Ray's The Cat

Ray follows Writer Lady into the kitchen, food bowl in hand with Tinkletoes bringing up the rear.

“I have no idea what to put in the bowl.  I don't keep a lot of snacks around the house.”  Writer Lady says as she searches through cabinets.

“Maybe I can just eat what's in here.”  Ray suggests picking up a kibble and putting it into his mouth.  Ray turns a little pale and starts coughing.   “It's a little stale.”  He croaks.

“That's the healthy food.  Dobby has a habit of tasting each kibble and rejecting the healthy food.  It must go stale faster because the kibbles are dampened.”

“So every kibble in that bowl has already been in Dobby's mouth?”  Tinkletoes asks.

“Yes.”  Writer Lady confirms.

Ray pales further.

“I guess it's time to hope the lil' guy doesn't have worms.”  Tinkletoes whispers, patting Ray on the back.

“I try to keep his bowls clean and the food fresh.” Writer Lady says offering to take the bowl from Ray's hand.  Ray relinquishes it all too willingly.

“Do you worm Dobby?  You know, regularly?”  Tinkletoes asks grinning.

“You know I don't.”  Writer Lady says.   “Dobby is a house cat who rarely spends time with other animals.”  Furnatche runs through the kitchen.  “Unless dragons have some kind of worm or parasite...”

Ray coughs.

“Dobby gets wormed every year when I take him to the vet for his shots.  His appointment is next week, I hope he gets back in time.”

Ray stands still, mouth hanging open as if to speak but no words are coming out.

“Don't worry, Ray.  I won't be taking you to the vet.  None of that nasty wormer for you.”   Thinking of something Writer Lady snaps her fingers, Ray jumps.  “I have some cheese puffs in the cabinet.”  Writer Lady crosses the kitchen to pull a bag out of the pantry.  “Okay, they aren't cheese puffs they're cheese balls. But it's a new bag; never been opened.”

“Perfect.”  Tinkletoes says.

Smiling Writer Lady heads for another cabinet to pull out a cereal bowl.

“Uh...uh.  He's the cat.”  Tinkletoes points out.

“Yes he is.”  Writer Lady winks at Tinkletoes to show him she's playing along. “I have a clean food dish right here.” She says pouring some cheese puffs into the bowl and handing it to Ray.

“Thanks.”  Ray mutters.

“Is something wrong?”  Writer Lady asks.

“Yeah Ray.  What's the trouble?”   Tinkletoes asks.

Writer Lady looks at Tinkletoes with a worried expression.

“It's okay...he'll be his old self in no time.  Short attention span.”  He says.

Writer Lady looks at Tinkletoes doubtfully.

“If you watch him you can almost see his mind going blank again.  Ray's going to get really quiet and then three, two, one...”  Tinkletoes says.

Ray shakes his head, looks around the room, looks down, sees the bowl, and says,  “Cheese balls, Cool!”

Writer Lady looks at Tinkletoes.

“I'm the cat.”  Ray says, raising the bowl to his mouth and eats a cheese ball.

“Better?”  Writer Lady asks.

Ray nods.

“They're one of Ray's favorites.”  Tinkletoes says.

“Dobby's too.”  Writer Lady says.   “And no.  I didn't feed him cheese balls. Sometimes I would let him lick a little bit of the cheese off of my fingers.”

Ray looks at Tinkletoes.

“Don't even think about it.”  Tinkletoes says.  “You have your food, so get going.”

Ray takes his bowl of “food” into the living room which immediately inspires Dylan to come into the kitchen.  “Ray has cheese balls, can I have some?”   Dylan asks.  Writer Lady hands him the bag and Dylan skips out of the kitchen before Writer Lady has a chance to change her mind.   “Don't spill.  Share!” Writer Lady calls after him.

“So...how are you feeling now?  You still look a little bit sad.”   Tinkletoes holds out both arms.  “Come here.”

“I'm worried about Dobby but I'm okay.”

“It's okay really.”  Tinkletoes says.  “Come here.”

“I'm fine.”  Writer Lady says.  “Thank you.”

“If you change your mind.  I'm right here.”  He says, lowering his arms.

“Okay.”

“Anytime.  It doesn't matter.  I'm right here.”  Tinkletoes stresses.

“Thanks.  I'll remember that.”

“Duuuude!”   Ray's exclamation can be heard from the living room.  Anticipating an argument over the bag of cheese balls, Writer Lady heads towards the living room followed closely by Tinkletoes.

“There's a picture!”  Ray says looking up from his discovery and smiling.   Ray has settled himself on the floor near the coffee table within sight of the television screen.  Dylan is sitting next to him.

“Yes there is.”  Writer Lady confirms.

Ray continues nosing his way through the magical bowl of cheese balls.  “It's a picture of a dog, cool.”  A cheese ball falls out of the bowl and rolls across the table.  Flicking it with his fingers, Dylan sends it rolling along the table.   “Really cool.”  Ray says.   He looks around the room for another place to try out the rolling cheese ball thing.  His eye stops at Dobby's plastic track toy, picking up his food dish Ray crosses the distance walking on his knees, removes the plastic white ball that is usually in the track and replaces it with a cheese ball. Reaching down he flicks at the cheese ball separating the top third of the ball from it's bottom and making a mess.  

  "It needs lubricant."  Dylan says absentmindedly as he channel surfs.  

  "No it doesn't."  Ray argues, brushing away crumbs.

  "Does too!"  Dylan responds.

  "Did you hear something?"  Tinkletoes asks Writer Lady.

  "No."  

  "I think it came from the bonus room."  He says.

  "Dobby, back already?"  She asks.

  "Why don't we go check."  Tinkletoes offers guiding Writer Lady to the far side of the house.  When she has turned her back on the living room and its activities he says.   "This has the potential for experimentation.   Dylan, there's a can of non-stick spray in the kitchen cabinet  when Writer Lady has exited and I turn my back Ray will get it for you.  Let's grease that track up and see what happens."

  Ray, Dylan, and TP nod.

  "If you get caught.  I know nothing,"  Tinkletoes says.

