Dobby and The Basement

He is gone again. Every day that cat disappears. I always find him in the basement. Usually he comes slinking back up the basement stairs into the kitchen, belly to the floor looking guilty.

(Dobby enters the den) It's about time you showed up. Where have you been?

Dobby: Ummm... downstairs.

You have been spending a lot of time downstairs lately.

Dobby: And...

Why are you spending all of that time in the basement? You killed most of the crickets already. There are no mice or anything. What are you doing?

Dobby: Oh, you know just hanging out.

(Mom looks at Dobby with suspicion.) You hang out up here all of the time why do you need to go down there?

Dobby: Privacy?

Privacy? You have under the bed, two closets and various other “private” nooks and crannies to hide in. Why down there?

Dobby: Sometimes a guy needs some space. (Dobby leaves the den.)

Space? I go to work five days a week. Several hours a day. How much more space do you need? How much more space can this animal need? It's the catnip! He's growing his own now. My sweet kitty is not going to be a Nip dealer. No way. I'm going to have to watch, wait. Go down to the basement and catch him growing the stuff. If my electric bill is huge I going to have that cat's hide. (Once again to the people at PETA, this is just an expression). (Mom walks around the house looking in all of Dobby's hiding spots saying softy, “Dobby are you there?”) He's in the basement. (Mom slips on her flip flops and grabs the big red flashlight. She goes down the stairs step by step careful to make no noise. Mom finds Dobby sitting near the furnace in an upright position. Mom's battery operated candles are set out giving a gentle glow of light to the darkness surrounding him. Dobby's back legs are crossed and his front paws are pressed against each other in the sun salutation. Mom's jaw drops open in shock. She realizes her mistake, closing her mouth she quietly turns around and starts to make her way back up the stairs.)

Dobby: You don't have to go Mom. I feel better now that you know. I have been meditating. It really helps with the stress.

Stress? You have stress?

Dobby: Yes and this helps.

How did you pick this up?

Dobby: Well, I have been watching you a little bit. I also have discovered a new talent.

Really?

Dobby: I can use the television remote. I press the buttons with the tip of my tail. Of course you have to leave the remote out to where I can get it and you have to leave the Yoga dvd in the television. You see where this is going...

You have been teaching yourself Yoga?

Dobby: Yep. I am getting pretty good at it. You are going to have to work harder if you want to catch up with me.

Crap.

Dobby: Don't you want to stay and Yoga?

Not tonight. This calls for chocolate. (Mom lowers head and goes back upstairs.) Double Crap!

(There wasn't any chocolate in the house. That's what Mom says when there is no chocolate.)

Dobby: (Stands up and turns off the candles) It's okay guys. She's gone.