Fireworks

“No more butts.  It's time to fix this.”  Tinkletoes says.

“We haven't gotten to the synonyms yet.”  Dobby says.

“It's over.”

“We haven't come out the other end.”

“Dobby.”

“O...kay.”  The ginger tabby responds.

“We are going to send both types of magic into Diomedes at the same time to neutralize everything that is irritating him.”  Mural Man repeats the plan for those that did not read last week's post.   Shame on you...go back and read it.  We'll wait (waiting music plays).   Back?  Okay then.

“Your delivery system?”  Diomedes asks.

“Huh?”  Tinkletoes responds.

“How are we going to get the spells inside Diomedes?”  Mural Man asks.

“Shoot it up his a...”  Tinkletoes begins.
Dobby holds up pictures of younger readers.
“His pos...post...we'll shoot in the magic from behind.”   Tinkletoes says.

“Sir.  If you don't mind, my backside is a bit, tender at the moment.”  Diomedes says.

“Oh...um...yeah.”

“Maybe if we fed him something.”  Mural Man suggests.

“Like what?”  (More waiting music plays as several minutes pass.)  “Come on guys.  Someone must have some ideas.”   Tinkletoes looks around the room as the others avoid his eyes.  “How about you Dobby?”

“Mom always takes care of that stuff.  Illness, comfort foods.”

Tinkletoes stands up and paces the floor, squishing with every step. “Men...Something is wrong here.”

“What is it?”   Mural Man asks.

“Nothing has gone right since this whole thing started.   We are missing some of our fellow soldiers.  We need Ray and Carp.”  He says.

“Okay.”

“TP.

“The faerie that helped make this mess that makes sense.”  Mural Man agrees.

“And Writer Lady.”

Dobby looks at Mural Man gesturing furiously for him to help shoot the idea down.

“We don't need her?”  Mural Man counters.

“Yes we do.”  Tinkletoes says.

“No we don't.”

“Yes we do.”

Dobby gestures more furiously.

“No.   What do you want another woman in here for?  She's just going to carry on about the mess.  Trust me,”  Mural Man says, leaning in close,   “you don't want her here.   The females in this place are really high maintenance.”

“What!?”  House screeches.

“I didn't mean you dear.”  Mural Man calls out to House.

“Well...then!  Who did you mean?”

A tug on the leg of Tinkletoes' pants gets his attention and he looks down to find Dobby standing next to him.

“See?”  Dobby says.   “You don't want that in your life.”

Tinkletoes squats down and leans in to whisper to the ginger tabby.   “Okay Dobby.  What is this really about?”  He asks.

“You're supposed to be on a romantic quest.   If you call Mom to help then the fair maiden is saving your butt which makes the terms of your romantic quest null and void.  You won't win Mom's heart with your gesture.”

“Yeah.”   Tinkletoes says.   “That is important.   A romantic quest is a big deal.  If you think about it this thing with Diomedes happened before I had a chance to commence my journey.  My quest hasn't even started yet.”

Dobby looks at him doubtfully.

“Okay it has.  My butt isn't in any danger.   I'll be calling her in with a group of others so it's not like she heard about my quest and came looking for me because she knew I couldn't take care of myself.   It's a request.  In the end it will be her decision to join this...”  Tinkletoes looks around the room,  “whatever it is we're doing here.   Think about your Mom, what she would want.  If it came right down to it, if she had to choose would she want that romantic moment with the fireworks, the music playing all around and well...me or would she want to know that Diomedes is well again and no longer suffering.”

“A clean house, she would love to have a clean house too!”  House exclaims.

“She'd probably want that too.”  Tinkletoes agrees.

“She would want Diomedes to be okay before anything else.”   Dobby says, his head drooping in disappointment.

“That's what we love about her.   Right?”  Tinkletoes asks.

“Yeah.”   Dobby agrees.

“Don't worry, buddy.  We'll get this sorted out, just not right now.  Right now it's time to call in for reinforcements.   You know your mission?”   He asks Dobby.

“Yeah.”  Dobby says making his way out of the living room.   He stops just inside the kitchen to remove his helmet, combat boots, and protective suit (okay...garbage bag).  The ginger tabby makes the short trek to the bonus room where Writer Lady and Ray are reading a list of things to TP while TP quietly shakes his head from his soak in the hot tub.

“Anti-diahrreal?”  Writer Lady asks.

“No.”  TP says.

“Antibiotics?”  Ray asks.

“No.”

“Aspirin?”

“No.   There is no medicine in Faerie.  You must use your own.”  TP states once again.

“Duuude...”   Ray says.

“I know, the synonyms aren't working.”  Writer Lady says.  “I wonder what else we can try.”

“Mom.”   Dobby calls sitting down behind her.

“Herbal remedies maybe?”  She asks Ray.

“No one can ignore the power of the herbs.”  Ray answers.   “High five!”  He says raising a hand to gesture.

Writer Lady looks at Ray without saying a word.

“No high five.”   Ray says, there is disappointment in his voice.

“Mom.”

“We need to compile a list of herbs, quickly.  Do you know if Carp has ever written books about medicine women or herbal healers.”

“Duuude.”

“Women with brains fall in love too Ray.”

“Mom!”   Dobby calls out.

“What is it kitty?”   Writer Lady asks turning around.

“It's Diomedes he's still sick and his stomach bug says it's TP's fault.”  Dobby answers.

“Is not.”  TP argues.

“Diomedes has a stomach bug that talks?”  Writer Lady asks.

“It's complicated.”   Dobby says.  “Mom, Tinkletoes can't do this alone.  He needs help.  Your help.”

At the sound of these words Carp stops writing.   “Don't even think about it.”  He says approaching Writer Lady.  “You cannot go.”

“I'm going.”  Writer Lady says.

“If you go the romantic quest...”

“will be null and void.  I know.”  Writer Lady says finishing Carp's sentence.  “I'm going anyway.”

“Someone's going to die alone.”  Carp sings out as Writer Lady walks past him.  She turns and glares at him.  She turns back towards the living room and takes one step forward.

Writer Lady quietly mutters “No” and turns around again.  “I wasn't going to say anything but...”

Ray and Dobby groan simultaneously.

“I think it's time we straightened some things out here.”