Tinkletoes A.K.A. Mrs. Donut

Tinkletoes stops just outside the bathroom door studying his reflection in the hallway mirror. Looking back from the reflection is a grown man with thick closely cut hair, a five o'clock shadow, and massive arms. Hair from his legs is sticking out along the hem of the dress.

“I told you I was too manly for this. He'll never buy it.”

TP, Dobby, and Carp all gather around Tinkletoes.

“You might be right. And I thought you just really didn't want to put on the dress. I have to say this is disturbing.” Carp says looking at Tinkletoes with horror. “It's the angles, just too many angles. Women are supposed to be soft.”

“I know. There's just nothing soft about me.” Tinkletoes says. “Take off your shirt,” he says looking at Carp.

Carp takes off his shirt.

“You aren't very soft either and your pecs aren't big enough. They would never pass for boobs.” Tinkletoes points out. “This was the only plan I had too. Do you have a sister?” he asks looking at Carp. Carp shakes his head. “Maybe if the dress had sleeves?”

Dobby whispers something in TP's ear. The faerie nods. Turning around Dobby runs into Writer Lady's bedroom and returns with a large piece of fabric in his teeth.

“A shawl for the lady.” TP says giggling.

Bending down Tinkletoes gently accepts the shawl from the ginger tabby. “Thanks buddy.” He drapes it across his shoulders wrapping the ends around each arm. “Okay. How do I look?”

“Pretty girl.” TP giggles.

Dobby makes a face.

“I can't believe it.” Carp says. “It just gets scarier.”

“Paint your nails.” TP giggles. “TP go find lipstick.” The faerie does somersaults in the air as he laughs.

“Dammit TP! This is serious. We are at war faerie.” Tinkletoes says.

TP shakes his head and laughs. “No, not so serious.” The faerie keeps laughing. “Tinkletoes makes an ugly girl.”

“You...” Tinkletoes says reaching out to grab the faerie. TP somersaults out of Tinkletoes' reach and quiets his laughter.

“No. No. It's okay. TP has magic for you.”

Putting out his arms and wiggling his fingers TP says:

To make a lady from this buffoon

Is to bring forth a butterfly from it's cocoon

Soften the angles

“This doesn't sound like the usual spells.” Tinkletoes says to Carp.

“The fae are going through changes.” Dobby says. “Some of the spells are written by committee now.”

“This is my part.” TP giggles

Give him a pretty scent

Take away his burps

From this moment man is woman

May he be careful how much he flirts

Before TP, Dobby's, and Carp's eyes the ex-soldier and self-proclaimed mercenary's appearance changes. The five o'clock shadow, the hair on his arms and legs disappear. The lines of his face and visible muscles soften. Pecs become boobs and his hair grows out too.

“How do I look?” Tinkletoes asks with a higher and softer voice.

TP, Carp, and Dobby all look at each other.

“You smell better.” Carp says.

“Really?” Tinkletoes asks.

Leaning in Carp takes another whiff. “Sweet. Like cinnamon and sugar.”

After several minutes of monitoring the activity on the street, Carp and Tinkletoes take advantage of a few quiet moments and cross to Mr. Donut's house.

“I can't believe TP has all that magic and he couldn't give me shoes. This street is hot.” Tinkletoes says.

“Those barefoot and pregnant jokes you used to tell in high school aren't so funny anymore now are they.” Carp says.

“You don't think I can get pregnant while I'm like this do you?” Tinkletoes asks.

“I don't know. TP did a really good job on those boobs.” Carp says staring down. “He might have done other things too.”

“My eyes are up here Carp.” Tinkletoes says as they finish crossing the street. The pair stop in Mr. Donut's driveway. “You knock on the sliding door in the kitchen when he answers, I'll sneak in the bedroom through the window.” Tinkletoes says turning away.

Carp nods and says, “Promise me one thing.” Tinkletoes turns back to Carp. “Don't let Mr. Donut get to second base on the first date. That's just slutty.”

Tinkletoes glares at Carp. The two...um...men begin to part ways. Remembering something Tinkletoes whistles and they meet back in the driveway. “What was Mrs. Donut's name?” he asks.

“Clara.” Carp says. “But he always called her Rainbow.”

Scratching his head for a minute Tinkletoes turns and finds his way into Mr. Donut's bedroom.

“I don't know what it is with these people. A grown man comes to the door selling Girl Scout cookies on a holiday. He had no cookies. We should have moved five years ago when I suggested it.” Mr. Donut says as he returns to the safety of his bedroom. The walls are covered with frames. A couple takes a lot of pictures during a 45 year marriage. He had them all hanging where he could see them. Mr. Donut lays back down on his bed. “Clara I miss you so much,” he says. Tears fall again.

I can't believe this guy is still crying. Let's get this over with. “If you miss me so much then sit up and talk to me.”

“Clara?”

“Yes Duncan.” Tinkletoes says.

“Is it you?”

“Yes Sweets it's me.”

Mr. Donut sits up and opens his eyes. He gazes at the silhouette in the darkened room reaching for his glasses on the nightstand.

“What are you doing?” Tinkletoes asks gruffly.

“I'm getting my glasses my dear. I can't believe you're here.”

“It's me darling.” Tinkletoes reaches out and smacks Mr. Donut on the hand. “You don't need those glasses. Reach out with your heart, can't you feel that it's me?”

Mr. Donut closes his eyes. “I can smell cinnamon and sugar. It is you. My Rainbow. My little Rainbow Sprinkles.”

Rainbow Sprinkles? Tinkletoes mouths making a face.

“I have missed you so. Every day, every hour, every minute, every second of life has been so empty without you. Will you come home? Will you stay?” Duncan Donut asks.

“I can't stay Sweets. I'm dead.”

“Oh. I was hoping you were just really mad at me.”

“I'm a ghost.”

“Okay. I have a question.”

“Yes?”

“What took you so long?”

“What do you mean what took me so long?” Tinkletoes asks.

“It's been two years. Two years and not one visit. Haven't you stopped by? Heard me crying? Seen my tears?”

Of all the people that could help me, Carp finds the one with separation anxiety.

“I came back.” Tinkletoes says.

“You did come back.” Mr. Donut says.

“It's the Fourth of July?” Tinkletoes adds.

“It is the Fourth of July.” Mr. Donut agrees. Mr. Donut's features soften a bit. A wry grin crosses his lips. “Rainbow Sprinkles. You naughty little minx. You missed your Daddy didn't you?”