Dobby Descends

“Your nose is dirty.”  Dylan says climbing up on the demon's lap.   The small boy takes Writer Lady's abandoned towel and reaches up to clean Damon's face off.  This quickly turns into a game of “I Got Your Nose” between the boy and the demon.

“For something that's supposed to be so dangerous he has an incredible amount of patience.”   Tinkletoes says.

“Adults of one species can recognize the young of other species and show them similar compassion to what they would show an offspring of their own species.  You see it in nature all of the time.”  Writer Lady says.

“He's supposed to be a dangerous creature.”  Tinkletoes says, gesturing with a quick nod of the head.  “This looks like a greeting card commercial.”

“It is sweet isn't it?”  Writer Lady says.

“I was totally ready for major conflict.”  Ray says from his spot.

“This is a bit of a let down.”  Carp agrees.

“No one is dead and my home is not engulfed in flames.”  Writer Lady says looking around the room.  “I am completely okay with this.   All of it.   Except...” She stops mid sentence as her gaze falls across the overturned table and broken glass.

“Except?”  Tinkletoes asks.

“TP.   Where's TP?”

  A search begins, ending when Dobby emerges from behind an end table with TP.   The faerie is dazed, completely quiet (a big deal for TP) his tiny body dangling as Dobby carries him through the living room with the faerie's collar between his teeth.  Dobby waits as Tinkletoes rights a small table so TP can be safely lowered to it for inspection.

“Is he dead?”  Carp asks.

“Nah.”  Tinkletoes answers.

“We need to check.”  Writer Lady says.

“Okay. How?”  Tinkletoes asks.  “Where are we going to find a mirror that small?”

“Good point.   Assuming TP is just unconscious how do we wake him up?”  Writer Lady asks.   “Where are we going to get a bucket of water that tiny?”

  Dobby being the brill...being quick thinking, okay, being the obnoxious cat that he is jumps on to the table next to TP.  Sitting down he takes the end of his tail and thumps lightly on the faerie's stomach causing TP's body to convulse in response and quickly follows with a second harder thump.  TP's body responds more dramatically.  The faerie nearly sitting up and then falling back, his head hitting the table with a resounding thud; within seconds the faerie is conscious and coughing.

“Beating TP awake.  Good job Dobby.”  Tinkletoes says reaching out and scratching the cat's ear.

Writer Lady looks at Tinkletoes without speaking.

“You have to admit...it worked.”  He says.

“TP was already unconscious.  That wasn't the best thing to do.”

“TP's old.  He's got a hard head, he can take it.”  Tinkletoes says.

Writer Lady sighs and shakes her head.

“TP made a mistake.”  The faerie says sitting up.   “TP never should have conjured a demon.”

“No he shouldn't have.”  Writer Lady says.

“The demon needs to go home.”  TP says.

“You said he can't go home.”  She points out.

There is a bright green puff of smoke.  Pixie One and Pixie Too materialize (See “Name That Neurosis”) talking at the same time.

“Yes he can.   He can take that demon home!”   Pixie One declares.

“TP was a bad boy.”  Pixie Too shares, nodding and looking at Writer Lady.  “He broke another rule of the faeries.”

Pixie One looks at TP.  “How could you do this to us?  Why would you be so bad?”

Pixie Too glares at TP.   “That's because he's bad news.  A REBEL!”  She squeaks.  “We never should have taken up with him.”

“He's so cute and sweet.”  Pixie One says looking at TP lovingly.

TP looks back at Pixie One adoringly.

“He's not going to be cute anymore when he loses his head.”  Pixie Too says.

Pixie One starts crying.

Writer Lady, Tinkletoes, and Carp all look at each other wondering what is going on.

“Excuse me, ladies?”   Writer Lady says getting the pixies attention.  “What are you talking about?”

“That!”  Pixie Too says pointing to Damon.   “He has to go back.”

“Yes, he does.”   Writer Lady agrees.   “How can we do that?”

Pixie Too reaches out to get Pixie One's attention.  Pixie One is kneeling down next to TP and looking at him adoringly well out of Pixie Too's reach.  Pixie Too swipes at the air, losing her balance, and nearly falling off the table.  Turning around with her hands on her hips, she glares at the couple and taps her foot.   Then coughs.  Pixie One looks up.

“The book.”   Pixie Too says.

“The book?”  Pixie One asks.

“You were supposed to bring it."

"I could only bring one thing so I brought TP his present.”

Pixie Too looks away from Pixie One and rolls her eyes in exasperation.

“I remember what it says.”  Pixie One offers.

“Share.”  Pixie Too says gesturing to the crowd.

“When a demon has been locked out of the Underworld he can return if the conjurers return with him and negotiate new terms for his residence.”

“How do they do that?  How long does something like that take?  How will they get there?”

“I don't care what you do lady.  Google It!  I've got bigger problems.”  Pixie Too nods towards the scene playing out between TP and Pixie One.  The faerie is holding the pixie close and listening to her tearful pleas.

“Fix this TP.  I don't want you to lose your head.  I love you so much.   Don't leave me.”

Turning around Pixie Too collects Pixie One.  “Time to go.  I can't believe I let you talk me into wasting time with this one.  He's a bad boy you said.   It'll be fun you said.”

“We weren't bored?”  Pixie Too squeaks through sniffles.

“Next year we're going to Sturgis.  Where it's quiet!”

“Sturgis...again?”  Pixie Too whines.

There is another puff of smoke and the pixies go out the same way they came in.

Dobby and TP sit quietly on the table whispering, the ginger tabby nods frequently.

“There's a trick to traveling to the Underworld, because I'm not from there, I have to die.”

“No.”  Writer Lady protests.

“It's for transportation purposes.   I'd come back.”   Dobby says.

“Transportation purposes?”

“TP says this kind of travel is hard on earthly beings, something is always destroyed either the body or the spirit.   He says that if I'm already dead nothing will be sacrificed.”

“You'll be sacrificed, you'll be dead.”

“It's going to be okay Mom.   TP's done this before.”

“How many times has TP done this?”

“Lots of times.”  Dobby says looking around the room.

“Were they successful?”

“Yeah.”

“I really don't like this Dobby.”

