“Make it quick. Daylight’s a burnin’.” Tinkletoes says. The self-proclaimed mercenary stands over the pair. “What color says ‘I have a mean streak?”
Writer Lady turns to glare at Tinkletoes then returns her attention to the monitor.
“I know, a cactus. Use a picture of a cactus.” He says.
Carp begins to replace the main picture with one of a saguaro cactus, realizes what he is doing and reverts back to the prior format.
“Really?” Writer Lady says looking at Carp.
“I wasn’t thinking , I heard a word and immediately pulled up a picture.” Carp responds. “It was not conscious.”
“So subconsciously you see me as a cactus?”
“No, not always.”
The corners of Tinkletoes’ mouth turns up in a smile.
“Words that describe you…” Carp says.
“Mouthy.” Tinkletoes says.
“Knows her own mind.” Carp says.
“Gets in the way.” Tinkletoes describes.
“Focused.” The assassin-in-training counters.
“On getting in my way.”
“It’s my house.”
“I am my own woman thank you very much.” House announces.
Writer Lady looks at the ceiling. “Yes, I know House but my name is on the deed and as long as it is it keeps one addlebrained…” she looks Tinkletoes up and down, “...disaster waiting to happen from doing something stupid.”
“When have I ever done anything stupid?”
Writer Lady calls, “TP.” She snaps her fingers and a scroll appears in her hand. She unrolls the scroll and begins reading.
“Setting out to destroy a kitchen appliance and attempting to accost the home’s occupant.”
“I was told it an invasion of aliens from outer space, I was protecting you.”
“Ruining my Christmas tree.”
“We were fixing the lights.”
“My window being destroyed by a tack button.”
“That was Dobby.”
“You destroyed my shed.” Writer Lady said.
“Mr. Donut fired the offending rounds.”
“With your semi-automatic machine gun doo hickey.” She argues.
“It's an Uzi.”
“Specially modified to fire more bullets more quickly. Why does anyone need something like that around here? What were you doing, shooting renegade squirrels?”
“Squirrels are vermin in some instances.” Tinkletoes counters.
Writer Lady rolls the parchment up as she speaks, “Call it whatever you want soldier boy,” she raises her hand and begins smacking him with the parchment as she continues, “you do stupid things and it’s wrong and that’s how you turned me into a cactus!”
Tinkletoes looks at Carp. “She admitted it. She’s a cactus.”
Writer Lady looks at TP, “Will you hurt him now? I would like it so much if you would hurt him. Now.”
Tinkletoes finds an open door jamb and leans against it. “He won’t hurt me. It’s against the code.”
“Code?”
“The Man Code.”
“You are not a man.”
“That’s a matter of opinion.”
“He’s a magical creature. A faerie. The man code does not apply.”
Tinkletoes approaches Writer Lady’s chair, he bends over and leans in, “The man code is an unspoken agreement between two men. Whether rules of species apply are up to the two individuals within that agreement. You being a woman, I wouldn’t expect you to know about that little detail.”
“Oh, the man card and the woman card all in the same paragraph.” Writer Lady says, “You must be so proud.”
“That hurt.” Tinkletoes says.
“Really?”
“Not the words. The scroll.” The self-proclaimed mercenary straightens himself and looks at the end of his index finger, “I might have a paper cut.” Tinkletoes looks at Carp. “This woman is vicious. Is there a persona called “Destined To Become A Serial Killer?”
“Says the man who lives to kill things.”
“I do not live to kill things. I am on a quest to rid the Earth of ninja-zombies and space aliens. I am specific, very specific.”
Carp turns to Tinkletoes. “Give it up, Writer Lady is not dangerous.”
The self-proclaimed mercenary holds up his paper cut.
“I have never been injured by Writer Lady.”
“Neither have I.” Dylan says as he enters the room.
“Nor I.” Paige chimes in.
“Me either.” Peter agrees.
“Writer Lady isn’t mean like that.” Ray says.
“She is always a lady.” Diomedes adds.
“I agree.” Aunt Purdy says as she enters.
“A kind woman.” Mural Man says.
“She’s never hurt me.” House announces.
Furnatche, runs in with Dobby, Spots, and Smudge following close behind. The baby dragon jumps into Writer Lady's lap eager for attention.
Damon The Demon’s shadow fills the entry, the word “Good,” rumbles through the room.
“It’s just me?” Tinkletoes asks.
“Just you.”
“Hmm,” is the self-proclaimed mercenary’s only response. He thinks for a minute, looks at Writer Lady then back at Carp. “What can I do to change that?”
“You can start by talking to me instead of about me to other people.”
“Okay what?”
“You could help us find a solution without being a smart ass about it. That would be a good start.”
“Can we help too?” Dylan asks.
Writer Lady looks at the young boy, her eyes soften. “It’s pretty complicated but yes you can help.”
Carp looks at the rest of the group. “Writer Lady is working on making some changes to her website to try and get more visitors to her online accounts. I suggested we focus on her persona, a persona is how she wants to be seen online. For example, does she want to be seen as an exciting woman who always has amazing adventure stories to share or a beautiful woman who everyone loves and admires, a good friend to all or a mentor who teaches others how to be as amazing as she is. Something like that. What I need everyone to do is think about where their favorite places are to go online and who they find the most interesting. Look at Writer Lady and tell us what might draw more readers to her books.”
“I look at bright vibrant things. Things that show lots of imagination. Writer Lady has lots of imagination.” Aunt Purdy says. “All you have to do is look around this room to see that.”
“I see soldier men and gamers and kitties and dragons and a demon and a faerie and a house and…” Dylan says.
“Don’t forget Pirate and The Lady With The Long Golden Hair,” she has all kinds of magic.
“I like comedies.” House announces. “Nothing is funnier than the missing link.”
Tinkletoes waves at the ceiling, “Always nice to be acknowledged House.”
“Funny.” Damon says.
Dylan finds his way onto Writer Lady’s lap, the boy scoops the baby dragon into his arms cuddling it close. “I just like a good story. I know when I see Writer Lady I'll hear one.”
“How about Story Teller?” Dylan’s older brother Peter asks.
“Story telling encompasses, short stories, novels, television, film, streaming, poetry, and song. Even some columns.” Paige, Peter's twin sister points out. “Anything that can be written down is a story waiting to be told.”
“You do have a knack for that Mom.” Dobby Cat says.
Writer Lady looks at Carp. “Will story teller work?”
The retired romance novelist and assassin-in-training responds, “It’s you, we’re going to make it work.” Carp returns to the web page and makes a few adjustments. The words WRITER LADY: A STORYTELLER LIKE NO OTHER appear across the top of the screen.
"Are we done?" Tinkletoes asks.
"Done." Writer Lady answers.
"It's about time."