99 Posts of this Blog On The Wall

“He has his own baby dragon to play with.” Writer Lady repeats, looking at Tinkletoes and TP. “Dylan's right. How many cats are not only named after a character in a book but have a character in a book patterned after them?”

“Yes, Writer Lady, that could work.” TP agrees rubbing his chin.

“I don't like it. It's too soft.” Tinkletoes says.

“You don't like anything that isn't your idea do you?” Writer Lady asks.

Tinkletoes starts to argue, stops and thinks. He opens his mouth to speak, gets a confused look on his face and shuts it again. “I'm going to come up with something for next week. When I do you'll be the one standing here, looking foolish,” he stalks out of the house slamming the door.

The next day, Writer Lady is sitting at the computer in High Command when Dobby enters the room.

“So um...Mom? I've been thinking.” Dobby says.

“Yes kitty.”

“With next week being the 100^th post and everything. I was wondering...”

“Wondering what?” Writer Lady asks not stopping to look away from the monitor.

“If we can do some special things. I have a list.” Dobby jumps up on to the desk, pulls a sheet of paper up and sits it in front of Writer Lady's monitor.

“Now?” Writer Lady asks, leaning in to read. “Tuna steaks with catnip,  champagne on ice, popcorn with butter, freshly dipped chocolates. Fancy cupcakes. Why?”

“For our 100^th post. We must par-tay.”

“I would like very much to “par-tay” but are six bodyguards necessary?”

“The women love me. What can I say?”

“No?” Writer Lady continues reading. “You want a venue? Why do you need a venue? We always write here at home.”

“There are going to be lots more people.” Dobby announces.

“Really? How many more are you expecting?”

“100. At least.”

“100 people?” Writer Lady asks.

“At least.” Dobby reiterates.

“Where are these 100 people going to come from?”

“Oh...um...all over. I'm a really cool cat.”

“There is no question in my mind you are cool. The shining star of my heart. I just don't know where you are going to find so many other people who feel the same way.”

“I will. Mom. Don't worry about that. You have a lot of other stuff to do. Keep reading.”

“You will be wearing the various costumes showcased in the first 100 posts. There is supposed to be a musical montage dedicated to you and your antics. You want a red carpet? Live tweeting?” Writer Lady stops reading and announces to Dobby. “Kitty this is a 100^th post celebration not an awards show.”

“Keep reading.” Dobby says.

“There will an award to the house cat who most embodies the playfulness, intelligence and purrsonality of our own beloved Dobby?”

“I'm calling it the Furball.” Dobby says, rolling a ball of his hair along the desk so Writer Lady can see it.

“Why can't we just do it here at the house?”

Dobby pulls the first page down leaving another list in Writer Lady's field of vision.

“The people on this list are actors and entertainers. Dobby, I don't think the President of the United States is available to give you a Lifetime Achievement Award.”

“I have this all worked out.” Dobby says.

“Okay. I have some questions. Who is going to set up the venue with seating, decorations and the food?” Writer Lady asks.

“We'll hire a caterer.” Dobby says producing a stack of catering brochures.

Writer Lady starts glancing at the information. “This sounds like a big deal. How are we going to pay the caterer?”

“Sponsors.”

“Sponsors? How are we going to get these sponsors? How will we sell their products?”

“We are going to televise.” Dobby says.

“Televise?”

“Who is going to watch a televised celebration for the 100^th post of a blog about a woman, a fantastically lovable cat and his friends as well as the fictional characters that have some how come to life in their house?”

“That's where the 'guests' come in.” Dobby answers.

“Oh you mean...the entertainers and actors in the audience?”

“Viewers will tune in to see them. They will get curious about me. I'll trend. They'll find the blog. In one stupendous night I will be famous.” The air grows heavy, standing up, Dobby's shadow enlarges to an alarming size, his deepened voice bellows, “MWAAHAHAHAAAAA.”

“Well. That was disturbing.” Writer Lady mumbles.

The air in the room loses weight and a light harmonic melody begins to play in the background reminding us of a simpler time. Hot dogs, baseball, apple pie and the comforting knowledge that no matter how wonderful dinner was there is always room for Jell-o. “Come on Mom. I'm Me! I'm amazing. You have never met another cat like me. I'm completely lovable.” Dobby says. “That's what the people want a lovable character.”