“I know Mom.   I know.” The ginger tabby says rubbing his head against Writer Lady's ankle.   “This is the only way to fix our mistake.   It's a new adventure.  I want to go Mom.”

“You always just do what you want.  Why are you asking permission now?”

“Because in order for this to work you have to see my dead body and you have to cry.”  Dobby says.

“Can't someone else do it?”  Writer Lady asks looking at Dobby.

“Because you're my Mom your tears will have the greatest power.  You want us to get there safely don't you?”   Dobby asks.

“Of course I do kitty.”  She answers lowering her head.

“This isn't right.” Tinkletoes says to TP.

The group has gathered in the bonus room, Writer Lady sitting in a chair is scared and unsteady.

“The negative energy coming from Writer Lady will propel Dobby and Damon into the Underworld.  They need gas for their journey.   Her cries will make great go-go juice.”  TP says.   “I'll signal when we get there.”

Tinkletoes nods.

Dobby takes a moment to say his good-byes reminding Dylan to be good and patting Furnatche on the head.  He stops to talk to Ray. “Make sure Mom doesn't miss me too much.”

“Dude...I totally got this.”  Ray responds.

He stops in front of Tinkletoes last.  “Take care of Mom for me.”

Tinkletoes nods and says, “Keep your eyes open.   Stay alert.  Focus on the mission.  Take no prisoners and come back soon, I'm not done kicking your... (Tinkletoes looks at the boys) I'm not done beating you at Halo.”

“Sorry man but you were done a long time ago.”

“You're pretty good for something without thumbs.  Come back, I want a re-match.”

“It's time.”   TP says.

“I really don't want to do this.” Writer Lady says looking up to Tinkletoes.

  Squatting down to face her Tinkletoes says.  “I know.  I would take the bullet for you if I could.   I can't.  We're all here for you.  You're not alone.  A soldier never is.  Not really.”

“Okay.”   TP says.

Leaning against Tinkletoes for a moment Writer Lady closes her eyes.  Opening them she looks around the room.  Peter, Dylan, Furnatche, Carp, Ray, Diomedes, and TP are all nearby.  The cauldron to the Underworld is standing in the center of the room.  Damon stands next to it, waiting to leave.   Dobby's body is laying on the floor, limp and empty of life.  The ginger tabby looks like he was laying on his side preparing for a brief nap when something went terribly wrong.  His eyes open and distant.   Mouth open waiting to speak.  No effort was needed to cry out in shock and anguish.  Knowing Dobby will be returning doesn't help.  She has to reach out for him, petting him, begging him to return to her.  Soon after, Damon reaches out gently picking up Dobby's body and disappearing down the cauldron.

Tinkletoes collects Writer Lady helping her stand up and holding her close.  “It's okay.  He's gone.  He can come back now.”

Writer Lady hides her head and holds on to the self-proclaimed mercenary for all it's worth.  The sobbing continues as TP disappears down the cauldron.  Several minutes pass and Writer Lady is still crying.

“How long are we doing this part?”  Dylan asks looking up at Peter.  Peter shrugs.

A high pitched squeal is heard as a bright rainbow erupts from the cauldron.

“There's the signal.”  Tinkletoes says.  “Dobby made it to the Underworld. They're safe.”  He says to Writer Lady.  She continues crying.  Tinkletoes looks at Writer Lady and holds her closer.  The corners of his mouth turn up slightly and he closes his eyes.  Several minutes later, she is still crying.

“Is everything all right?”  Carp asks Tinkletoes who shrugs.

“Maybe she didn't hear me.”   He says.   Tinkletoes stretches his arms out so he can look at Writer Lady.   “Did you hear me?  TP signaled.  Dobby and Damon made it to the Underworld safely.  Everything is all right.”

Writer Lady cries some more.

“It's okay...it's okay.”  Tinkletoes says, hugging her some more.

Ray crosses the room to where Tinkletoes and Writer Lady are standing.  “I think it's Ray Time.”  He says.

Tinkletoes shoots Ray a dirty look.

“Dobby said I should make sure she doesn't miss him too much.”  Ray points to Writer Lady, “That totally looks like missing to me.”  He says disappearing.  He returns, holding Dobby's food dish and one of the cat's toys in his mouth. Opening his mouth the toy falls out and lands in the bowl.  “Duuuude....I'm the cat.  Feed me.”

Tinkletoes looks at Ray and growls, crooking a finger, Tinkletoes gestures Ray to his other side and away from Writer Lady.   “What do you think you're doing?”

“Dude...my job.   Keeping her busy.  She needs a cat.  I'm the cat.”
“No you're not.  Besides, I've got this.” Tinkletoes whispers rubbing Writer Lady's back.   “I'm good at it too.  So go away.”

“She's still crying.”  Ray points out.

“She's upset.   It's a mother's love.  It takes a while.”

“But, I'm the cat.”  Ray protests.

“I'm being the hero here.  This is my moment.  Whatever it takes.  So you can't be the cat.”

“Dude, it's my job.   Dobby said.”

Tinkletoes shakes his head, “Not happening.”

“I'm the cat.”  Ray repeats.

“I'm the guy right now.  I'm the hero.  If I have to be a cat, I'll be a cat.   I'm in charge.   There is no bigger pussy...” Tinkletoes looks over and sees the boys in the room.  “There is no bigger pussycat here than me.  Go Away.”

“I'm the cat.”

“Ray!”  Tinkletoes says.

Detecting Tinkletoes' rising tension Writer Lady looks up to find Ray standing across from her holding Dobby's food dish, the cat toy perched precariously along one edge.

“Hi Ray.”  She says.

“Hi.”

“What are you doing with Dobby's dish?”  She asks sniffling.

“Um...”  Ray looks at Tinkletoes who is glaring, swallowing nervously he says, “I'm the cat.  Feed me?”

“You're the cat?”  Writer Lady asks as she starts wiping the tears from her face.

  Ray nods.

“O...kay.”   She says looking at Tinkletoes who shrugs.  “Then I guess you need something to eat don't you?”  Thanking Tinkletoes, Writer Lady removes herself from his embrace and goes in search of human appropriate cat food.

 Tinkletoes glares at Ray after Writer Lady has left the room.

“She asked me what I was doing.”  Ray explains sheepishly.

