Sunday, April 30, 2023

Exploring The Farm With A Hound Dog As Your Guide

 

TP points his stick at the screen door. It opens wide. Accepting the universal sign for “Let’s Play,” the hound dog runs over the threshold, crosses the small porch, and jumps over the steps skipping them completely. Landing on the grass she takes off at full throttle. Veering to the right she runs across the gravel drive stopping under a tree in front of the house.

“Whoa...whoa…” the faerie calls hanging on to the ends of the hound’s ears. TP’s body is stretched out full length like a water skier who’s lost his skis. TP lets go when the hound comes to a sudden and abrupt halt. His furry guide lays down oblivious to her responsibilities.

TP studies her for a moment. He flutters down, picks up an ear and tugs. “Come on doggy, time to go.”

The dog ignores him. She closes her eyes, turns her face to the sun and opens her mouth, her tongue rolls out to rest across the edge of her open mouth.

TP flies around to her eye and knocks on her forehead. The eye opens. He points to himself. “TP great explorer. You, my lady, are my trusted guide.”

The bloodhound mix looks at the faerie. Her tongue reaches up, she wipes down the faerie with doggy slobbers in acknowledgment.

Retrieving a kerchief from his pocket the faerie wipes down his face. “Farms are messy.” He looks back into the eye. “Exploring is fun. Don’t you want to play?” He asks.

Something rustles in the bush behind them. The faerie hears a rush of paws on the ground and flies up across the grass, then along a porch, stopping at the opposite edge of it well out of the feline’s reach. He looks down at a white cat with black and brown spots. “No touchy touchy. Bad kitty.”

The cat studies the faerie. She sits down in front of him to patiently await her next opportunity. A second cat wanders into the yard. It stops to wash its back leg a few feet from the dog who rolls on to her stomach then takes off after it, chasing both cats away from TP and the house.

“Belle!”

TP hears someone calling.

“Belle.” A few seconds later the call is repeated. “Belle!”

The yard grows quiet.

The dog returns just as TP is settling himself on the header of the porch next to an abandoned nest to have a think. Faeries tend to act quickly, relying on instinct, thinking is unusual for them. Faeries must take great care when doing so.

The hound looks up at the faerie, she barks joyfully.

TP floats down and looks at his less than reliable guide. “Ready to go now?” He asks.

“Woof!”

TP looks at the dog’s smile, her lolling tongue and wagging tail. He hears an engine rumble, it grows louder then grows more quiet, three sets of hooves gallop nearby, a strange clackety clacking noise can be heard coming from further away. Somewhere in between is the sound of shots being fired. TP wonders if Tinkletoes followed Writer Lady out to the country and has gotten himself lost. The faerie closes his eyes and uses his energy to search for traces of Faerie hidden deep within the self-proclaimed mercenary’s bloodline but feels nothing.

The sound of the rumbling engine travels further away. The faerie hears a voice call out, “Wait. Wait. Stop!” Both TP and the dog look in the direction of the sound then look at each other.

“Belle? Belle!”

The yard falls silent.

“Where is that dog when I need her? Belle come chase these cats out of the orchard!”
“Belle.” TP says looking at the hound dog. “Is that what they call you?”

“Woof.”

“It seems you are being paged good lady, called to the exact place TP wants to be.” The faerie takes a seat on the dog’s collar. Taking hold of the tips of her ears, TP calls, “To the orchard. Tallyho!”

“Woof!”

Belle takes off, turning right to circle back in the opposite direction. The dog runs straight into an empty field.

TP hangs on with both hands as his legs stretch out behind him. Belle’s shoulders rise and fall as the dog runs over the uneven ground bouncing the faerie up and down against her back.

“My…my...la-dy...slow...down.”

Belle keeps running. Eyes wide, tongue lolling. She smells something and slows down stopping to sniff the ground.

TP hangs on to one ear with both hands. He breathes a sigh of relief as he hangs over the ground watching the dog sniff.

Belle continues her trek moving at a slower pace, TP’s body bouncing against her, the dog increases speed when she catches a scent then stops to investigate the scent.

“TP said, ‘Orchard.’ This doesn’t look like an or-chard.” The faerie sings.

Belle runs into a stand of trees, startling a wild turkey. The bird takes off flying in a low crooked path as she barks after it.

“You did all that work to scare an ugly bird?” TP asks.

“Woof!”

“TP will send Belle an ogre to chase. Ogres are uglier but way more interesting.”

