Getting Down And Dirty With A Stomach Bug

                                                     

  “Thanks?”  Mural Man responds as Tinkletoes leaves him standing in the corner wondering how to make such a request from a sick and potentially dangerous dragon.  “He's a reasonable...dragon.  I'll just ask.” Mural Man mutters returning to Diomedes, Dobby, and Tinkletoes.  “So, um...Diomedes.  I ...we would like to help you.  We don't know what to do.  We...”

Tinkletoes coughs.

“I was wondering if we could talk to Bugsy.”  He says finishing the request.

“A splendid idea sir.”  Diomedes agrees.

“So will you call him?”  Mural Man asks.

“I can try. I do not know if he will answer.   Considering the state of things...”

“Bugsy may not be alive.”   Tinkletoes offers.   “Or at least not living inside you.”

“He may have died at the hand of whatever attacked your digestive system.”  Mural Man suggests.

“He may have simply been expelled.”  Diomedes says.

“Bugsy could be anywhere.  In the carpeting, on the walls.”   Dobby agrees looking around the room.

“On our boots.”  Tinkletoes points out.

While the others contemplate Bugsy's fate Diomedes closes his eyes and concentrates, several moments pass, opening them he announces, “Bugsy is still with me.  I can still sense his presence although it is not as strong as it was before.  I will communicate your request.”  The dragon closes his eyes again.  “I have extended your invitation.  Bugsy says he is on his way.”

“What happens now?”   House asks.

“We wait.”  Tinkletoes says.

As quill scratches along parchment Carp's words resonate throughout the bonus room.

Our hero waits.

Alert and ready for action.

Our hero waits.

Patiently and without complaint.

Our hero waits.

With the quiet contemplation of a seasoned, calculating leader.

Our hero waits...

“Do we have to keep listening to this?”  Dylan asks.

“If you want to see what happens next you do.”  Peter answers.

“How about if we make him tell us what we want to know?”  Ray asks.

“What do you mean make him?”  Writer Lady asks.

“Like truth serum or something.”

“That doesn't work on magical creatures.”  TP says.  “Silly Human.”

Tinkletoes, Dobby, Mural Man, and House all wait for Bugsy to arrive.   Diomedes naps while he is waiting. The dragon's eyes are closed, his breathing steady.

“This feels like it's taking forever.”  Dobby says.

“It does, doesn't it?”  Mural Man agrees.

“Big dragon.   Little bug.  It's supposed to take a while.”  Tinkletoes announces.

“While you boys are waiting could we begin to clean up?  All of the excrement isn't good for my carpets.”  House says.

“Until we're sure the diarrhea is over, what's the point?”  Tinkletoes counters.

“Unlike you some of us have grooming standards.”  House says.

“I have standards.  High ones.  But what's the point in showering if in two hours you're going to be up to your neck in mud again?”

“He's right.”  Dobby agrees.

“Maybe I should just ask about calling for Bugsy again.   He might be hurt or something.”   Mural Man offers.

Diomedes opens his eyes.   “Bugsy is here.”  He announces. “I hope that we can remedy this situation.   You may need an illumination device.”  Diomedes stops talking and opens wide.

“We need a flashlight.”  Tinkletoes says.

Dobby retrieves one.

Bugsy makes his entrance slowly.  Climbing up an esophagus is hot work and by the time the stomach bug has made it over the back of Diomedes' tongue, stopping at a back tooth that a rope has been tied around to relieve himself of the other end and loop it around the aforementioned tooth, Bugsy is tired.  Regardless, the stomach bug walks purposefully to the front of Diomedes' mouth stopping just inside the dragon's front bottom teeth.  Taking an authoritative stance on the tip of the dragon's tongue.  A squeak is released by the tiny black bug.  Everyone who is not a bug is left scratching their heads.   Bugsy squeaks again.

“What?”  Tinkletoes asks Dobby.

“I'm a cat.  How would I know what he's saying?”

“SQUEAK!”  Bugsy squeaks again with great emphasis.

“He says 'Hello'.”  Diomedes says.

“Oh.”  Tinkletoes responds.  “You aren't moving your mouth.  How are you doing that?”  He asks.

“Through my claw.”   The dragon responds.  One of Diomedes' front legs is held out, his claw is open.

“The sound is coming out of the end of Diomedes' claws like a bunch of mini-speakers.”   Dobby says.

“Squeak, squeak, squuueak, squeaak.”  Bugsy continues.

“Bugsy says 'Hello.  It's about time you showed up.'”

“What?”  Mural Man asks.

Bugsy looks up at the roof of the dragon's mouth and closing his eyes concentrates for a moment.

“Bugsy will send messages directly to me to tell you his thoughts in an effort to save time.”  Diomedes says.

“Great.  That squeaking is pretty annoying.”  Tinkletoes says.

Bugsy makes a rude gesture to the self-proclaimed mercenary and continues his tirade.

“Your faerie nearly killed me.  What are you going to do about it?”  Diomedes says.

“You're the one who's supposed to help us.”  Tinkletoes says.

The tiny black bug's face turns red.   Bugsy reaches behind his back and pulls out a semi-automatic machine gun.  He aims for the group.  “Your faerie nearly killed me.   What are you going to do about it?”

Dobby and Mural Man raise their paws/hands.

“Whoa...there lil' guy.”  Tinkletoes says with a grin, “We can get this worked out.”

“Be careful Tinkletoes.   He could be dangerous.”  Mural Man warns.

“What? Him?”  Tinkletoes steps closer to Diomedes' mouth and peers inside. “Dangerous or no, he's my kind of bug.   Strong, independent.  He's done what he's had to do in this situation.  He's gone Commando.”   He says with a grin.

“Actually I think you have the wrong term.”  Mural Man suggests.

“He doesn't.”  Dobby says.  “Take a look.”

Mural Man leans in to get a better look at the stomach bug.  “No pants.”  He looks at Tinkletoes.  “Commando is the correct term.”

“What?”  Tinkletoes asks.

“Bugsy's not wearing any pants.”

“Of course he's not wearing any pants.  He's a bug.   What the hell does he need pants for?”