“I'm watching you Ray.  I'm watching you.”  Tinkletoes says.  “Go get your food kitty.” 

    *Dobby Cat Apostos may be gone from this world but his character remains.  Look for him in future posts, doing the way cool things he always wanted to do and being the Very Important Feline my real life Dobby dreamed of becoming. 

   

   
       This post was written in loving memory of a dear friend, companion, and writing partner.  He sat by my side from the initial stirrings of what would become Saturday Night Silliness through the conception and writing of my first novel last November.  He truly heard it all and some of it has been bad.  So bad. 
  I am a writer but this is one of those times when I have few words.  This is the best I can do.  Thank you for enriching my life, waking me up, sending me to bed, and most of all writing with me.  You were a good kitty and have earned this rest.  Sleep well Dobby.  Sleep well.
  

    

That's One Way To Get It Out

Diomedes stands in the doorway waiting expectantly for a response.

“What can he do?”  Writer Lady asks.

“Be the one who gets poked with those horns for one thing.”  Tinkletoes says.

“He does have thick skin and scales.  The dragon has a better chance at survival than the rest of us.”  Carp agrees.

“We could tell him, show him what the problem is, and see if he has any ideas.”  Writer Lady says.

“Mi'lady?” Diomedes calls, waiting for permission to enter the room.

“Come in Diomedes, please.”  She answers.

Diomedes enters the room, passing the couch, and entering the demon's line of sight.

“AAAAAAAA!”  Damon bellows upon seeing Diomedes rising from the couch to his full height.   Stopping Diomedes looks at the demon and studies him closely. “Hello.”   He says.

“AAAHR!”   The demon rumbles more loudly.

Diomedes' skin begins pulsing, changing from the dragon's current green color to a dark gray.

“Did that thing just change colors?”   Tinkletoes whispers to Writer Lady.

“Yes Diomedes did just change color.”   Writer Lady says correcting him.

“Why?”

“Being a mythical creature Diomedes is not limited to the parameters of form and color that we are.”

Tinkletoes keeps looking at Writer Lady waiting for more information.

“I wrote him that way.”   She says looking at Tinkletoes and rolling her eyes. “Diomedes is not your typical dragon.  His colors and powers change along with his environment, living conditions, and immediate needs.  Being born in an enchanted forest the bright green color is his default color.  The dark gray means he is faced with a potentially volatile situation.   Everything works really fast in dark gray.  Diomedes has heightened sensitivities, sharper and faster thinking skills, and wicked fast reaction times.  Every color he can turn has its own powers.”

“That's quite a weapon you built there.”  Tinkletoes says.   “What else can he do?”

“I really don't think this is the time...”

“You can't remember can you?”

“I have notes.  Somewhere.”

“It's all that coffee you drink.  You drink way too much coffee.”

“Bite me.”   Writer Lady says.

“One of these days you're going to say that to the wrong person.  There are zombies.”  Tinkletoes says.

Writer Lady rolls her eyes.  “There are no zombies.”

“Art imitates life.   There wouldn't be so many zombie shows and movies out there if it wasn't really happening.  Think about it.”   Tinkletoes says, tapping  the side of his head with his finger.

They watch as the dragon and demon stand facing each other.  Damon ready to...well, whatever it is a demon does in this situation and Diomedes ready to respond.

“What happens if he turns red?”

“There are several shades of red that he can turn but a bright, true red is the worst—destruction by fire.”  She answers without looking away from the situation at hand.

“Only the enemy, right?”  Tinkletoes asks.

“Um...not necessarily.”  She answers, her voice lowering by the time she has reached the end.

“He won't just destroy everything will he?”  He asks.

Writer Lady looks at Tinkletoes.  “This from Mr. Destroy first and ask questions later?”  She asks.  “I'm thinking that it's up to Diomedes because when I created the character I never really specified.”

“You never specified?   That's an important detail isn't it?" Tinkletoes shakes his head.   "When a commander chooses a team for a mission they know everything about those soldiers their background, their training, how well they take orders, how well they improvise in a combat situation.  The soldiers know what their mission is, exactly what they're supposed to do, and what they're not supposed to do.”

“I don't write that way.   I create a rough sketch of who my character is, put them in the situation I have created, and follow them around writing down what they do.   I find out more about them as I write down what they do.   If I want to know other things I figure out the answer when the question arises.”

Tinkletoes runs a hand down his face.

“So the rough sketch that is Diomedes?”  Carp asks.

“He's just a big ol' mood ring.”  Writer Lady says grinning.   “Right now a storm is brewing.”

“Cool!”   Ray says.  “I think we need popcorn.”  He says crossing the room to the kitchen.

“Ray!”   Tinkletoes yells.

“I know, I know, sit down.”  Ray says returning to his original spot.

“It seems you have a problem sir.”  Diomedes says looking at Damon.

“AAAAAR!”

“Might we remove that for you?”  The dragon asks.

Damon bellows again, raising a hand to his face, smacking himself on the outside of his bulging nostril.

“Yes.”  Diomedes confirms.  “We would like to relieve you of that.”

“AAAR! AAAARR!”  Damon bellows hitting himself with so much force that sunblock squirts out of the demon's nostril coating his nose and splattering across Diomedes' torso.

“What a mess.”  Writer Lady says.  Disappearing from the room she returns with towels for both the demon and the dragon.

“Thank you Mi'lady.”  Diomedes says taking the towel from her and wiping himself off.

Writer Lady steps over to Damon with another towel.   The demon screeches at her and takes a step back.

“Leave him.”  Tinkletoes says.

Writer Lady looks at him questioningly.

“He wants to be left alone.  Don't push it.”  He says.

Letting out a sigh, Writer Lady takes a step back.  Damon growls a couple of times taking in sharp breath, then another.

“I know that sound.”  She says.

Writer Lady, Tinkletoes, Carp, Dobby, Ray, Dylan and Peter all take turns looking at each other.  Damon takes in another sharp breath.

“DUCK!”

Everyone hits the floor putting as much space between themselves and the demon as possible ending up dog piled on the far side of the room.

“Aaa-CHOO!”

