Men: In The Wild

Two women are outside, laying behind a fallen tree. They have binoculars.

Woman One:

I can't believe you dragged me out here.

Especially on a Sunday.

Woman Two:

You have to go outside some time.

Woman One:

It's Sunday. My day of rest.

Woman Two:

What did I find you doing on your day of rest?

Woman One:

Resting?

(Woman Two glares at Woman One)

Woman Two:

When I got to your house there was

laundry in the dryer.

The crock pot was going.

You were vacuuming and there was

no dust anywhere.

Woman One:

Housecleaning can be done on Sunday.

It's very...um...restful.

Besides those were just a few simple

chores I

wanted to get out of the way before I started resting.

Woman Two:

You weren't resting.

Woman One:

I was.

Woman Two:

Was that your only load of laundry in the dryer?

Woman One:

My second.

Okay, my resting skills need refining.

Do we have to do this?

It's so boring.

Woman Two:

What? The staying in one place and not moving?

Woman One nods.

Woman Two:

It's called resting. Sooner or later you'll learn to recognize it.

Woman One:

What are we doing here? Hiding behind a tree in the park on a Sunday.

Woman Two:

Kelly called.

There are new men in town.

(Woman One shakes her head and sighs)

Woman One:

You always do this.

Smell a new man and get weird.

Woman Two:

Yeah. Fresh meat.

Woman One:

You see them. You stalk them.

You get us into trouble.

Woman Two:

I don't get us into trouble.

I don't stalk them. I'm friendly.

Woman One:

I have copies of three restraining orders in my

desk drawer because of you.

Woman Two:

I don't get you into trouble.

Woman One:

I promise I'll act normal again if I could just have a lock of his hair.

I promise I'll be okay if I can look at the tracking app and know where he is.

I promise to leave him alone if I can have a copy of his house key.

I'm the one who gets in trouble. It's never you. It's always me.

Woman Two:

(adjusting binoculars)

Shhh! Here they come.

Woman One:

(pans to the right, back to the left)

Where? I don't see any men.

Woman Two:

They're practically in front of us.

Woman One:

I don't see anything.

No camo, no plaid, no facial hair.

Woman Two:

Exactly. They've showered.

Woman One:

Oh...the view is improving around here, isn't it?

Woman Two:

I bet they smell good.

Woman One:

Here we go...

Woman Two:

Wait...they're turning around. We'll see their faces.

(The men turn around.)

Woman One:

They are gorgeous.

What a shame.

Imports.

Woman Two:

Sexy too.

They're not staying.

Damn.

Woman One:

(lowers binoculars)

Coffee?

Woman Two:

Are there cookies?

Woman One:

There will be. I have fresh cookie dough in the refrigerator.

I mixed it up this morning.