Mural Man Is In The House

“Mom? Mom? Moom!” Dobby runs through the house calling to Writer Lady. The ginger tabby looks in the bedroom, High Command making his way into the living room. “Yeow!” Dobby calls.

“In here kitty.” Writer Lady says.

“You're in the kitchen. Do you know you're in the kitchen?” Dobby asks.

“Yes kitty.”

“On purpose?” Dobby asks.

“Yes. What's wrong with me being in the kitchen?”

“Nothing. You just haven't been hanging around in here much lately.” Dobby says.

“That's probably because every time I turned around I was making those fancy cupcakes. Not for fun or because I was hungry but to pay off your debt. It kind of takes the fun out of it. Speaking of the hours I used to spend as a kitchen slave...guess what I'm doing.” Writer Lady says.

“Making um...dinner?”

“Nope.”

“Cookies? Everyone loves your cookies.”

“Wrong again kitty.”

“I don't know Mom.”

“I'm baking cupcakes. Fancy cupcakes. It seems that since I was the one who went to the Shiny Arch to the West I owe Tinkletoes more baked goods because he saved”, Writer Lady raises both hands to make the quotation gesture, “all our asses.” Lowering her hands she continues, “A debt must be paid. It doesn't matter that I didn't start the war or that I did not even send for him or that he's been gnawing at the bit for something like to happen for-e-ver.” Looking at her recipe she says, “It looks like we are starting with salted caramel cupcakes.”

“That's different.” Dobby says.

“Tinkletoes would hate for me to get bored.”

“Where is Tinkletoes?” Dobby asks.

“He took Carp to survival camp. They're hunting, fishing, not showering. You know guy stuff.”

“I'm sorry you're baking and it's not fun Mom.” Dobby says.

“It's not too bad. It gets me out of the bedroom.” Writer Lady says going back to her mixing.

“The mural is still not gone huh Mom?”

“No. House has a crush on Monitor Man now. She and TP created a spell that covers the mural most of the time. House is only supposed to be looking at it, 'WHEN I'M NOT AT HOME!' ” Writer Lady yells from the kitchen towards the bedroom. “ 'SOMEONE PULLS IT UP, GIGGLES, THEN HIDES IT AGAIN. CONSTANTLY!' ”

A strange hissing noise comes out through the baseboards of the kitchen. “Hmmmph!” “True Love” by Pink spreads throughout the house. Giggling can be heard from the bedroom. Writer Lady sighs and rolls her eyes.

“What's the music for?” Dobby asks.

“House and TP are making Monitor Man's picture dance.”

“How long have they been doing that?”

“It's been going on all day. I have to say seeing a grown man in a loin cloth shake his butt like that is just disturbing.”

“You said they weren't supposed to do it while you were here.” Dobby says.

“I was on my way to the bathroom. TP fixed it so the mural can travel to any wall in the bedroom.”

“How bad is it?”

Looking down at Dobby she says, “There was twerking...and lam-ba-da.” The music grows louder. More giggling.

“Give it a rest. PLEASE!” Writer Lady calls to the bedroom.

There is silence. For exactly one minute. The music returns even louder with more giggling.

“I just wish it would stop. What happens when House learns the truth about Monitor Man? Look at how Carp reacted. What are we going to do when she learns she can't keep him? What are we going to do when Carp sees him?”

“Find a new place to live?” Dobby asks.

“I'm serious kitty.”

“Mom...you do know you are talking about an inanimate object? She's a house. She knows the picture isn't real, she's just having fun. Even if Monitor Man did see her and like her back what could happen? He could live in House, he could talk to her sweetly possibly caress her door jambs. But that would be it. He's a man, she's a building. This isn't Monitor Man, it's a mural so technically she could keep him. This isn't about her. This is about you. I think you liked Monitor Man more than you admitted to anyone.”

“Let me explain something to you kitty. In life there are people who are unavailable. They live in different parts of the world, live different kinds of lives, they move in completely different circles. You will never know them personally. Entertainers, directors, athletes (for some people), great writers (for others) and actors. People you find interesting and know you will never meet; you kind of put them in a box away from everyone else and try not to think about them too much. They don't exist in your world. They aren't real.”

“Neither are faeries Mom.” Dobby points out.

“TP is different.”

“Monitor Man was in that box.” Dobby says.

“TP pulled him out.”

“Yes he did. When he was gone for so long I just started directing him back to his box.”

“Then the Ninja Zombie War came and...he became real.”

“He became real again. Carp was right there too. Squealing and carrying on. I got sucked in. I not only thought incredible adventures were possible but that anything was possible even Monitor Man. Although I'm a practical woman and I knew how the Monitor Man story would play out a part of me was disappointed. Now I have to put him back in the box again. And look at Carp he's having even more trouble putting things away. I don't want House to have that problem.”

“House is a house. This is a mural. There won't be a problem.” Dobby says. “Just because you were disappointed doesn't mean it will happen to House. Let's let House have her fun Mom.”

Writer Lady stops mixing, picks up the cupcake pan and starts preparing it.

“I don't know kitty.”

“Everything will work out Mom. I promise.”

Writer Lady looks down at Dobby. He is looking up at her with seriousness and confidence. Like any cat.

“On two conditions, she and the mural have to move out of my bedroom and into the bonus room. It's a long narrow room that's perfect for dancing. The mural is not Monitor Man we will not call him that. From this day on, he is to be called Mural Man. And she has to stop playing that song.”

“Thanks Mom."
"Thank you kitty.”

“Oh and Mom?”

“Yes?”

“Don't put people in boxes anymore, it's just weird.”

Writer Lady nods.