The bottle dislodges itself from the demon's nostril making a resounding thud when it hits the front door.  The demon himself traveling in the opposite direction makes a much softer noise when he lands.  After several seconds Diomedes' voice calls out, “Mi'lady.  It is safe to rise.”

Writer Lady looks up to see Diomedes standing in front of the wall, holding Damon up by his shoulders.  There is little mess other than the sunblock covering the Damon's face.  The table holding TP in his glass has been overturned as well.

“That's one way to get it out.”  Tinkletoes says.

Slim Pickings

“How did that happen?”  Writer Lady asks.

“The more important question is who's going to pull it out.”  Carp says.

Everyone in the room gives pause, studying Damon's needle sharp horns, not to mention his sheer mass.  If the demon starts thrashing around when they are trying to help him...

“How did he get that up in there?”  Writer Lady asks looking closely at the demon's bulging nostril.

A sharp ping can be heard coming from TP's glass cell.  “Demons are really stretchy.”  TP says.

“This isn't going to be fun.”  Writer Lady says.

“No it isn't.”   Tinkletoes agrees, looking Damon in the eye he points to the couch and gestures for the demon to sit down, as the demon sits down the couch creaks in protest.

Writer Lady studies Damon more closely.  “Do you think his breathing is labored?”    She asks.

“No.”  Tinkletoes says.

She continues watching the demon.  “It doesn't look like his breathing is labored.  Should we check his pulse?”  She asks.

“If he has trouble breathing we'll know.  His face will turn red.”  Tinkletoes says, but before the word 'red' escapes his lips completely,  “He's already red.  We'll catch it if he turns blue.”

“Blue is a more critical sign.”  Carp agrees.  "We need to sit down and brainstorm so we can come up with the best solution possible.”

Looking at the couch straining under the demon's mass everyone sits down on the floor.

“Who has a suggestion?”   Carp asks.

“Have him blow his nose.”  Peter says.

“Hit him on the back of the head with something so the bottle falls out?”  Writer Lady asks.  Tinkletoes looks at her.  “A pillow or something.”   She explains.

“Pick it out.  Like a booger.”  Dylan says hiding his face as giggles escape.

“Pissing contest?”  Ray asks.   “Wait...wrong body part.  Sorry.  If he ever gets a bottle stuck, you know...”

“We'll know what to do.”  Carp says finishing Ray's thought.

“Thanks Ray.”  Tinkletoes says shaking his head.

“I like to help.”  Ray says grinning, standing up, he heads to the kitchen.

“Ray, where are you going?”  Tinkletoes asks.

“Kitchen.  It's been a rough couple of hours.  I need...”

“To sit down.”

“But...”

“Sit down Ray.”  Tinkletoes says.

Ray returns to his seat muttering a little.

“Any other suggestions?”  Carp asks.

Writer Lady, Carp, and Ray all look at Tinkletoes.

“What?”  Tinkletoes asks.  “When he gets tired of having the bottle up there he'll pull it out.”

“Why did you bring Damon in here then?”

“I got tired of babysitting.”  Tinkletoes says.

“How could you be tired when you didn't do anything?”  Writer Lady asks.

Both Tinkletoes and Writer Lady start yelling at the same time.

“Have you ever kept a demon busy?”

“There is a bottle up his nose.  An entire bottle!   How is that watching him?”

“One minute he was looking at it, sniffing it, and the next...it was up there.”  Tinkletoes says gesturing to his face.

“Men never can do this crap right.”  Writer Lady says.

“Which is why women are supposed to take care of the babies!”

A hush falls, quieting the room.  It's deadly quiet.  Freakishly quiet.   It's creepy.

“Duuuude.  You just said the wrong thing.”  Ray says.

Writer Lady's face grows red, her eyes become deep dark wells of...they are like a void or something.  It's not a good sign.

“It's a good thing he's just a demon then isn't it?”  Writer Lady asks having quieted her voice.  She is composing her temper, for the moment.

A scraping sound fills the room, followed by a thump.  Scrape...thump. Scrape...thump.  Everyone looks around seeking the noise's source.   Dylan finds it first.  “He's doing it!”  The boy exclaims pointing to the demon.   The group watches as Damon lifts a hand to his nostril and scrapes at the bottle's lid with his thumb and forefinger.  After several minutes he successfully unscrews the lid from the bottle but after that nothing more.

“I knew that when I got back stateside things would be slow, but sitting around watching a demon pick his nose...”  Tinkletoes says.

“Duuuude.  The movie theater closed, we have to do something.”

Writer Lady runs her hand down her face stopping to cover the smile crossing her lips.  The darkness has dissipated, replaced with amusement at the situation and affection for those sharing the moment with her.   “Ray does have a point.” She agrees.  She looks back and studies the demon as he...works.   “TP said demons are really stretchy, if we could figure out how to communicate with him...”

“If he pulled on the outer edge of his nostril...”

“Someone could reach in and pull the lid out.”  Writer Lady finishes.

“Someone with small hands.”  Carp offers looking at Dylan.

“His head will have to held still.  He has to be okay with us doing it too.”   Writer Lady adds.

“Those horns could kill all of us.”   Tinkletoes says.

“Perhaps I could be of assistance.”

Writer Lady, Tinkletoes, and Carp look up to find Diomedes sitting in the hall just outside the entryway.

Here's Where Things Get Complicated

“Those are my panties.  He's wearing my panties.”  Writer Lady says.

“Mi'lady?”  Diomedes inquires.

Remembering the dragon in the bathroom Writer Lady backs into the room and shuts the door quickly.  Facing Diomedes she leans back against the vanity and pastes on a smile.   “Could you stay here for a minute?”  She asks.

“I thought I was going to see my place of birth.”  Diomedes says.

“You are, but something has come up.”  She mutters, “Up out of the cauldron and into my panties, the heathen.”

“Sorry?”  Diomedes asks.

“If you could just wait here for me.”

“Of course Mi'lady.”  Diomedes says with a nod.

“Whatever you hear...don't open the door.”  Writer Lady says.

“I will do whatever you ask.”

“Thank you Diomedes.”   She says.

The dragon nods.