“Woof! Woof!”

Seeing an orchard was more of a challenge than the faerie anticipated. Using the ear as a safety rope, the faerie climbs the dog’s body and settles himself back on to her collar. Belle liked finding things, perhaps an orchard is too big. The faerie decided to simplify it. “Can you find Writer Lady?”

The dog did not answer, she just ran in the direction of the house with a winded faerie bouncing against her collar. Seeing Writer Lady’s car in the drive, TP let go, flying alongside the farm dog. Belle ran directly to Writer Lady without stopping who greets her, giving the dog a hug and a treat.

“Here she is. Good girl.”

Thunder rolls in the distance as the sky grows dark above.

“You’d better get going. This storm is going to hit any minute.” Writer Lady's mother says.

Writer Lady nods.

TP flies into her bag as she unlocks the car.



TP is still dry when he and Writer Lady cross House’s threshold. Blowing rain has coated Writer Lady’s hair and clothes with water. She tiptoes through the kitchen only to be stopped in the living room.

Tinkletoes looks at Writer Lady as he pauses his game controller, “What’s going on? Is it rainin’ or something?”

“Why are you playing games in here? There’s a huge set up in Dobby’s room.”

“You weren’t here. We thought it would be fun to go old school.”

Writer Lady continues to her bedroom, tripping on a cord, she rights herself before she can fall. “How thoughtful of you.”

“Yep.”

Writer Lady enters the hallway off of the living room grumbling.

TP pops into the living room as she exits it.

Tinkletoes turns to TP, “So what’s out there? What did you see?”

“A house, trees, a yard. Animals. A dog named Belle.”

“Was there any funny stuff going on?”

TP looks at Tinkletoes and shakes his head.

“Were there any, you know, men?"

The faerie shakes his head.

Tinkletoes lowers his voice, "Monitor Man?"

 Writer Lady’s voice calls from the other side of House. “Monitor Man is not here! Let that shit go!”

“How does she did she do that?”

“You have a really big mouth!”

“She just rolled her eyes didn’t she?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” House teases.

TP mutters, "Humans."

Dylan looks at TP, "Grown-ups are exhausting. Wanna play?"

Saturday, April 15, 2023

TP'S SECRET MISSION

 

“You can’t go to your mom’s today.” Tinkletoes says. He watches as Writer Lady assembles a box of freshly baked triple chocolate cupcakes decorated with dark chocolate frosting and miniature bunny sprinkles.

“Yes I can.” Writer Lady responds. “It’s spring. There's a lot of work on the farm this time of year. She needs help. Why wouldn’t I go?” She asks.

“Because it’s spring here too. It’s busy and I…” the self-proclaimed mercenary says as he gestures to Carp, Ray, Diomedes etc… “...we have a lot going on. There won’t be anything for us to eat.”

“Aunt Purdy has taken charge of the kitchen today. You’ll be well fed.”

He shifts his stance before making another attempt at getting custody of the cupcakes. “You’re always going out there on the weekends, holidays too. It’s not very nice the way you keep leaving your cats here.”

Writer Lady gestures to the crowded living room, “There's work that needs to be done at the farm. Even if that wasn’t the case if you take into consideration the fact that many of my friends are not of this dimension, I can’t exactly invite my mother here. If she were to see Furnatche, Diomedes or Daemon...Mom would, well, it wouldn’t be a good thing.” She shakes her head. “Besides, Dobby and I have an agreement. We have cuddle time when I get home and he doesn’t have to go to Grandma’s. Dobby and the kittens don’t like road trips.”

“What about? Maybe someone else would like to go with you.”

Writer Lady looks around the house. Everyone is rifling through snacks or playing video games. The sound of cabinets opening and closing can be heard as Aunt Purdy works in the kitchen. Writer Lady hears Paige remind Ray, yet again, that when he’s eaten all the cheese puffs there are no more until someone goes to the store and he should pace himself. “Like who?”

“Like, well, I don’t know...me.” Tinkletoes responds.

Writer Lady shakes her head. “After The Ninja-Zombie War we set up rules regarding your presence in my life. What’s the first rule?’

“Something dumb like I’m never to be seen in public with you.”

“It sounds dumb to you. There’s a reason I made that rule. I made that rule because you make messes. You not only break things, you destroy them. This is a small town, if we’re together when you make a big mess or destroy something people assume that I participated as well or worse...that we’re a couple." Writer Lady thinks for a minute, "Why would you want to go with me, I thought you had plans, maneuvers or war games or whatever it is that you do.”

