Stuck In The Fog With A Self -Proclaimed Mercenary

 

Writer Lady stirs when a strange sound invades her sleeping space. Deciding she doesn't want to know what it is she pulls the blankets over her head and turns away from the invader.

“Ssst.”

The sound repeats. She ignores it and hopes it will go away.

“Pssst.”

Clearly it hasn't gone away.

“Psssst!”

Writer Lady pushes the blankets down. “What!”

“Can I come in?”

Tinkletoes, of course who else would it be?

“Come in.” Reaching over, Writer Lady checks the time on her phone then turns on a light. By the time her eyes adjust Tinkletoes is standing over her. All mixed camo, combat booted, 6 feet 2 inches of him. The self-proclaimed mercenary is awake, dressed, and armed. “What's with the rifle?” She asks, pointing to the harness strapped across his torso.

“Well, I wanted to let you know that an invasion is coming so if you hear any banging, fighting, gunshots, or grenades going off it’s just me being my usual heroic self.”

Writer Lady looks at Tinkletoes, taking a moment to think before she answers. “Try to keep it away from the bedroom windows. I'm sleeping.” She begins to settle back down into the blankets and reaches out to turn off the light.

Tinkletoes coughs.

“And?”

“Is there any coffee?” He asks. “I got a thermos.”

“The coffee pot is all set up just press the button.”

“If you could please do it because pressing the button didn't work the last time.” Tinkletoes says.

“That was because the coffee maker wasn't plugged in. It's plugged in now.”

“Good.” He says, looking around. He turns his gaze back to Writer Lady, “If you don't see me after this remember I died doing what I loved. Thanks for everything, it was nice spending time with you.”

“Yeah. You too.” Writer Lady says as she turns off the light.

*****Thirty Minutes Later*****

“What?” Writer Lady says as she sits up in bed. “What was he talking about?” She asks. She listens to the sound of her sleeping household. “Invasions are noisy. I hear nothing!” Writer Lady throws back the blankets and climbs out of bed. “If I'm getting out of bed in the middle of the night again without a damn good reason there's going to be an invasion all over his head that he never sees coming.” She says as she puts on a robe and slippers. “Where does he get this crap?” Writer Lady stomps through the house, opens the carport door and sees nothing but fog. She goes back into the house for more appropriate footwear before setting out to find Tinkletoes. She finds him standing in her carport right between her car and her mail slot. He stands with his back to her. Writer Lady reaches up and taps him on the shoulder. Before Writer Lady realizes what's happened she's been pinned to the outside of her house and has a knife blade pressed against her jaw. The self-proclaimed mercenary is shining a bright light in her eyes.

“I've been waiting for you space alien.” Tinkletoes says.

“It's me. Writer Lady. I have a question.”

“How do I know you’re not a space alien? How do I know you ain't impersonating her?” He asks.

“You spend your most of your money on weapons and ammo, you're a card carrying member of Browncoats: Brothers Forever. You love dark chocolate mint cupcakes with salted caramel and bacon frosting with extra bacon on top and you have been known to trade doubles of any collectible item for Comic-Con tickets.”

“That’s all true but what does TP say about me?”

Writer Lady’s breath quickens as she fights an urge to panic. She doesn't know how to answer.

“What does TP say?” Tinkletoes asks a second time.

“You taught him how to help you cheat at Halo and when you win you gloat even though you know you cheated.”

Tinkletoes lowers his blade. “Good answer,” he says. “What did you want to know?”

“What was all that crap you said earlier about? All that talk about if I die it was nice spending time with you?” 

 Tinkletoes looks around to ensure no one is listening.

  It's 3:00 a.m., no one is listening.

“We're being invaded.”

“By whom?” Writer Lady asks.

“I was hoping for space aliens but the enemy has yet to show themselves so I'm not sure yet.”

Writer Lady expels the air in her lungs in an attempt to dissipate the need to yell and wake the entire neighborhood. What she needs to do now is question his logic inspiring her to pause. Writer Lady finds herself questioning whether logic exists in Tinkletoes’ world. “How do you know there's going to be an invasion?” She asks. “Did someone send an announcement? Has another community been invaded?”

Tinkletoes steps past her as he moves to the opposite edge of the carport. The self-proclaimed mercenary looks out in the direction of the street in front of them. “You ever see fog this thick before?” he asks.

“No, not around here.”

“That's because fog this thick isn't natural, it's not normal.” The self-proclaimed mercenary gestures to the fog. “I know there's going to be an invasion because of the fog. It's their announcement. We're coming. Get ready. It's why I'm out here at 3:00 a.m. fully armed. Whoever invades will not take this house.” Tinkletoes turns to look at Writer Lady. “You best head inside now.”

Suppressing an urge to roll her eyes into next week, Writer Lady nods solemnly and quietly goes back inside; she manages to make it into the kitchen before she bursts into a fit of laughter.