Opening the door, Writer Lady steps into the hallway closing the door behind her, by then Tinkletoes is standing at the demon's side.   Writer Lady glares at Tinkletoes.

“I didn't do it.”  He says.

“Yet you are standing next to the demon that is wearing my panties on his horns and doing nothing.”  Writer Lady says.

“I can explain.”

Writer Lady raises an eyebrow and waits.

“How much do you know about demons?”  He asks.

There is silence.

“I don't know much either.  Did you know that Freddy Krueger was a demon?”

More silence.

“I didn't know.  You were kind of sympathetic to Freddy Krueger that one time...so I thought I might mention it.”

Writer Lady quietly crosses her arms in front of her.

“TP finally showed up.  This demon has a name.   It's Damon.  Damon is kind of big and stupid.”

Damon looks down at Tinkletoes sadly.

“That's what TP said.  I'm sorry.”  Tinkletoes says looking at Damon.  He looks back at Writer Lady.  “Damon is kind of big and stupid.   There's one problem. He makes things explode.  The upside is he's easily entertained.  It turns out lacy panties are his thing.”

“Those were my panties.”  Writer Lady says.

“It was for a good cause?”   Tinkletoes asks nodding.

Damon nods in time with Tinkletoes.

Writer Lady's face grows red.  Her eyes narrow.

Feeling a breeze Tinkletoes looks up at Damon and sees the demon nodding.  The lace panties are swishing in the air looking spent and lifeless.  “Hey man. You're not helping.”  Tinkletoes says looking

up at Damon sternly.  “I told you to leave the ones with the little red hearts on them alone.  Too girlie.”

“I'll try to remember that the next time I go shopping for lingerie.”  Writer Lady says glaring.

Damon nods at Writer Lady with great seriousness.

“So um...do you have any more?”

“What?”

“Panties.  The lacy ones.”  Tinkletoes says.

“Not in your color.”   Writer Lady says.

“I'm only asking because they keep Damon occupied.”

“I know.  I don't have any more.  The demon has found and destroyed the only lacy things I own.”

“That's what Dobby said.”

“Then why are you asking me?”  She asks.

“He's a cat.   How much attention does he pay to those things?”

“Good point.  Maybe it's time Damon went home.”  Writer Lady suggests.

“We have yet to establish an evacuation plan.   There's been a breakdown in communication.  Our source is not cooperating.”

“TP?”

“I have him confined and under watch but the lil' guy won't budge.”  Tinkletoes says.  “Big and stupid was all TP would say.”

“Mi'lady?”

Writer Lady turns to see light coming through a narrow slit.  The bathroom door was opening, slowly, but it was opening.  “Coming Diomedes.”  She pokes her head in through the door, there is muffled talking, she shuts the bathroom door closing it tight.  She rushes back to Tinkletoes and Damon.   “Sorry.”

“Was that the dragon?”  Tinkletoes asks.

“Yes that was Diomedes.  I was trying to get him out of the bathroom and talked him into moving into High Command.  I was just taking him over when I saw Damon.”

“If Diomedes is a dragon how did he open the door?”  Tinkletoes asks.

“That's a good question.   Feel free to ask him later.”

“Don't you want to know?”

“At this point, no, I don't want to know.”

“He's a dragon.   No thumbs.”   Tinkletoes says holding both hands up, bending then straightening his thumbs.

“Look around you.  In this house, magic happens.  There's a faerie in the living room, a dragon in the bathroom and a demon standing in front of me.  I don't care about the why at this moment.  Right now I'm concerned with how we can put things in some kind of working order.”

“Send them back.”  Tinkletoes says.

“Sending them back doesn't work.  I already tried that.  They just return with more.”

“You're going to have to come up with something.  Sooner or later that dragon is going to poop and I'm not cleaning it up.”  He says.

“Excuse me?”

Tinkletoes looks up at Damon “I think we've reach a stalemate here.”  He says.

“Keep Damon busy.  I'll get some information out of TP.”   Writer Lady says turning for the living room.  “Stay away from Diomedes until we get this sorted out too.”

The self-proclaimed mercenary nods, waits a couple of minutes and starts walking towards the bathroom.

“I mean it!”  Writer Lady calls.

Tinkletoes turns around and guides Damon into the bedroom.  “Those little hearts look silly as hell on you.”   He says.

Damon nods, the little red hearts fluttering furiously.

“Okay TP.  I've had enough of your games.  Let's talk.”   Writer Lady says sitting down on the couch next to the TV tray the faerie's enclosure is sitting on.   The faerie is sitting on a tiny stool on the bottom of the glass.  His clothes rumpled, hair disheveled and pouting for all he's worth.

“No.”   TP says.

“TP you know that calling forth a demon was the wrong thing to do.”

“TP was helping.”

“Who were you helping?”

“Him, them guys,”  TP says pointing to Carp, Ray, Peter, Dylan and Furnatche. “Everyone.”

Writer Lady takes a deep breath before speaking.  “The thing is I talked to the big, scary dragon.  His name is Diomedes, he's not dangerous and bears no ill will towards anyone.  We don't need Damon to kill Diomedes. For the record nothing dies in this house ever.    Unless you see a bug.  Damon can go home now.”

“Damon can't go home.”  TP says.

“Damon can and will be sent home now.”  Writer Lady says.

It's TP's turn to sigh.  “Damon's big and stupid he makes things go Kaboom!  No one wants him there.”

“He's a friend and you wanted to help him.”  She says.

TP nods.

“Diomedes is here.  You said he makes things go Kaboom!  I can't have him here. I don't have the means to clean up those kinds messes TP.   Why don't you take Damon to Faerie?”

“TP took Damon to Faerie, he made a unicorn explode and sat on a village of pixies.   Faerie sent him back to the Underworld.  The Underworld left him at the door hoping...”

“Hoping some idiots would call forth a demon.”

TP nods.

“Those idiots just happened to be in my house at the time.   Yippee.”   Writer Lady says shaking her head.

Tinkletoes enters the living room with Damon in tow.  “We have a problem.”

Damon's eyes are large with fright, his skin is pale and breathing is labored.  There is a bottle of sunscreen stuck up his nose.

Diomedes And His Creator

“No.”  Dobby says.

