The Re-Write

 

“O...kay.”

Tinkletoes stirs at the sound of Carp’s voice. “Done?” He asks.

“Yes. This is terrible by the way.” Carp says as he reaches out and grabs a stack of pages from the printer. He hands them to Tinkletoes/John who begins reading.

“An explosion right away. Nice work.”

“Keep going.”

Tinkletoes/John keeps reading. “Good. Good. Have you thought about using a flamethrower on page six? It would be more visually interesting than your everyday tank fire.”

“This isn’t a movie.” Carp counters.

“But John Wick is. This might be in a movie some day. Burning fires all over the landscape makes it more interesting. Besides don’t the people who read this shit picture it in their heads, you know, when they’re reading?”

Carp nods grudgingly.

“Then let’s use flamethrowers.”

Carp waits for Tinkletoes/John to get to page seven. “How will the building Francesca has taken shelter in collapse then genius?”

“It catches fire.”

“It the building collapses while on fire your precious girlfriend is dead. You’ll never get any.”

“Oh.”

“She also gets grazed by a bullet. Nothing dangerous, just bloody enough that she has to remove her blouse. How is she going to get shot if none of the bad guys have a gun? If she doesn’t get shot how are you going to get a peek at the girls?”

Tinkletoes/John shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “I don’t know.” He thinks for a bit. “We’ll have both. Let’s write in flamethrowers. Three or four guys can keep their guns.” He continues reading. “This is good.” He moves on to the next page and frowns, “You shot me. Things were just starting to get good and you shot me. She’s gone.”

“Francesca thinks you’re dead. You handed her the missile codes before you entered the abandoned military base, it’s the only way to finish things. She’s taking out The Big Guy In Charge in your memory.”

Tinkletoes/John does not look happy.

Carp rolls his eyes. “Keep reading.”

“I get up.” He smiles. “And kick butt.”

“You are alive and kicking the bad guy’s butts when any other man would be dead.”

“I am a bad ass.”

“A total bad ass.” Carp agrees.

Tinkletoes/John continues to read when he reaches the top of the final page his face falls. “Francesca’s dead.” He looks at Carp. “You killed her?”

“Yes. Sadly John Wick is alone again.”

Tinkletoes/John shakes his head in disbelief.

“You played a little tonsil tag and saw boobies there really wasn’t time for anything else.”

“I can’t believe you killed her. She was so smart and beautiful. What a waste.”

“Look at it this way The Big Guy In Charge is dead and the Bowery King just got one helluva promotion. There’s a good chance y’all are going to Applebees.® Eventually. As soon as you get back to the U.S. If they let you back in.”

“The restaurants are also in other countries.” Tinkletoes/John points out. He looks at his re-write mournfully.

Carp turns everything off and crosses the room. The assassin-in-training looks at Tinkletoes/John places a hand on his shoulder and says, “It’s an action movie franchise. You’re the hero. The hero never gets to keep the girl. He may get some…”

Four year old Dylan stops in front of the room’s open door to listen.

“get some special attention from his lady friend.”

The child continues walking.

“He never gets to keep the girl. It’s the law of the west.”

Tinkletoes/John makes a face.

“Okay...the rule of action movies. Face it action movies are just westerns with more elaborate settings and better toys.”

Tinkletoes/John begins to argue.

Carp puts a finger to his own lips in a ‘Shh…’ gesture. “No John. It’s better this way.”

Tinkletoes/John looks at the pages in his hands. “For whom?”

Carp quietly coaxes Tinkletoes/John up and out of the room. When the door closes behind them Carp calls out, “Thank you House.”

“Any time Carp. Any time.” House responds cheerfully.

The door disappears and is replaced with a wall. A framed painting of a bluebird is the only indication anything but a wall had been there before.

Tinkletoes/John stops walking and looks at Carp. “I don’t have to tell her, do I? You know, what happens?”

“No Sweetie you don’t.”

Storm clouds cross the self-proclaimed mercenary’s face.

“I broke the ‘No Terms of Endearment Rule’ didn’t I?” Carp continues. “Terms of endearment are for girls.” He quoted. “It won’t happen again.”

Tinkletoes/John nods. The pair return to High Command. Carp is relieved to find that Francesca is not in the room when they arrive.

Writer Lady turns to face them. “Done?” She asks.

A shell shocked self-proclaimed mercenary surrenders the pages, both men stand and wait while she reads.

“Hmm.” Writer Lady says. “I never would have thought of taking that route through the Middle East or using flamethrowers.” She looks at them. “They're dramatic but I don’t like the idea of unnecessary damage to property.” She looks at Carp. “Why break something just because you can? It doesn’t make any sense.”

He nods.

“It’s actually not too bad. But Francesca dies. I was planning on using her in more than one story. This is set somewhere along the John Wick 4 timeline. Since I have decided to use her for more than one story and four will probably be the end of John Wick’s story, if we did use it where would Francesca be?”

“Dead.” Tinkletoes/John mutters.”She’d be dead.” The self-proclaimed mercenary clenches his jaw, his head hanging a little further.

“So where is Cruella De Kill?” Carp asks.

“Shopping. She was in the market for some new blades and I was sure that you two would be a while.”

“So um...what are we going to do your story or mine?” Tinkletoes/John asks.

“Neither.” Writer Lady says turning back to her monitor.

“What?” Tinkletoes/John asks.

“Neither. Francesca asked me what my plans were for her character. I told her. She nodded a lot…”

“And?”

“She didn’t like some of it. She said that she would be happy to return when I got my story together. Then she left.”

“Your first runner.” Carp gushes hugging Writer Lady from behind. “And to think I can say that I knew you when. So what are you working on now?”

“Mini Micro Fiction for toddlers. There are pixies.”

“Pixies. Pixies are fun.” Carp responds.

Tinkletoes thinks about what has happened. The self-proclaimed mercenary grins as he exits High Command.

“Where are you going?” Writer Lady calls.

“Shopping.” Tinkletoes answers. He turns to face Writer Lady from the other side of the entry, removing his “girl” wig. “This was a delay tactic. She wants me.” He responds continuing his new mission.

“Seriously?” Writer Lady asks looking at Carp.

“Oh my goodness.” Carp mutters. “Someone is in for a surprise.”