“That's true.” Writer Lady admits. “Kitty, I'm afraid you just aren't there yet. I wish you would stop pushing for something so big. You don't get to enjoy the simple things in life that way.”

“Yeah.” Dobby groans, lowering his head.

“Seriously kitty. Let's just sit together and enjoy a hot cup of tea. The quiet of a winter evening. Our impending accomplishment. I never thought we would continue this blog to 100 posts. Did you?”

Thinking for a moment, “I never thought you could stay focused this long Mom. It is truly amazing.” Dobby says with gravity.

Well Hello Dobby

“Do you mind if we get back to what's important now?” Dobby asks.

Everyone looks at Dobby.

“ME!”

Tinkletoes and Writer Lady look back at each other, then look back at Dobby.

“Of course.”

“Don't worry about the Action Hero thing not working I've got tons of ideas.”

This time another throat clears. TP is floating next to Tinkletoes wearing his director's clothes, complete with expensive sunglasses and a bullhorn. Setting the bullhorn down on a table, TP flies over to Dobby and floats back and forth in front of his new “star.”

“No. No. NO...” TP says shaking his finger. The faerie paces back and forth in front of the leather clad ginger tabby. “This is not right at all. This is what happens when you have no respect for the art that is film making. Dobby was endorsed by the Gem of the Con. That is class. Felines are clean, cunning and chic. We have to show the world this amazing example of impeccable feline style. We need...Armani.” TP snaps his fingers. There is a rumble and large puff of smoke encases Dobby. When the smoke clears the leathers from the action hero costume have been replaced with a fitted black suit. The creases in the pants are defined. The tie—narrow bordering on skinny. “Turn around.” TP orders. Dobby rotates. The suit fits beautifully. The pants altered to accommodate Dobby's tail. The black fabric dramatically opposite to his orange fur.

“Wow.” Writer Lady says.

“He looks like a Halloween decoration.” Tinkletoes says unimpressed.

TP coughs and glares at Tinkletoes. The room quiets.

“You are classic my good cat and we will present you in this way. What is more classic than Broadway?” TP waves his arms and a stage appears along the living room wall. The floor glows with a high polish. The red of the curtains is striking against the shimmer of the floor. “Dobby, if you will take the stage.”

Dobby carefully makes his way up the stairs, stands center stage and waits. “I would like you to sing and dance for me.”

“Are you sure that's a good idea? His yowling is highly annoying.” Writer Lady asks.

“Shhhh!”

Tinkletoes laughs from the spot he has taken on the couch. Writer Lady glares at him sitting down on the other end. Tinkletoes coughs lightly and turns his attention back to the stage.

“You will need musical accompaniment.” TP flutters up and flies into High Command. When he returns Incognito is following. The clone warrior's gun has been replaced with a trumpet. “Right up there on stage young man. To Dobby's left.” TP turns around to face his audience. “The song I have chosen is universally enjoyed by music lovers of all types all over the world. I have modified it to showcase our star. We will give the world our own personal “earworm.” Everyone will be looking for our favorite cat when I am done.”

Returning his attention to the stage, “ On three. One...two...three!” TP snaps his fingers, Incognito starts playing the intro. Soon Dobby is singing.”

“Hello Dobby. Well Hello Dobby. It's so nice to have you back where you belong. You're looking swell Dobby.”

“Swell?” Tinkletoes says. “No one even uses that word anymore.”

“I can tell Dobby.”

“Now just start dancing.” TP says. “A little Soft Paw.” Dobby complies with the elegance only a cat possesses.

“You're still glowin'...you're still crowin'...you're still goin' strong.”

TP pulls a dance cane out of thin air and tosses it to Dobby. Dobby catches it without missing a beat.

“I feel the room swayin'....while the band's playin'. One of your old favorite songs from way back when.”

“Now. Prance! Lift those feet up high.” TP says.

“Oh no.” Tinkletoes says running his hand down his face. “This is just wrong.”

“So take his wrap fellas. Someone find him a lap fellas.”

“Cut!” Tinkletoes says standing and walking towards the stage.

“No cut!” TP says.

“Cut.” Tinkletoes makes it to the stage. Dobby and Incognito stop.

“No cut!” TP says using his bullhorn. “Uncut. Keep going.”

“You don't have to do this Dobby.” Tinkletoes says.

“What is going on in here?” Aunt Purdy asks entering the living room with Furnatche and the kids in tow.