“Our outdoor survival weekend had to be canceled. Too much rain. Everything’s turned to mud. There’s nothing solid to pitch a tent to. If I go out to the farm with you I could do some scouting in new territory. Show Carp a thing or two.”

“No.”

Tinkletoes opens his mouth.

“No.” Writer Lady repeats before she leaves the room.

“I don’t understand what the big deal is.”


“You don’t understand why she won’t be seen with you?” Carp asks.

Tinkletoes looks at Carp. “No. What’s her problem?”

“Well, you’re loud, obnoxious, selfish, uncouth. When you aren’t acting that way you break stuff.”

“Do not.”

“Correction. You blow things up. When you aren’t blowing things up you make a mess.”

“Name one time.” Tinkletoes says, challenging the assassin-in-training.

“The time her sheds were shot apart.”

“That wasn’t me. It was the old man.”

“Who invited him over to do MAN things?” Carp asked.

“That might have been a little bit me.”

“Who used her unmentionables for homemade experiments?”

“That was a while ago and I replaced them.”

“Going to the store and crying in the feminine napkins aisle because you find it confusing until you’re escorted from the store doesn’t count.”

“I’m a guy! It's confusing!”

“The Ninja-Zombie War.” Carp says looking at Tinkletoes with a raised brow.

“We won that.”

“You let thousands of Ninja-Zombies into the main hall of the convention center when there were only two people to defend it. Writer Lady and Monitor Man were nearly killed.”

“We won that. They didn’t die because I showed up with reinforcements...and explosives.”

“They had a solid plan before you got there.”

Tinkletoes’ eyes grow dark. His jaw tightens. “Monitor Man started it. If that pretty boy hadn’t of pissed off the ninja-zombies and gotten himself kidnapped none of it would have happened.”

Carp rolls his eyes. “You're a big obnoxious gorilla who throws food at people and wonders why they don’t stop at his enclosure to say hello.”

“Poop.” Writer Lady says as she walks through the room. “He’s like a gorilla who throws his poop.” She picks up her bag, then her tote, followed by the box of cupcakes. “I’m going. Have a nice day. See you tonight.”

Ray stops her on her way through the kitchen, “Dude...can you pick up some cheese puffs on the way home?” He asks.

“The store is closed today. We can pick some more up tomorrow.”

Ray nods.

“She keeps too many secrets.” Tinkletoes says as he watches Writer Lady and Ray’s exchange.

Carp rolls his eyes, “She does not keep secrets. She just knows better than to include you.”

The self-proclaimed mercenary watches as Writer Lady gets closer and closer to the door. Tinkletoes looks at TP then jerks his head in Writer Lady’s direction. The faerie nods. A giggle escapes as he disappears. Within seconds there is a faerie sized lump in Writer Lady’s tote bag. TP’s head slowly rises over the bag’s edge. He waves good-bye to Tinkletoes and Carp as Writer Lady walks out the door.



Writer Lady and Dobby Cat’s Grandma’s voices fade as they go outside to do things in something called an orchard. Her tote is left hanging on a hook just inside the door. TP can still smell the cupcakes that have been left sitting on a shelf above him.

“New place, sights and smells. Cupcakes right where TP can get them. Silly human.” TP is deciding whether discovering what an orchard is like or if eating a cupcake is a better option when he hears the sound of something moving from deeper inside the house. The sound grows louder. He flies up and peers over the edge of the bag. He discovers a large wet nose on the other side of it. TP looks down a reddish-brown snout attached to the large nose and find’s the animal’s eyes.

“Canis lupus familiaris, dog...bloodhound mix, female.” The faerie whispers. “Hello canine. I’m TP. I’ll be happy to be your friend if you show me everything. Understand?”

The reddish-brown dog with large floppy ears responds with an enthusiastic “Woof!”

TP floats above the dog, spinning in the air above her, he changes into a pair of close fitting khaki pants, a matching safari shirt and a safari vest. A Stetson safari hat and heavy boots complete the ensemble. TP floats down to sit behind the dog’s head. A faerie size walking stick appears in TP’s left hand, pointing it towards the door leading outside he calls, “Let us go forth into the orchard. Forward my good lady!”


Ancient Writings and Keyholes

  “ What language am I looking at that of the elves or that of Faerie?” Writer Lady asks. “ That is the precise question wh...