It's All In The Title

Writer Lady is sitting in High Command waiting for lightning to strike. Inspiration to light a fire under her butt. A joke. Any joke. Nothing is happening. Getting up she makes her way into the living room.

“Dobby? Kitty?” She calls softly looking around the room.

Curled up in the blue chair, Dobby opens one eye. Barely. Writer Lady squats down on the floor next to the chair and peers at him through the spindles. “I'm sleepy.” Dobby says stretching his front legs out.

“Me too.”

“I love you Mom.” Dobby says using his front paws to touch the end of Writer Lady's nose. “It's blog time. Go write.”

“I don't know what to say. I need help.” Writer Lady gets up and heads over to the couch. “I'm going to shut my eyes for a minute kitty. A little nap is going to make all the difference.” She lays down.

“Tinkletoes. TP.” Dobby calls. “Tinkletoes! TP!” Dobby walks around the living room in circles, his call is frenzied and loud.

The mercenary and the faerie both reach the ginger tabby at the same time.

“What's wrong?”

“It's Mom. She won't wake up.” Dobby says.

“Again?” Tinkletoes asks. “It's not the chocolate thing again is it?”

Dobby shakes his head. “It's worse. This is blog night. She hasn't written a thing.”

“When is it supposed to be up?” Tinkletoes asks.

“Two hours ago.”

The cell phone lights up and vibrates on the end table by the couch.

“Do you want me to get that?” Tinkletoes asks.

“Those are her followers. Demanding to know what's going on.” Dobby says.

“How many followers does she have?”

“Four.” Dobby says.

“Four? You're scared of four people?” Tinkletoes asks.

“They are fiercely loyal.” Dobby says.

“Follower says kitty needs to go to the pound. Where litter is cheap, dusty and will stink just as much as Dobby's poop.” TP giggles reading the latest text.

Dobby's eyes grow wide. “I don't know what to do.”

“We'll just have to give the people what they want.” Tinkletoes says.

“Tinkletoes wants to write.” TP giggles.

“No TP. We need your magic. What will fix this?” Tinkletoes says.

TP flutters over to Tinkletoes' ear and starts whispering.

“Really? She can do that without being awake?” Tinkletoes asks.

TP nods.

“Don't worry Dobby. We've got this.” Tinkletoes crosses the living room and carries Writer Lady into High Command, sitting her gently in the Big Writing Chair. He places her hands on the keyboard.

“Now what?”

“TP will enchant the keyboard to pick her thoughts up while she is sleeping and string the random components into a post. All we have to do is wait. When we get enough for the post. I will put it up on the Internet.”

Several minutes later Tinkletoes goes to the computer and looks at the word count on the word processing program. “690 words. That should be about right.” After picking up Writer Lady and putting her back on the couch, Tinkletoes settles in to put up the new post for the blog. “It's cut and pasted. Now all I need is a title. Got it. See Dobby it's all done. The day is officially saved.” Tinkletoes announces. “That was hard work. Tell your Mom to make me some muffins in the morning. I'll be by. Early.”

Writer Lady wakes from her nap happy and refreshed. She checks her phone right away confident that she had only lost an hour. “2 A.M. It's two in the morning. Oh no!” She screams running to the computer. Checking it quickly she breathes a sigh of relief. “It's okay. I must have woken up and written the blog earlier. You know you're tired when you get up in the middle of the night, write and post a blog and then forget about it.” Clicking on the link Writer Lady smiles and takes a peek at what she came up with. Her smile shrinks the longer she reads, “Oh no. No, oh no. This is not good. This is not good at all.” She turns away from the chair and breathes deeply. In and out. In and out. With each passing moment the breathing becomes more frantic. “Dobby kitty! Come here please!”

“Mom?” Dobby asks. Writer Lady is pale and breathing erratically.

“Who wrote this?” She asks.

“You did.”

She breathes faster shaking her head.

“It's kind of a long story.” Dobby says.

Writer Lady continues to hyperventilate.

“I'll tell you everything but promise me one thing.”

Writer Lady nods.

“Put your head between your knees Mom, head between your knees.”

She bends over putting her head between her knees and listens.

“Remember at 8 o'clock tonight when you laid down for quick nap?” Dobby proceeds to fill Writer Lady in on what she has missed.

“So, they hooked my sleeping body up to a computer like I was another computer and recorded any random thoughts that might make a blog.” Writer Lady says. She is out of the Hyperventilating stage and has entered the Anger stage.

“Did you read it?” She asks.

“I can't read Mom.” Dobby says.

“Did anyone read it?” She asks.

“Tinkletoes glanced at it. He came up with the title.”

“And this is where it gets interesting. The title. Do you know what the title is?”

Dobby shakes his head.

“Lonely Widow Ladies Get Sexy And Wild. What the...is that supposed to mean? What if a child reads this?”

Writer Lady looks down at Dobby. “What if a child has already read this?”

“Mom.”

“The post itself is so simple and disjointed it makes a grade school reader look like Shakespeare.”

“Mom?”

“I can't believe this is happening. This is really happening. I try to be a good person and live a good life. It's gone. Just gone.”

“Mom!  Let's check the stats. Look at the comments and see if anyone was offended.” Dobby says.

A light slowly dawns. “Of course. I may be worrying for nothing.” Writer Lady goes to the blogs stats to check things out. “I have 3000 hits tonight. You know what this means kitty.”

“Yes.”

“There are some really sick people out there.”

“Don't be so quick to judge Mom you have lots of comments. Read one.”

Clicking the comments button she reads, “Hey there. I didn't know you could...write. This was so great, it started out really exciting. Especially with the title. Then it got slower and slower. The story made no sense even for me. I starting falling asleep. Dude. I told everyone in my insomniac support group about this. We are all ready to snooze. I have a whole new respect for you. You are one Cool Cat Mom.

Catchin' Those Zzzzs.

I love you man.

Ray