“They were making Dobby a star and now they are fighting about the details.” Writer Lady says. "I'll give you specifics later."

“Yes he does.” TP says.

“No he doesn't.” Tinkletoes says.

“If he wants to be famous he does.” TP counters.

“This is not the only way.” Tinkletoes says.

“It's MY way!” TP exclaims. The faerie's body is bright red with anger. The mercenary and faerie are now nose to nose.

“You're making him look like a pussy.” Tinkletoes says.

A sharp intake of breath has been hear from the far side of the living room. They look up to see Aunt Purdy pale. She and Writer Lady are covering as many children's ears as they can.

“TP, Tinkletoes? Could you hold the conversation for just a second?” Writer Lady asks. She uncovers Dylan's ears, stands up and makes her way over to the stage with Furnatche following close behind. The minute the baby dragon sees the steps he climbs them following the scent left on them to Dobby.

“I let you both have some fun but this is becoming a problem. You tried the Action Hero thing he isn't in shape for that.” Writer Lady says, holding her left hand out several inches from the left side. “You tried the musical route which is at the other end of the spectrum.” Writer Lady says holding her right hand out to the right side. “How about something in the middle?”

"I know." Tinkletoes says, “Singing Zombies. Let's re-make Thriller.”

“Shakespeare?” TP offers.

“What is completely unique to our Dobby cat? What does he have that no other cat has?”

Writer Lady, Tinkletoes and TP all look at Dobby. The ginger tabby is standing on stage watching Furnatche get his belly rubbed by Incognito.

“A baby dragon.” Dylan had wandered over to where Writer Lady was. “Dobby has a baby dragon to play with.”

Shots Were Fired

Tinkletoes, TP and Dobby sneak in the back door and hide in the utility closet.

There is knocking at the door.

Writer Lady opens it to find the police. “Yes.”

“Hello Ma'am. My name is Officer Silverfish and this is Officer Smelt. We have had some complaints this evening about shots being fired from this address.”

“Really?” Writer Lady asks. “That's odd.”

“Do you live here?” Officer Smelt asks.

“Yes I do.”

“Is there anyone else living here at this residence?” Officer Silverfish asks.

“No it's just me. Me and my cat.”

“Husband? Children?” Officer Smelt asks.

“No just me and my cat.”

“Do you have some identification?” Officer Smelt asks.

“Yes. I'll go get my wallet. Wait right here.” Writer Lady says leaving the room. She returns with her wallet and shows them her driver's license. Officer Silverfish checks it.

“Is your firearm licensed? Do you have your gun card with you?” Officer Smelt asks.

“I don't have any firearms.”

“All due respect ma'am shots were fired tonight from this address.”

“I am telling you with certainty. It was not me.”

“Is that so?” Officer Smelt asks challenging Writer Lady's statement. He takes out his notepad.

“For the last several months, let me rephrase that. The entire time you have been living in this house your neighbors have noticed unusual goings on.”

“Do you have examples?” Writer Lady asks.

“Well the shots being fired.”

“And?”

“Strange people have been seen “slinking” around in the shadows.”

“Do you have a description?”

“Male, approx 6' 2” eyes of blue? Usually dressed in camo, carries ammo bag, sometimes leaves with pastry boxes. Comes over and leaves at all hours of the day and night. Sometimes even on Sunday.” Officer Smelt announces with condescension.

Officer Silverfish leans towards his fellow officer and says, “That's Tinkletoes.”

“Tink? Nobody told me he was home.” Officer Smelt exclaims.

“I thought you knew. He's been back for over a year now.”

“I can't believe he made it back and hasn't called me yet. Have the gaming nights started up again yet? Do you know?”

“Oh yeah. His first week back. You know Tink. He couldn't wait to get that started again. We all tried to get together online when he was at base camp but the Internet connections were always overloaded. According to Tinkletoes the officers were hogging it.”

“No...” Officer Smelt exclaims.

“You'll never guess with what? Farmville.” Officer Silverfish says sharing his intel.

“Wow. You think smart people like that would at least be playing Grand Theft Auto or World of Warcraft.” Officer Smelts says.

“Maybe learn something.” Officer Silverfish offers.

“I'm guessing you two didn't enlist?” Writer Lady asked.

“No. I couldn't pass the physical.” Officer Silverfish answers. “I'm a little long in the tooth.”

“At least you passed the written.” Officer Smelts says.

