“If it ain't obvious what has set
me off to-day.” Mom screeches into the pen. “It's all over the
yard and the trunk of the car.”
Dobby comes into the den. His face
is scrunched into an unhappy expression. “Mom? Mom? Mom...”
Mom turns to Dobby and continues to
sing. “It's all over the yard and the trunk of the car. I'm
packing it in. So come and get it!”
Dobby nip at Mom's elbow, the
sensitive and pointy end.
“Ouch, that hurts.” Mom says.
“Now you know how it feels.”
“What?”
“The pain in my ears when you
sing.” Dobby says.
“It's not that bad.” Mom says.
“It's that
bad.”
“You
are a cat. It doesn't sound very good to you. I'm just projecting
too loud.”
“Noises
are coming out of your mouth, that's the problem.”
“It's
not like I'm auditioning for a Broadway show. I'm just singing for
fun. It's good for you.”
Dobby
looks up from his cricket. “Trust me Mom, those noises you are
making are not good
for me.”
“I
didn't say they were good for you.” Mom answers. “They are good
for me. Singing helps a person's mood lighten. Reduces stress,
lowers blood pressure.”
“I
don't know how creating those noises is doing anything but tearing
the crap out of your insides.”
“Okay
I got the message I can't sing. I acknowledged that over twenty
years ago. Recently I established a new goal for myself.”
Dobby
asks, “What is that?”
“To
be the world's worst singer.” Mom answers with a big grin.
Dobby
closes his eyes and thinks for a minute.
"I really feel like I'm on my way to something big. That man I was talking to today said my voice was unbelievable."
"Mom, he was trying to sell you Internet service. I've seen him around the neighborhood. Did he ask if you had ever considered modeling too?"
"Yes. It's always nice to hear something like that especially on a bad hair day."
"He told the woman next door that. The sparkling, happy man across the street that and the old lady down the street."
Mom lets out a brief sigh of disappointment. She thinks about the tidbit of reality Dobby has introduced to her, processes it and adapts. "So, if I know I can't sing, you are the only one saying my singing is horrifying I know exactly what I need to do."
"You do?" Dobby asks.
"Yes. Keep practicing until the world recognizes my complete lack of talent. What should I sing next? I feel like some...Gretchen Wilson."
"I'm a redneck woman...ain't no high class broad...just a product of my raisin' I say 'hey y’all and yeehaw'..." Mom belts out, screeching through several keys.
Dobby leaves the den quickly, shaking his head on his way out of the room. "Where did I go wrong?" he mutters as goes to find some ear plugs.
Dobby leaves the den quickly, shaking his head on his way out of the room. "Where did I go wrong?" he mutters as goes to find some ear plugs.
2 comments:
Interesting. And funny.
Thanks. :)
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