Tinkletoes, Carp and Ray all look at each other.

“It's not the worst idea.”  Tinkletoes says.

“It's not the best idea either.   Try again.”  Dobby says.

“If you'd just do it for a little while.”   Carp suggests.

“Five minutes.”  Tinkletoes asks.

“Dude.”   Ray encourages.

“You did bring forth this demon, it's only right that you're responsible for it.”   Tinkletoes says.

Dobby looks up at Tinkletoes, Carp and Ray.

“You need to step up.”   Tinkletoes says.

“I need to step up?”  Dobby nods.  “The same way the three of you stepped up to help with the dragon?   I have spent the last half hour helping Mom convince that thing in the bathroom that a man in a suit of armor isn't going to climb out of the toilet looking for a sparring partner.”

“It was so quiet, I thought she'd killed it by now.”   Tinkletoes says.

Dobby glares at Tinkletoes.

“Butchered it, maybe set up a spit to cook the meat on.”

Dobby rolls his eyes.

“You have to admit that woman has a temper.”  Tinkletoes says.

“Did she find out who the dragon is?  Where it came from?”  Carp asks diplomatically.

“It's Diomedes, a dragon from one of Mom's stories.  House and Mural Man met him while they were on vacation in Faerie.   He wanted to know about all about our world when he found out House and Mural Man live with the woman who created him he convinced them to let him return with them.”

“Why didn't they just say 'no'?”  Tinkletoes asks.

“If you're made out of paper are you going tell a dragon that can breathe fire 'no'?”  Dobby asks.

“Oh...um...yeah.  Good point.”  Tinkletoes says.  “What's happening now?”

“Mom's trying to convince him that he needs to find another part of the house to make his territory.”

Writer Lady sits on the toilet lid looking at the dragon who is studying her from across the room.  The dragon in turn yawns.  He peruses the room a couple more times and then addresses his hostess.

“Are you quite sure my assistance is not needed?  There are no knights or other insidious beings lurking below?”

“No Diomedes.  As I explained to you before I am sitting on a modern day chamber pot.  One puts things down the hole.   Nothing comes up it.”

“I think I'll just stay here and observe for a while.”

“Diomedes, as I explained before, it is nice that you came to visit but this is a bathroom.  You can't make this your cave.”

“I have not seen one before.   It's most interesting.”

“People leave their waste here.   I shower in here.”

“Yes.  I am most anxious to observe a shower.  Are they fun?”

“Diomedes when a person showers...I take off all of my clothes when I shower.  I won't have you in here while I'm doing that.”

“Yes.”  Diomedes smiles and chuckles.  “You humans are still uncomfortable with your nudity aren't you?”

Letting out a sigh Writer Lady agrees willing to do almost anything to get this mess sorted out.   “I am uncomfortable with my own nudity, so if you would please find another place to claim as your own.”

“I'm sorry Mi'lady, I cannot.  Do you have any idea what an honor it is for a fictional character to meet their creator?  It is like you would feel encountering a superior species or perhaps even a god.  I want to learn everything I possibly can about you.”  Diomedes says settling his mass down in a more comfortable position.   “So tell me, what is your favourite colour?”

Writer Lady slumps over, covering her head with her arms and groans.

“Once the fierce dragon claims his spot, Writer Lady has to move her chamber pot.” TP pops in giggling.

“Grab him!”  Tinkletoes yells.

TP pops back out before anyone gets near the faerie.  “You're going to have to move faster than that.  Silly humans.”  TP says giggling from just above Carp's shoulder.   He pops out again quickly.

“Your turn.”   TP says popping in above Tinkletoes' head then popping back out. Everyone misses again.

“My turn.”   TP calls from between Furnatche's feet, giggling and disappearing again.  “This is fun!”  The faerie calls from right between Ray's eyes when four hands smack him flattening TP against Ray's forehead.

“Dudes.”  Ray says.   “You almost woke me up.”

“Don't move.”  Tinkletoes says.  “Hey kid.”  He says looking at Peter, “Get me a glass and a spatula.”

Peter runs out of the room returning with the requested items.   Tinkletoes and Carp slowly lift their hands.  Tinkletoes covers TP with the glass, enclosing the faerie in his own dome like one would when catching a bug or a wasp.  Easing the spatula between the opening of the glass and Ray's forehead Tinkletoes is able to secure the prisoner.  “No more games faerie.   Tell us what you know about Damon.  Now.”

“Now that I have answered so many of your questions will you answer one of mine?”  Writer Lady asks.

“Yes of course Mi'lady.”   Diomedes answers sitting up proudly.

“If you came here as a guest of House and Mural Man why are you not with them?”

“Their constant canoodling has become tiring.  They suggested I explore at my leisure, perhaps do some hunting.   This is the first room I wandered into after leaving them to their 'activities'.  I was actually searching for my birthplace, the room in which you created me.”

“That would be High Command.  Would you like to see it?”

“Yes. Mi'lady.”

Rising, Writer Lady quickly makes for the door.  “You know High Command is a wonderful place full of fun and creativity.   You would be welcome.   You would have a place of distinction there if you would like to make High Command 'your home away from home' while you are with us.  You would get to meet everyone Dobby, his friends, some of my other characters, even another dragon because we all tend to end up in that room at one time or another.”

“That does sound ideal.”  Diomedes says.  The dragon stands to his full height waiting to follow.

Writer Lady stands still in the bathroom entryway staring across the hall at the demon that has her lacy panties hanging in shreds from his massive horns.

Demon On The Loose

“Sh...”  Tinkletoes says not finishing his word.  Little ears.

They scatter, searching the house.  Finding nothing.   Tinkletoes, Ray, Carp, Peter, and Dylan meet back at the cauldron.

“Where'd it go?”  Tinkletoes asks.

Everyone takes turns shaking their heads.

“Duuude.  He totally disappeared.”  Ray says.

“That was damn near a seven foot tall demon with a rack bigger than a fighting bull.  Look at this house dude where the h...”  Tinkletoes says.

“Little ears.”  Carp says.

Tinkletoes glares at Carp.  “Where the heck could it have gone?”  Tinkletoes is answered with blank stares.   “We have checked all the rooms?”  He asks.

