Secure The Perimeter

“Secure the perimeter?” Mural Man asks.

“That sounds like a lot of work. Later man.” Ray says hanging up.

“Did he hang up?” Mural Man asks.

“Of course, I mentioned work.” Tinkletoes says. “He wasn't going to help. Besides this is my woman. My perimeter to secure.”

“He has to piss on every tree and poop in every corner.” TP pops in giggling and pops back out.

“That's a vivid picture.” Mural Man says. “You aren't really going to piss on every tree and poop in every corner are you?” Mural Man asks looking around the room and counting corners.

“No, that's just an expression and it only pertains to outside.” Tinkletoes says as he walks around the room looking out the windows and at the doors making plans. “ All that popping in and out is getting annoying. I'm going to have to talk with TP about that.”

“Talk with TP about what?” Writer Lady asks standing the the entryway.

“All that popping in and out of the room.”

“He does that when he says something obnoxious or makes a comment he doesn't want to answer questions about. It's kind of cute.” Writer Lady says. “Besides he doesn't do it often.”

“He does it to me all the time.” Tinkletoes says.

“Oh. Well, it's nice and quiet. Thanks for taking care of things in here.”

“Yeah.”

Several minutes pass.

“Well. It's getting really late I was wondering would you mind?”

“Mind what?” Tinkletoes asks.

“Going home.” Writer Lady says.

“No. I can't go home. Not at a time like this.”

“A time like what?” Writer Lady asks looking directly at Tinkletoes.

Tinkletoes searches the room for a reason to stay. He looks at Mural Man for help. Mural Man looks away and slides along the wall to the far end of the room. He looks down at his watch. “Would you look at the time? It's so late. I should go.”

Writer Lady nods.

“It has been a long day. You look tired.” Tinkletoes says, heading for the door. He stops for a moment, “I was wondering. I'm not tired. Would it be okay if I picked the shell casings up out of your yard?”

“I suppose so.”

“Thank you.”

Tinkletoes leaves closing the locked door behind him.

“Meow, meow. Yeow!” Dobby calls.

Writer Lady opens one eye and looks out from under the covers.

“Yeow!” Dobby calls jumping up onto the bed and landing on her head.

“Okay. Okay, kitty. I'm getting up.” Sitting up and yanking the blankets back she thumps into the kitchen feeding Dobby on auto-pilot. She changes the ginger tabby's water and heads to the bathroom to start her own morning ritual. Writer Lady returns to the kitchen several minutes later, face freshly scrubbed and teeth brushed. She makes coffee and yawns a lot.

“Would you look at the time? It's after nine a.m. Half the day is gone.” She says looking at Dobby. Dobby looks up at her with big soft eyes. “I'm sorry kitty. Breakfast was so late, forgive me?” Dobby blinks his forgiveness. “I don't have to work today. Thanks to your friend I don't have to mow either.” Writer Lady says looking down at Dobby sternly. “It's going to be really hot today. So he kind of did me a favor. But don't tell. Men like him get obnoxious if you're too nice. I think it will be okay until next week. I'll take a look in a minute.” Writer Lady fixes herself a cup of coffee. While taking that first welcome sip of caffeine she looks through the kitchen window at what can only be described as the area that used to be her front yard. She opens her mouth in astonishment. Closes it. Looks down at Dobby. Opens her mouth to say something, looks back through the window and stares.

“Mom?” Dobby asks.

“Well crap.” Writer Lady mutters turning around and putting her coffee cup on the kitchen counter. She tightens the belt on her robe and heads outside.

“Well hi.” Tinkletoes says looking up from his work. He has dug holes all over the lawn and it looks like a colony of groundhogs have been playing Hide and Seek in Writer Lady's yard.

“What's going on here? What do you think you're doing? Because it looks like you're tearing up my yard.”

“I'll tell ya. I was thinking about your problem and I decided the best way to solve it was to just...”

“Destroy the yard?”
“Well yeah. You don't have to mow the grass this way.”

Writer Lady glares at Tinkletoes.

“That is the stupidest most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.”

“And what's that back there for?” Writer Lady asks pointing to the barb wire fence that had been set up between the street and her yard line.

“That's to keep unwanted...critters out.”

“That wire goes up six feet! How many critters are six feet tall?”

“Bears?” Tinkletoes asks.

“There are no bears in this part of the state. That fence is dangerous. There are children in this neighborhood.”

“There might be a bear...someday. Or something tall like one.  Besides,a kid will only get near the fence once.”

“What about the child's parents?”

“The parents would only get into it once...they probably aren't that bright if they do.” Tinkletoes says. “Aren't parents supposed to keep kids in the house where they are safe anyway? You know locked up and stuff?”

“Parents shouldn't have to keep kids in the house all the time. Kids should be able to play outside...” Writer Lady gestures to the barbed wire fence, “safely.”

“Oh.” Tinkletoes says, continuing to dig.

“What are all these holes for?” Writer Lady asks.

“The land mines?”

“Land mines?” Writer Lady asks. She looks sadly at what used to be her yard, thinking for a moment, “I don't know what is going on here, but we are not at war. I will not have this mess. Take it down.”

Tinkletoes puts down his hand trowel and stands up to his full height. “It's imperative to your safety that I secure this perimeter. I wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't. Let me finish this.  You go inside and put more clothes on.  I almost saw things.”

“No.”

“No?” Tinkletoes asks. “You're saying 'No'?”

“That's exactly what I'm saying. This is my house and my yard. If I'm in the type of danger that warrants all of this,” she says gesturing with her hand, “I have a right to know about it.”

Tinkletoes pales slightly and says nothing.

“So...” Writer Lady says, waiting for further explanation, arms folded across her chest.

“There is a big danger. And barb wire fence keeps it out.” Tinkletoes says.

In a puff of smoke everything changes, “Tinkletoes is securing the perimeter to keep Monitor Man from the door.” TP announces giggling and disappears.