A Self-Proclaimed Mercenary And His Cookies

*I created a teeny tiny play this time.

FADE IN.

INT. --Bonus Room

Tinkletoes sits in the bonus room. It is decorated for Christmas. Snow is falling outside.

Dramatic reading of Carp Fisher’s “Tinkletoes’ Christmas Mission.”

Narration by: Someone Really Cool.

Narration begins:

Tinkletoes looked at the list.

He saw the snow falling outside.

Tucking the list into his waist band...

...the self-proclaimed mercenary stood, rising to his full height.

A man on a mission.

He was present.

At the ready...

It was a mission like nothing that had come before.

This soldier was not in pursuit of the enemy, baked goods, lighted sabers...or other sci-fi toys.

(Tinkletoes looks at Narrator) : They’re not toys, they’re collectibles. Would you call a Bergara B-14 a toy?

(TP pops in dressed as Raggedy Ann): Rifles are party favors in Faerie. (giggling)

(Tinkletoes to TP): That doesn’t count.

TP: Does too!

Tinkletoes: Does not!

TP: Does Too!

Tinkletoes: Look, who’s wearin’ the boots here?

The faerie holds up one black booted foot.

Tinkletoes: You may be wearing some kind of boots but I’m the one wearin’ the combat boots and I say it doesn’t!

Narrator (To Tinkletoes): You do realize that you’re arguing with a faerie dressed up as a rag doll, don’t you?

Tinkletoes growls.

Narrator: I’d like to continue if that’s okay. I’m sorry if I upset you. It’s just well...I got excited. The cookies will be coming out of the oven soon.

Tinkletoes: Who’s baking?

Narrator: Aunt Purdy just whipped up some…

Tinkletoes: Without me?

Narrator: She was going to wait but Writer Lady pointed out that with it being December 21^st you might be gone for a while.

Tinkletoes: They’re making cookies? Without me?

Narrator (weakly): She mentioned making more.

Tinkletoes: When I get back?

Narrator: Yeah...um...sure.

Tinkletoes (raises brow): What kind?

Narrator: What?

Tinkletoes: What kind?

Narrator: Your favorite?

Tinkletoes: What’s my favorite?

Narrator: Choc…

Tinkletoes shakes head.

Narrator: Peanut b…

Tinkletoes shakes head.

Narrator: doodles?

Tinkletoes: Chocolate chip. I’m a chip man. But they wouldn’t be making my favorite cookies because it’s Christmas. They’d make those white cookies that get frosted and decorated with sprinkly things.

Narrator (nods): She’s making sugar cookies.

Tinkletoes (paces): They won’t be making more later. They never make more sugar cookies later. There is only one batch of sugar cookies at Christmas and it’s mine!

Narrator: But you’re Tinkletoes. The world famous self-proclaimed mercenary. A man on a mission and a soldier on a Christmas mission cannot give up. He cannot fail! In the name of Christmas the mission must prevail!

Tinkletoes (to Narrator): You’re right!

The self-proclaimed mercenary turns towards the kitchen.

Tinkletoes: It appears that my mission has changed.

FADE OUT.