Everyone nods.

“I checked the bonus room.   Ray where did you look?”  Tinkletoes asks.

“Duuude.  The kitchen.”

“Where the food is of course.”  Tinkletoes says.

“Of course.”  Ray repeats and smiles.

“Carp?”   Tinkletoes asks.

“I checked the living room.”

“Peter?”

“Dylan checked the laundry room.  I checked High Command.”

“So we checked every room.”  Tinkletoes says.

“Except one.”  Carp says pointing to Writer Lady's bedroom.

“It's got to be in there.  It's the only room left.”  Tinkletoes says.  “In a situation like this it's best if the soldier with the most experience in this terrain takes the lead.  So which one of us is going in?”

Tinkletoes, Ray and Carp all look at each other waiting for one of the others to volunteer.  After several minutes, all three men look down at the two boys.

“I think we should agree right now that the boys should stay in the living room.”  Carp says.

Tinkletoes looks at Carp.  “I agree.   It wouldn't be right for these two to have to take on a seven foot demon.   That leaves us men.   Who knows the terrain?”

There is a marked silence.

“So is it that none of us have been in a lady's bedroom before or is it that this is Writer Lady's bedroom?”

Silence.

“Rocks, paper, scissors?”   Ray asks.

Tinkletoes and Ray prepare to play.

“Really?  Isn't there a more mature way to handle this?”  Carp asks.

“Pissin' contest?”  Tinkletoes asks.

Ray starts to unzip.

“Outside.”  Tinkletoes says.

“Sorry man.  I forgot.”  Ray says and starts walking to the front door.

Carp coughs.  “How about if we just draw straws?”

“Yeah.”   Tinkletoes says grudgingly.

“Peter do you know what it means to draw straws?”

“Yes sir.”

“Would you please go get us the needed supplies?”  Carp asks.

“Yes.”  Peter says.  He and Dylan run into the kitchen.

Ray continues to the front door.

“Ray, there's no pissin' contest.  We're going to do something else.”  Tinkletoes says.

“We're drawing straws.”  Carp says, coughing and looking at Tinkletoes.

“Ray.   Zip your fly.”  Tinkletoes says.

“Dude.”  Ray says zipping up.  He returns to the center of the room.  “I don't know how drawing pictures of straws is going to help anything.”

Carp starts to explain. Tinkletoes coughs and when Carp looks over at him shakes his head.  There is no time for explanations or diagrams.

The two boys return with three straws.   Each takes one from Dylan's hand.

“A new straw.  Cool.”  Ray says drawing a full length straw.

Tinkletoes and Carp each quickly grab a straw hoping to get the other long one.

  Carp holds up his full length straw.   “It looks like you win Tink.”

“Yeah.  The booby prize.”   Tinkletoes says.  “I am the one with the most battle experience.   It is Writer Lady's bedroom.  There could be anything in there.  Trip wires, land mines, even lasers.”

“Or a demon?”  Carp says.

“This is a job for man who's been to war.”  Tinkletoes says.  “Stand back men.  I'm going in.”

“Duuude.  If you die...”  Ray says.

“No.”  Tinkletoes says as he leaves the room.

Carp feels a tug on his pant leg and looks down to Dylan.

“Is he going to go kaboom?”  Dylan asks.   “Because of Writer Lady's lasers.”

“Writer Lady doesn't have any lasers in her bedroom.   If she did the demon would have tripped them.”

“Dude.   That is brilliant man.”

“Carp is bright but not bright enough.”  TP says giggling.

“What's that supposed to mean?”  Carp asks.

“Damon the demon makes things go boom.”  The faerie giggles.

“How does he make things go boom?”

“I can't tell.”  TP says.  “It's a secret.”   He whispers.

“No it's okay.  You can stay right there.  Just keep doing what you're doing.” Tinkletoes says in the direction of the bedroom doorway.  The self proclaimed mercenary backs into the living room slowly.

“Tinkletoes said “Hi” to Damon.”  TP giggles.

“It's about time you showed up.”  Tinkletoes says.   “How do we handle that thing?”

“That's for me to know and you to figure out.”  TP says.

“I oughtta...”  Tinkletoes says raising his fist.

“That's not going to help.”  Carp points out.

“There's a dragon in the bathroom, a demon in the bedroom and a jack a** in the living room.”   Tinkletoes says glaring at TP.  “What am I supposed to do?”

“What's he doing in there?”  Carp asks.

Tinkletoes turns and looks towards Writer Lady's bedroom.  “Making a mess.” He turns back to Carp.   “He's checking out her underwear drawer.  There were lacy things hanging off of his horns.  They had holes in them.”

“Lacy things make Damon happy.”

“That's not going to make Writer Lady happy.”  Dylan says.

“No it's not.”  Tinkletoes says glaring at TP.  “How do we get that thing out of there?”

“More importantly how much lacy stuff is in that drawer?”  Carp asks.

  Everyone looks at Carp.

“Lacy stuff means Damon stays busy until we've figured out what to do.”  He explains.

“Good point.”  Tinkletoes says.  “Dobby should know. Where's Dobby?”

“Over here.”  Dobby says entering the room.

“Where have you been?”  Tinkletoes asks.

“Helping Mom.”

“The demon is in the bedroom.  He's playing with Writer Lady's lacy stuff.   It's a good thing.   We don't know how to handle him.”

“Ask TP.”

“TP refuses to help.  We need to know how much of that lacy stuff  your Mom has.   Is there a lot?  It would keep that thing occupied until we figure out what to do.”

“She doesn't have much of that stuff around.”  Dobby says.

“Which means we need a plan of attack.  Yesterday.”  Tinkletoes says.

“What do you know about him?”  Dobby asks.

“He likes lacy stuff and he likes to blow things up.”

“He's a demon.”   Ray says.

“What do we know about demons in general?   What makes them happy?”  Carp asks.

“Peter.”   Dylan says, gesturing for his brother to let him whisper something in his ear.

“Yes.”   Peter answers.

Dylan continues whispering.  Peter nods.

“You tell them Dylan it's your idea.”

“Hellboy's a demon and he likes kitties.   Dobby's a kitty he should go play with the demon.”