Make It Stop

“Dude.  You've got a marshmallow fire truck on your nose.   Now it's stuck to your butt.”  Ray's voice can be heard in the hallway.

Dobby and Tinkletoes enter the living room to find Carp waiting for them.

“Are you sure that you want to keep this plan in place?”  Carp asks Tinkletoes.  “I have been watching the kittens and they are pretty wound up.”

Spots slides past the kitchen's entry with a cellophane wrapped toy in his mouth.  Ray follows close behind.  “Dude.  That's the toy surprise, whoever opens the box gets that.  I opened the box.”

  Spots gains his footing and picks up speed running away from Ray.  Ray runs past the entry, he loses his balance sliding into the refrigerator door.  Spots stops, returning to Ray without the toy.  He sniffs at Ray for a minute.  The kitten looks at Ray, looks at the refrigerator door, looks back at Ray.  The kitten shakes his head and leaves.

  The open box of cereal falls from the counter landing onto the floor.  Smudge follows jumping from the counter top, landing easily on Ray's chest.  Ray groans, the added weight pushing air out of his lungs.

 “They've taken out Ray.”   Carp says looking at Tinkletoes.

“Ray is a low level target.”  Tinkletoes points out.

“They did take him out without much effort or training.”  Dobby adds.

Tinkletoes looks at Dobby then back at the kittens.  They are alternately jumping on and off of Ray's stomach as they race around him stopping periodically to chew on his hair or bat at his nose.

“Make it stop.”  Ray calls out.  “Make it stop.”

“These new recruits show potential.”  Tinkletoes says.   “The next lessons are discipline and taking orders.”

“Taking orders."  Carp repeats laughing a little bit.   “Who's going to do that job?”

  Tinkletoes and Dobby look at each other and then at Carp.

“Me?”  Carp asks.

“You know about discipline Carp, you used to write all that girlie stuff.   Writing girlie stuff takes discipline.”  Tinkletoes says.

“One of the most useful tools for establishing discipline is intimidation.  You're better at that.”  Carp says.

“This is a chance for you to get better at it.”   Tinkletoes counters.

The self-proclaimed mercenary looks at Dobby and whispers,  “The kittens need experience interacting with a higher level target.”  The ginger tabby nods briefly.

 Tinkletoes turns back to Carp,  “You can do this soldier.  Now get in there and teach those kittens discipline.  Start with the basics.”

“Step 1.  Line them up and break them down.”

Tinkletoes nods.  He and Dobby take their leave.

The kittens are wrestling on the kitchen floor.  Rolling, tumbling, clawing, and chewing on each other all over Ray's body.  Chewing on Ray's body.  Ray lays on the floor with his eyes closed and mutters quietly,  “Make it stop, make it stop.”

Carp walks into the kitchen, redirects the kittens to other pursuits, and walks over to Ray.

Ray opens one eye,  “Is it okay?  Is it safe?”  He asks.

Carp nods.

“What did you do?”  Ray asks.

“I threw a ball and got Spots' attention.”

“The other one?”

A crinkly noise is heard coming from the laundry room.

“Is that my toy surprise?”  Ray asks.

“A necessary sacrifice.”  Carp answers.

“Dude...I've been waiting for that one.  It completes a set.”

“Necessary sacrifices Ray.”  Carp repeats.  “Are you done experimenting or would you like me to leave you three alone?”  He asks.

“I am done.   Those kittens are hardcore.  They rock way harder than I do.”

Carp reaches out giving Ray a hand up.

Ray rises, dusting himself off.  He studies his body closely. “Do you see any blood?”   He asks.  “How's my hair?”

Carp looks at Ray taking stock, the same slept in clothes, the same eyes with the same slightly distant expression, his shoulder length hair still the same frayed mass of frizz it always was.  “It looks great.”  He says.

“Good.   I think I've got a date later or something.  It's a relief to know that I won't have to shower.”

“Ray,”  Carp says,  “go ahead and shower.”

Ray stares at Carp with a vacant expression.

“You said it was a date.  You've been playing with cats.  What if she's allergic to cats?”

Ray stares then a light slowly dawns.  “Dude!  You're right.  That is so brilliant.” Ray says.   “I'm gonna take off now.”  He makes his way through the laundry room and into the bonus room where the kittens are wrestling, both yearning to have complete custody of the cereal box prize.   “You guys rock hard.”  The kittens stop playing and watch Ray closely.   “It was fun.   Catch you later man.” Ray says to the kittens before leaving the house.   Smudge watches the door close, seeing that his brother is distracted Spots pounces pinning him to the floor and chewing on an ear.

Carp stands in the bonus room doorway watching Spots and Smudge play.  “You two do have lots of energy and you are relentless with your prey.”  Carp says to himself as he watches Smudge abandon his brother to rip the head off of a toy mouse.   “I can see why Tinkletoes wants to bring you in, but to find a way to control when and how you use it...”

“Yeah.   Good luck with that.”  House says from the other side of the door frame. “Those little monsters are destroying everything.”  She says.

“They're like little kids aren't they?”  Carp asks.  “You can't expect a toddler not to color on the floor or the wall at least once.”

“Coloring on the wall I can deal with.  They have been scratching them.”   House says.

“Scratches can be painted over.”

“Not these scratches.”  House says.  “The little monsters are the devil incarnate.”

“Darling it's okay.   I'm fine.”  Mural Man's voice can be heard coming from the bonus room.

“No you're not.  You were attacked mercilessly and I want justice!”  House exclaims.

Carp steps into the bonus room to get a look at the paper couple.  “What's the trouble?”  He asks.

“You don't see that?”  House groans.

“See what?”

“Mural Man.  They've shredded my baby's sweet booty.”