“I'm sure you just missed by the skin of your teeth. You catch on really quick.” Officer Silverfish says reassuring the younger officer.

“No actually.” Officer Smelts says blushing a little.

“Pssst. Psssst!” Writer Lady turns to see Tinkletoes, TP and Dobby in the doorway of the darkened add on room. Tinkletoes is holding up a glow-in-the-dark sign.

GET THEM OUT OF HERE

“If you two will excuse me for a minute. I hear Dobby crying. He gets scared when strange people are here.”

The officers continue talking oblivious to Writer Lady's presence.

Writer Lady tiptoes into the add on room, “It's okay kitty. Don't be scared.” She continues into the darkness until she is out of the officers' sight.

“What do you mean get rid of them? They're your friends.” Writer Lady says getting into Tinkletoes' space.

“No. That's Smelts. Nobody likes Smelts.”

“What about the other one?” Writer Lady asks.

“Silverfish?”

Writer Lady waits for an answer.

“He's okay but he knows I don't like Smelts.” 
Writer Lady is still waiting. 
 “It's a guy thing, okay?”

Unimpressed with Tinkletoes' explanation Writer Lady evaluates her situation. “Fine!” Turning on her heel she returns to the living room.

“You know I bet they're a couple.” Officer Silverfish whispers to Officer Smelts just as Writer Lady returns.

“It sounds like you all have a lot of catching up to do. I won't keep you.”

“Of course. Anything for Tinks' girl.” Officer Smelts gushes, turning to leave.

“Sorry to bother you ma'am. I'll make sure the neighbors know they have nothing to worry about. Tinkletoes does things a little bit different we all understand.” Office Silverfish says following Smelts out the front door. “Don't worry we'll be discreet.”

Writer Lady's neighbors had gathered along the outer perimeter of her yard waiting to see the result of their careful record keeping.

“It's Okay Folks! It's just Tinkletoes! This is his girl!” Officer Smelts announces after retrieving a bullhorn from the trunk of his police cruiser.

The crowd nods, uttering words of understanding, relief and sympathy depending on how they felt about him. Within minutes everyone was gone. Writer Lady plops down on to her couch with a tired sigh and closes both eyes.

“Are they gone?” Tinkletoes asks standing over her.

“You're the soldier, you tell me.” She responds without opening her eyes.

Taking a quick look through the windows, “Yes. You cleared them out quick. That was a great idea too. Telling them I'm your boyfriend.”

Jumping up off the couch, “You! Are NOT my boyfriend!” Writer Lady says poking him in the chest with her finger.

Tinkletoes pales a little, surprised at the tone of her outburst. “Everyone seems to think so. I'm here all the time.”

“You come over and play video games with the cat. Take my baked goods under false pretenses. You don't talk to me unless you have to. Boyfriends don't do that.” Writer Lady says stepping back.

“You're right. I never should have done those things.” Tinkletoes says quietly. 

Writer Lady looks at him with her mouth gaping.

TP flies over to Tinkletoes and starts whispering with urgency. Tinkletoes nods a lot. “I'm sorry you have been labeled my um...girlfriend. If it's alright with you I won't say anything for a couple of days. On the next gaming night I'll tell everyone about the misunderstanding.”

Writer Lady nods her agreement.

Dobby sits in the middle of the living room and clears his throat loudly.

Action Hero Blues

Dobby Cat morphs, transforms and changes in front of Writer Lady's and Tinkletoes' eyes. TP's magic is something amazing. Dobby goes from a typical ginger tabby to a powerfully built Action Hero. He struts past the back of the Big Writing Chair to the center of High Command and strikes a masculine pose for Writer Lady. He appears robust and virile to all who gaze upon him.

“Well that was easy.” Tinkletoes says, patting Dobby on the back. “You have great genes kitty. Good job.”

Dobby lets out a breath and...ping! The snap on his leather pants flies off and goes right through the window. The pants are relieved of their burden and Dobby's belly spills out over the top of the leather. Our hero pulls up his pants and retreats to the bathroom. He might be blushing but he is orange so it's hard to tell.

Writer Lady tries to stifle her laughter. “I told you he was in no shape for this.”

“It's fine. We just have to modify the costume. Dobby is stockier than anticipated.” Tinkletoes says defending his choice.

“He's out of shape.” Writer Lady counters.

“He's husky.”

