The Men Return

“I don't know where to start.” Dobby says.

“Begin at the beginning.” Writer Lady answers.

“You were there.” Dobby says.

“Let's revisit the beginning and then you can tell me what happened after I left the house. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“It started early this morning.” Writer Lady says.

Dobby nods.

“With the knock at the door.”

“Yes. It was Tinkletoes and Carp.” Writer Lady continues.

Dobby nods.

“Dobby kitty do we have to do it like this? If I have to pry every little detail out of your furry butt this is going to take forever.”

“Patience Mom.”

“I'm patient.”

Dobby just stares at Writer Lady.

“I am!”

Dobby keeps staring.

Writer Lady thinks for a minute. Thinks for another minute. Bites her lip. Looks around the room. “Do you remember that time when... no...I guess I wasn't that patient then. What about? Okay maybe not that time either. I know I have been patient at least once.”

“I love you Mom but we don't have that kind of time.”

“Tinkletoes and Carp were at the door. They were knocking which was weird.”

 

Knock. Knock. THUMP!

“Who is it Mom?” Dobby asks following Writer Lady to the front door.

“It's Tinkletoes and Carp.” Writer Lady looks toward the bonus room. The door is closed between it and the rest of the house. “What should I do?” She asks.

“Answer it.”

“What about Carp? What if he sees...you know.”

“Relax Mom he won't. Tinkletoes has been working with him. He will never notice Mural Man.”

“Even though...he's just got the loin cloth?”

“It will be fine Mom.”

“But the mural isn't wearing many clothes.”

“It will be fine.”

“He's basically naked.” Writer Lady continues.

“He's not completely naked. It will be fine.”

The banging continues.

“Say something Mom.”

“Com-ing!” She calls out.

“Just relax and open the door.”

Writer Lady looks at Dobby nervously.

“Re-lax and open the door.”

Taking a deep breath Writer Lady says, “Maybe I should pee first.”

Dobby stares.

“This is stressful.”

“Mom...open the door.”

Writer Lady opens the door for Carp and Tinkletoes. Entering, the mercenary and the assassin in training look surprisingly clean.

“Dobby. My cat.” Tinkletoes says.

“What's up?” Dobby asks.

“How was survivalist camp?” Writer Lady asks.

Tinkletoes looks at Carp who is standing at attention, staring straight ahead. “You know. Survivally.” He answers.

“I wish I could have gone.” Dobby says.

“Dobby I told you before you're a housecat. Besides whenever someone opens a door to outside you run into the closet.”

“He's working on that. It's a little post traumatic stress.” Tinkletoes says.

“From what?”

“From before.” Dobby says.

“Before?” Writer Lady asks.

“Don't blame yourself. Those first 8 weeks were really stressful.” Tinkletoes says.

“What!”

“Sorry Writer Lady. But there is no time to talk about that now.”

Writer Lady glares at Tinkletoes.

“I'm...Carp and I are here so early...We want to ask a favor.”

“No. No. NO.”

Tinkletoes nods.

“You cannot do that here. There is no way you are doing that in my yard.”

“It's only for today and tonight. You're always busy.” Tinkletoes says.

“It's Saturday night. It's blog night. I'm at home every Saturday night and you know it.”

“That's not my fault is it.” Tinkletoes says.

Writer Lady glares.

“You wouldn't be spending your Saturday nights at home if you had listened to me, Wench.” Carp says between his teeth. “All you had to do was kiss him.”

Writer Lady fumes.

“Regardless of anything else that may or may not be happening in my life right now, I will not let you set up a shooting range in my backyard. It's loud. It's dangerous. You'll damage my sheds and it's illegal.”

“The cops are fine with it. I checked with Smelts last night. It's the Fourth of July. No one will notice. I am a professional. Carp is almost as good as I am. Your sheds are just old.”

“No.”

“No. That's it?” Tinkletoes says.

“That's it.” Writer Lady answers.

“That's your final word?”

“That is my final word.”

“I don't want to have to do this but you leave me no choice. Ninja Zombie War. You owe me.” Tinkletoes says.

“'Cuse Me? You're pulling the war card? Now?”

Tinkletoes leans against the wall crossing his ankles and then his arms with a smug grin. “Now.” He says.

“You...”

“Mom?”

Writer Lady looks down at Dobby.

“Mom why don't you let him have this one?”

She shakes her head.

“Let him have this one on the condition he can't use the Ninja Zombie War ever again.”

Writer Lady stops shaking her head and keeps listening.

"If I say "yes".   What else do I get?” She asks.