Waiting For A Story

Pirate begins to close his hand around Excalibur’s hilt as it disappears and escapes his grasp.

“Bugger….Bloody...Bugger!” He curses. Pirate removes his moonstone earring,once the change has taken place, peers into the crystal ball that it has become. He sees their next destination. “I need a drink.” The privateer announces.

Both Tinkletoes and Monitor Man can see that quenching a thirst is far from Pirate’s central motivation.

“The bar’s inside. Let’s get you that drink.”

The threesome turn around and head back the way that they came.

Monitor Man stops walking. “I have a question.” He says. “What did you see?”

Pirate stops, turns his gaze from the bar’s back door to Tinkletoes then Monitor Man. “The gates of Hell, my friend. The gates of Hell.”

“No wonder you look a little pale.” Tinkletoes says.

“Aye.”

The door to the bar opens and the song “Midnight At The Oasis” spills outside. Sandy stands in the entry, the light illuminating from behind him. “Every time Excalibur moves, the closer to the Lady of the Lake it becomes.” The bouncer says.

“Until it reaches her shores.” Monitor Man offers.

“Aye. The gates of Hell.” Pirate says and hangs his head.

“It is only your hell.” Sandy counters.

“What happens if we miss the next stop?” Tinkletoes asks.

“Yeah. What happens if Excalibur reappears on the Lady of the Lake’s shores?” Monitor Man asks.

“What do you think happens?” Tinkletoes asks. “She kicks his butt.” The self-proclaimed mercenary looks at Pirate.

“What are you so scared of? Is she an ex?” Monitor Man asks.

“That is how the story goes.” Sandy says.

“No, she can't be.  The Lady of the Lake lives in fresh water. Pirates are lovers of the sea...” Monitor Man says.

Tinkletoes’ eyes sparkle and a grin crosses his lips. “It was her eyes. Her eyes were like two pools of water.”

Pirate raises his head and looks at Tinkletoes. He is not happy.

“Her smile brighter than the sun. I know, it was her long flowing tresses. Is that what they’re called, ‘tresses’? I heard Carp and Mural Man talkin’ about a woman’s ‘tresses’ once. Real men don’t use those kinds of words.” Tinkletoes says.

Pirate’s face reddens a bit. It stops. The color diminishes as quickly as it appeared. A smile crosses his lips. “Aye, her eyes are as deep and blue as the ocean and her smile brighter than the warmest sun. But, as the story goes, ‘tis how the waters run down the Lady of the Lake’s curves that draws a pirate in completely.”

“Those must be some curves.” Tinkletoes says with a grin.

“Aye. They have to be to entice a pirate into fresh water.” Pirate says with a devilish look in his eyes and a grin. “So you like a good story, do you?” 

Carp enters the room holding a scrap of cold pizza, “Of course you do. Let me fill you in on all of the juicy little details. Is there any more pizza?”

“Damon just took the last piece.” Peter says.

“What’s happened?” Paige asks Carp.

Carp turns to see Damon digging into the last piece being fully aware that he can hardly take food from a grown demon with a fully developed pair of razor sharp horns, the assassin-in-training sighs, “I will tell you as soon as I find more food.”

“Inter-dimensional travel makes humans hungry.” TP announces.

“House? I was wondering if you might cook something.” Carp says.

“No can do Fancy Pants.”

“I know how you feel about Tinkletoes. I won’t tell. I promise.”

“I’m a house you dunce, no thumbs.” House answers. “I can’t cook.”

Mural Man nods his head. “Trust me. She can’t. Not here.” Mural Man whispers, “Even in Faerie she can’t cook.”

“That’s not what you said in Faerie. You said that the food had disappeared so quickly that you didn’t realize that you had eaten anything.”

“That’s because I hadn’t. I waited until you took a nap and fed it to the grass gators.”

“You what?!” The walls of the bonus room change color from their standard antique white to dark red then to bright red as her anger rises.

Mural Man pales, “The grass gators. I wasn’t feeling good, the whole switch from paper to human form made me a little bit woozy and they looked really hungry.”

“I spent a whole day planning that meal and the next one cooking and you fed it to the grass gators!”

“If it’s any consolation the grass gators ate it all. They looked full and happy when they left.”

House is still fuming.

“Carp, may I retract my previous statement? I would like to say that House makes stupendous grass gator chow.”

“Stupendous?” Carp asks.

“Stupendous.”

“House,” Carp says. “Mural Man confesses that your cooking is stupendous. Since I cannot enjoy your amazing skills I will have to go with pantry pilfering.”

Aunt Purdy looks at Paige, gives the girl one more hug and heads for the kitchen. “Don’t worry Carp. I’ll make sure that everyone gets something to eat.” Carp reaches for her arm and stops her in mid-stride. “Aunt Purdy you are as caring as you are charming.”

Aunt Purdy smiles, leans in, and whispers. “That is lovely. Save it for your next book.”

Carp drops his hand.

Aunt Purdy continues smiling and gives him a wink. “I’ll have something ready in no time,” she says and disappears into the kitchen.

Paige sits down at the table in the bonus room and points to the chair next to her. When nothing happens she looks at Carp, and points to the chair.

Carp sits down.

“Your dinner is coming.” The nine year-old girl says. “Spill.”

“Okay, bossy.”

“It’s not bossy. I have leadership qualities.”

“Tell that to your future mother-in-law someday. She won’t buy it either.”

Damon crosses the room and stops behind Carp’s chair. “Tell.” He says.

“There we are. Tinkletoes and I walking through Faerie. We found a road early on and the first creature that we encounter is an antelope.”

“An antelope?” Paige asks and crinkles her nose clearly disappointed.

“Antelope. Good.” Damon says.

Carp turns and faces Damon. “Black Buck is my friend. Please don’t talk about him like he’s food.” He turns back to Paige.

“Antelope good food.” Damon says.

Carp begins to turn and make his point to the demon again, Paige reaches out and touches his arm. “Would you please just get to the story?”

“Okay. Where was I?”

“You met an antelope.”

A Thump Thump Thump comes from outside the back door. Then knocking.

“She comes.” Damon says.

Peter crosses the room and opens the door.