General Tampon Takes Over

Tinkletoes looks at Mom. Sitting up, he slowly scoots himself across the floor putting his back against the open door and the wall.

“Isn't sitting that way uncomfortable?” Tinkletoes looks at Mom questioningly. “Half of your back is against the door, the other half is against the wall and the corner of the door's edge pressing against your spine.”

“No. I'm starting to feel better now.”

“There is a little more color to your face. You were so pale before, I thought you were going to pass out. Do you need another ice pack for your um...” Mom asks gesturing in the general direction of Tinkletoes' crotch.

“No this one is still working.” Tinkletoes answers putting the bag of frozen peas closer to his body and tightening his grip on the bag not willing to lose his new best friend so soon.

Dobby returns to the computer room standing tall and walking on his hind legs. He is wearing an army helmet and a small trumpet around his neck. He walks purposefully into the room with his head held high and narrowly misses stepping on Tinkletoes' injured scrotum. The ginger tabby stands squarely in front of Mom and blows his horn. “Atten--tion! Security Meeting March 2013 shall commence forth-with! Please rise to welcome General Tam-pon!”

TP stands in the entry way to the computer room. The faerie is wearing a vintage service field uniform in light khaki. He has a holstered gun on his left hip and a pair of binoculars around his neck. TP also has a heavy army helmet on his head. There are three stars affixed to the front of it. The faerie also happens to be floating at the top of the doorway looking down at everyone else in the room.

“General Tampon?” Mom asks looking down at Dobby.

“Don't look at me Tinkletoes came up with that one.” Dobby answers.

Mom looks at Tinkletoes. “I convinced him tampon was short for trample-on” Tinkletoes admits sheepishly.

“You have to admit tampons do withstand some crushing blows.”

“Dobby!” Mom reprimands.

“I'm just saying.”

General...umm...Tampon can be heard clearing his throat. “Thank you for the introduction Private Dobby. General Tampon has everything in order now, move along.” The general taps on the back of Dobby's legs with his baton. The general approaches Mom and takes her much larger hands in his tiny ones. “My dear Writer Lady it is an honor to be here with you today in your time of need. I want you to come over to the far side of the room with me. Yes, to your left where there is a big open space. It is important that you are an active participant in this security exercise as one of my favorite humans, George S. Patton said, "No good decision was ever made in a swivel chair." You cannot defend yourself very well if you are sitting a swivel chair either.”

“Defend myself?” Mom asks.

“Tinkletoes and I are concerned about the security breach from three weeks ago. When those horrible monsters came in and tried to take steps against you. They never should have gotten into the house. You must be able to defend yourself in case they return. Maybe something worse.”

“Is that what this is all about?” Mom asks. “Those 'monsters' you are referring to our mine. They were born from my imagination. My home is their home. They are no threat to me. So there you go, problem solved. General if you would be so kind as to adjourn this security meeting...”

“How will you protect yourself?”

“Keen wit, quick movements, a heavy flashlight and a big baseball bat among other things. I can't divulge all of my secrets. Besides, I totally kicked Tinkletoes' butt when he startled me and I did that from my swivel chair.”

“Yes she did.” Dobby and Tinkletoes agree in unison.

“That's nothing. I kick Tinkle's butt all the time.” General Tampon pointed out.

“You General are the exception not the rule.” Tinkletoes points out.

Mom looks at Tinkletoes. “The General is fast, huh?”

“Like a Yoda ninja,” is Tinkletoes' response.