because I can.

Today I’m walking that strange path called contemplating meeting new people. They say that when you are alone you should enjoy it and get to know yourself. Find out who you are, where you’re headed and what you want. My husband died nearly ten years ago, guess what? I’ve had a whole butt load of ‘me’ time. I have gotten to know myself pretty well.

When we’re young and we picture the person that we are going end up with we picture the absolute best that we can imagine. Let’s face it, just a few years earlier we were picturing our weddings and our first cars. They were Porsches and Lamborghinis. Did anyone not picture a sportscar waiting for them when they emerged victorious from the DMV with driver’s license in hand? That’s what kids do. When you’re young you picture the best. The best man or woman is usually brilliant, rich, drop dead gorgeous, and crazy about you. That’s the fantasy.

After you grow up, spend some time in the real world, get an idea of what works for you and what doesn’t...let’s just say your hopes change. It reminds me of a Rolling Stones song, “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need.” I’ve been around long enough to know that sometimes getting what you need can be damn near perfect.

Several months ago, I was able to look at myself, who I am in my life, and what has worked for me in the past relationship wise and what didn’t. I compiled my um...Wish List...for (coughs) a man. I should probably be embarrassed about that but I can’t help thinking if you don’t know what works for you, you aren’t going to recognize when it gets here.

I thought about the simplicity of my list, how clearly it arrives at some solid points, and how men in general might benefit from the information on it. There are jokes all over the Internet about how complicated women are. Boo-hoo. Pay attention gentlemen. Mama’s gonna make your life a whole lot simpler.

I’m taking the gloves off and telling you how it is. (Removes long, white, evening gloves like Cinderella wore to the ball.) Save the princely duds for your anniversary because shit’s about to get real. (Pulls on training gloves.)

I’ll use my list as an example. If anyone likes it they’re welcome to adapt the list to fit their own personal interests.

My list is short, to the point, with one quick jab. There’s always that one quick jab in life that tries to screw up your day. This is no exception.

I have three needs and two rules:

Needs:

1. Laughter (You don’t have to be funny, we have to be able to laugh together).

2. Hugs (There will be other things eventually, hugs have to be available regularly.)

3. To be held when I need to cry.

Rules:

1. SHOW the &*%k up. (Men have trouble with this rule. I’m not sure why.)

If you cannot show up then be available to talk for a minute or to send texts here and there, especially in a crisis. I’m not a big fan of crises; bearing that in mind, I’m not the type of woman who creates them to get attention. (There are lots of other women out there who feel the same way.)

Here’s the quick jab that I warned you about.

2. DON’T be a dick. (There are a large number of things that can fit under this umbrella. This is where it gets challenging. Here are a few pointers.)

If it’s illegal, don’t do it.

If hearing it would hurt your feelings, then don’t say it.

If you think it’s morally questionable, don’t do it.

If your woman is stressed and you have time to help with a chore...do it.

Note: I am not a traditionally religious woman. My spiritual journey is my own. I have no trouble respecting yours. Let’s keep it that way.

It’s the same thing with money. My financial journey is my own as is yours. Any changes to this can be made as needed provided both parties are agreeable.

That’s it! You made it through the list. This is common sense stuff. You can do this.

Bear in mind that just as you have your self-protection mechanisms and red flags that you look for, so do women. We all have them. Some of us more than others.

“Don’t listen to her.” Juju said. “Soulmates don’t exist.”

“Please ignore her.” Zelda said with one of her nicest smiles. “Soulmates do exist.”

“If soulmates do exist then where’s mine?”

“That’s easy.” I answered. “He’s waiting for you to dismiss the queen’s guard, disarm the castle, and lower the drawbridge.” I looked at Jujubee. “Remove the knives from your corset.”

--Excerpt “Not Another Christmas Romance” HR Apostos

*I may have a couple of snipers too. They help me feel safe.

There it is guys, something to help you get started. Follow these two rules and they should get you off to a solid start. The rest is up to you.