“He's fat.” Writer Lady says finishing the argument.

“This is just a set back. We'll fix it.” Tinkletoes says looking at TP.
The faerie snaps his fingers and a tiny tool box appears in his hand. With the second snap the faerie is wearing a t-shirt that says:

TP. Professional Faerie At Work. I've Got Your Back Side.

TP makes his way in to the bathroom.

Writer Lady returns to her scribbling as she and Tinkletoes wait to see the solution TP comes up with. Tinkletoes keeps himself busy by examining the hole in the window. He raises the blind. He sticks his finger through the hole.

“It's a perfect hole. It goes through both the window and the screen. Do you have any idea how much pressure it takes to do that without shattering the entire window?” He asks.

“Probably something similar to a bullet being fired by a gun.” Writer Lady says without looking up from her pad of paper. “But I'm just a girl. What do I know.”

TP enters High Command flying in reverse. He is waving his hands as if aiding a large truck as it reverses.

Dobby enters the room slowly with his head down still embarrassed.

Tinkletoes smiles with encouragement. TP flies up to Tinkletoes' ear to give him an update. Tinkletoes nods a lot.

Writer Lady takes a minute to sneak a peek at their repair work. The snap had been reattached with a piece of wire. They had compensated for the cat's girth using a rubber band. The old 'I'm not ready for maternity clothes yet. These jeans still fit' repair. Interesting. Writer Lady scratches Dobby's ear affectionately and returns to her seat.

“Okay Dobby. I have a camera. So what we're gonna do now is take some action footage. It will get you exposure a lot more quickly than just a head shot.” Tinkletoes says. “I think we'll start in the bedroom. TP is going to be a thug. He will threaten you with a gun. Quick as lightning, I want you to jump up, run across the bed and chase him out of the room jumping off the bed and following him out of the room close behind. I'm going to lay on the floor. When you jump off the bed, jump over me and the camera. It'll be a great shot.”

Writer Lady decides to stay in High Command. Listening can be just as fun as watching. She hears Tinkletoes say, “Okay. On action...one, two and ac-tion!” There is rustling then a loud Ping!, a scream from Tinkletoes. “Okay.” Tinkletoes whispers. “cut...”

Writer Lady goes into the bedroom to see what happened. Tinkletoes is laying on the floor. There is a distinct round mark on his forehead. A bright red one.

“Rubber band snapped huh?” Writer Lady asks.

Tinkletoes stays where he is. Waiting for the humiliation to be over.

Writer Lady looks around for the rubber band's remains. She spots them on the fly of the mercenary's camos. “You...um...weren't planning on having kids some day were you?” she asks.

“Ice. Please?” Tinkletoes asks.

“Stay here.” Writer Lady says, gentling her tone. By the time she returns with two ice packs, Tinkletoes is sitting up with his back against the wall. She hands him one and steps over his legs to put the other ice pack against his forehead.

“Thanks.” He grumbles.

“I was kind of mean earlier, with the jokes. I owe you one.”

TP comes into the bedroom and whispers to Tinkletoes. Tinkletoes nods. “Okay.”
 The faerie leaves the room.

“TP fixed the problem. He put Dobby in larger pants. Dobby doesn't have enough...butt. TP said he fixed that though.” Tinkletoes announces. “Okay come on in guys.”

Dobby comes back into the bedroom. He looks um...well rounded. Our furry action hero has two perfectly round buttocks pushing against the leather pants.

“Oh my goodness...” Writer Lady says covering her mouth. She averts her eyes. “I'm just going to go do some scribbling,” She says pointing to High Command.

Tinkletoes looks at the footage taken earlier. “Okay guys what I did earlier looks good. I think we'll try something with the whip now. Let's go out into the front yard. It's dark out. No one will see.” Our hero and his agents go out to the front yard to take more footage. “Okay Dobby. I need you to pull the whip from your belt. Release the tail, let it snap and bring it down to the ground. This is really cool looking. The snapping sound is a terrific effect. Same direction as before. One...two...AC-TION.”

Dobby reaches down, lifting the rolled up whip from his belt, releases the coiled leather raising his paw high. The tail of the whip flourishes back dramatically, snapping the back of the ginger tabby's pants. The POP is a sound like none other heard in Writer Lady's neighborhood---EVER.

Lights start to turn on all over the neighborhood.

“Down Now.” Tinkletoes says. The three slink around to the back yard.