When Morning Comes Too Early Excerpt "Heather Darling and the Case of the Clockwork Cannibal" HR Apostos

“Do you want to meet me for lunch?” He asks.

I mutter something incoherent.

“I am an optimistic man and I rocked it last night so I’m going to take that as a ‘yes’.”

I nod, mutter, and point to his dirty clothes that have grown into a pile on my bedroom floor. I hear movement and know that he’s glancing at the clock.

“I’m going to be late. I’ve got to go.”

I take a deep breath of his scent as he kisses me one more time. I hear the door close softly. Detective Farina is gone.

I am just settling on to my chaise on an abandoned beach next to a well oiled and tan looking Farina when…the door creaks. I hear four paws and several nails tap tap tapping across my bedroom floor. Then a weight upsets the quiet of my bed. There is a scent of doggy breath and something licks my ear. “We worked last night Grey. I’m still sleeping.”

Grey licks my cheek. I lift a hand without looking and give the wire-haired terrier mix an ear scratch. “I’ll get up in an hour. Go back to bed.” I feel him move to the foot of the bed and curl up into his favorite spot, where Farina’s feet had been minutes earlier. Grey licks a few times, sighs, and everything is quiet again.

A few minutes later, another set of paws skitter across the floor. I feel new weight on the bed. The mattress shifts with each step. The new arrival comes to a stop next to my face. A paw lands on top of my head, a wet one. Smelly too.

“Buddy. Buddy!” I hear Heather calling as she walks up the stairs. “Let’s go! Mommy’s got your bath water run. I found Squeakie.” Heather walks up the hall and through my bedroom squeaking all the way. “There you are. Naughty Boy.”

I try not to move. Heather sees movement. Every movement. I try to hold my breath but a sneeze escapes.

“Good, you’re up.” She says cheerfully.

Too damn cheerfully if you ask me.

“No, I’m not.”

Heather’s footsteps cross the room. I hear her stop next to my side of the bed. The weight next to my head lifts when she picks up Buddy.

“Open your eyes.” She says.

“No.” I cuddle further into my warm cocoon, refusing to budge.

“Heather Darling, open your eyes and look at your bed sheets.”

I open one eye to see a dark blob on the sheet in front of me. Then I open both of them. There is a mess of black/brown goo on my bed sheets.

“Now sniff.”

I glare at Heather for a moment and then do as ordered.

“Buddy is in fine form today. He’s in such fine form that when I let the boys out to do their business this morning after doing his thing,”

“Peeing.” I mutter.

“He proceeded to roll over for a back rub in mud and a pile of...”

“Shit.”

“Exactly. So as it turns out Heather Darling, you are now up for the day.”

“Crap.”