Colds And Other Things

Dobby comes into the den to see what Mom has for lunch. It's in a bowl. There might be milk or cheese in his future.

“Hi handsome. How's my kitty?” Mom greets Dobby from her seat at the computer. Dobby casually walks under the table to get a sniff of what's in the bowl. Mom watches Dobby attempt to figure out what's in the bowl.

“It's nothing special Dobby. Just some vegetable soup. Mom has a cold.”

Dobby looks closely at Mom. “You're sick? That's why you have spent so much time at home? I thought you missed me.” Dobby glares at Mom. “You have been running around kissing strange men again haven't you?”

“No I haven't.”

“Yes you have.”

“No, I haven't”

“Are you sure?”

Mom looks at the ceiling, holds up both hands and starts moving her fingers like she is trying to count. “Of course I'm sure! Trust me I've learned my lessons. I showed my interest in one and if he even knew I existed, then he kept hiding behind rocks and things until I left. I haven't put myself out there again. I'm not planning on it either.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, why.”

“I have some shopping I'd like to do.”

“What? You run through my credit card already?”

Dobby looks down at the floor.

“No...”

Dobby doesn't move a muscle.

“Dobby, how could you?”

“See you get on the Internet, and go to a store see something you like and tap one button that says, “Put in Basket” they send you way cool stuff.”

“There was no limit on that card.”

Dobby looks up thinking, “The email said that in your case they were making a special exception. Because no one buys that much catnip unless they are up to something. There was something about the stores putting your name on a list so you can't buy anymore catnip.”

“Why are you buying so much catnip?”

“You see Mom, on those nights you work late...I have been having parties. So I can meet girls. I discovered quite accidentally that female cats love catnip.”

“Really? How much do they love catnip?”

Dobby leaves the den and returns wearing a lab coat, glasses and holding a graph. He sets the graph down on the blanket chest in front of Mom. “ (Cough...cough) My observations have shown that the female cat of the feline species will do just about anything for some um...catnip.”

Mom leans forward to look at the chart. Mom's mouth opens in shock, closes and opens again. “They will even wrestle? But I thought cats hated water.”

“Mom, according to the ladies, Jell-o is not water.”

Mom sits back in shock and covers her face with her hands.

Dobby climbs up on the chair and rubs her shoulder with his head, gently purring.

“It's okay Mom. I finished my project. All you have to do now is pay the credit card bill.”

Mom starts crying.