The TrueBlue Stages Of Not Dating PT 2

Don’t write that lonely, single girl crap. I hate that. Oh and Brad will love the piece if you make it funny.

-- Chty

Tessa looked at the clock. Four pm. "I guess I’ll just write something and hope that it can be carved into something better." She muttered to herself.

“So, why are you single?”

Everyone has heard that question at one time in their lives or another.

I want to ask, why?

Why do single people have to explain why they’re single if married people don’t have to explain why they’re married?

It’s such a common question. But a rude one that our society has accepted as okay.

No, No, NO! That is not funny. At all.

Tessa had been single for seven years. In 2019, it would be eight. After the first three to five years of explaining her single status it had become tiring. She noticed that after the first five years, people had started to wonder what was wrong with her because she had been single for so long. The questions became more frequent and more probing all of the time.

Her phone buzzed again.

One trick for writing a good humor piece is to write it like a monologue, like you’re speaking in a comedy club or telling a group of friends a funny story.

-- Chty

Tessa texted back a half-hearted: Thnx.

Tessa tried to picture herself in a comedy club. She’d never been to one so she decided to picture her cousin Samurai’s bar and grill. It was small and located in a remote village.
  Her cousin, Samurai, loved the family but he also believed that absence made the heart grow fonder. He also never played well with others.

Winters were long in the village. When the nights got too long people would hang out at Samurai’s. They would take turns standing in the center of the room and entertain each other. Tessa closed her eyes and pictured them in her mind. She remembered musicians, poets, jugglers, conjurers. There was a lady wearing unusually marked robes that called herself, “The Enchantress of Lost Species.” The lost species were always invisible. No one could see them but the enchantress herself.

A smile that began in Tessa’s eyes found its way to her lips and she began scribbling furiously. Within moments, she could see herself standing in the middle of Samurai’s bar.

She looks around the darkened room. She can make out shapes, figures. Not many faces, she had not been to Cousin Samurai’s since she was a young girl. “Hi. My name is Tessa. Tessa TrueBlue.”

Cousin Samurai grumbles from behind the bar. Apparently the TrueBlue legend has traveled to even the furthest reaches of her homeland. It was probably Samurai who had told them the tale. She ignores it and continues.

“How many of you here tonight are single?” Tessa looks around the room. About a third of them raise their hands. Most of them are ogres. Understandable. Ogres don’t generally play well with others either.

“Me too.” She smiles. “I have been single for about six years now.” Tessa focuses on a gentleman sitting close to the bar. “How long have you been single?” She asks. She puts a hand to her ear and pretends to strain to hear the answer. “Two years? Two months.”

The gentleman corrects her.

“Two weeks.” She nods. “Rookie.” She says with a grin. “Wait until you’ve been single for as long as I have.”

The gentleman nods, adjusting his cravat. She recognizes him as a member of the High Council. Tessa remembers a gentleman used to stop by Samurai’s regularly when traveling from home to the capital city, Kaleidoscope, he loved...the chili.

Tessa thought for a moment, looked at the audience, then turned back to the gentleman. “No, wait...I take it back. I don’t want you to be alone this long.”

She can hear “What’s so bad about it?” echo throughout the room. A member of the audience wants to know. She looks around the room to find the source of the question and sees an attractive woman sitting in the back. The gentleman turns to look at the woman and smiles. Good for him.

“Not too much is bad about it. Dealing with difficult stuff of life with no one to lean on (family is wonderful but  sometimes they're not the same) can be hard,  I get tired of deciding what to cook for dinner all of the time. When the long and cold winter nights start dragging on too long for too many weeks that’s a bear. Mostly...I’m okay with it. Then someone points it out to me and wants to talk about it. Someone always wants to talk about it don’t they?”

Some of the members of the audience nod in agreement.

“There is a process that one goes through during a long stretch of time alone. Tonight, I’m going to share it with all of you. People’s questions have changed the longer that I have been single.  Okay, I admit it, my answers have changed over the years too. Here it is. What I like to call, ‘The Stages of Not Dating’. These explanations for not dating work for varying periods of time depending on how many people you have asking you questions.

Stage 1: I Got Burned. My ex-really broke my heart.

That explanation can work for up to two years for some people. Sometimes it takes longer to get over these things.

Stage 2: I’m Taking Time Off From Dating To Get To Know Myself. 
If you’re lucky, most people don’t even notice that you never started dating again and don't stop to ask how you can need a break from something that you haven't actually been doing.

Getting to know yourself is a good thing. It can be a wonderful time. You will get to know yourself, really well. Unfortunately, you also get a freakishly clear picture of what you don’t want in a mate. You could find yourself seeing these faults in everyone who is attractive to you.

Stage 3: I’m Enjoying Living On My Own.

Enjoying life as a single person is a natural next step after getting to know yourself. There are many good aspects to living on your own. If you have a lot of close family and friends you could stay in stage three for an extended period of time.

But, even the happiest, most social person is going to run into that point where loved ones start to wonder about you. 
If you’re not the most social person, all too soon they begin to question how you can be having so much fun...alone. There seems to be some unwritten rule somewhere that a person is only allowed to have so much fun by themselves. I wish someone had told me that earlier.  I would have paced myself.